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    The deep down tears that I have been feeling finally came out in the open today.
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    Since I was about 15, I only befriended people that I thought to be very intelligent and, because of this stance, I lost all of my childhood friends; it wasn't until I was 15 that I began to, whole-heatedly, take responsibility for my life.

    But, since becoming depressed, I have become less and less like an INTJ. I feel dependent on true emotional support (when I used to not care, since I was 15, about making friend; I only cared about being the best, academically); I don't feel optimistic anymore; I don't even feel intelligent anymore.

    When I never used to flirt, I now do it recklessly. When I never used to (even to girls that I really like) talk about anything other than academic work, I now reveal a ton of information about myself without filtering - especially to girls that I really like. When I used to hate being around too many people, I now get sad when a place becomes less and less crowded. When I used to not give the slightest damn about being in a relationship, I now crave it with all of my hear. I don't understand.
    What you are describing is you being very judgmental about other people. Apart from the fact that it is showing you in a very unpleasant light - who are you to decide who is or is not ' very intelligent'. Big mistake as you now realise. We all need other people and you know what, even people who are not in your view ' very intelligent' may have excellent qualities such as empathy, generosity which are more important.

    It's a case of callow youth I guess.

    Don't think what can I get out of other people - this girl even, but what can I offer.
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    (Original post by pickup)
    What you are describing is you being very judgmental about other people. Apart from the fact that it is showing you in a very unpleasant light - who are you to decide who is or is not ' very intelligent'. Big mistake as you now realise. We all need other people and you know what, even people who are not in your view ' very intelligent' may have excellent qualities such as empathy, generosity which are more important.

    It's a case of callow youth I guess.

    Don't think what can I get out of other people - this girl even, but what can I offer.
    Yeah, I am sorry, wrong wording. I meant someone I can connect with in both an emotional and intellectual level.
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    I have never felt pain quite like this.
    The rejection.
    The non-nonsensical reasoning, from her part.
    The finding out that she was only dating a 17 year old.
    The roller coaster of emotions really damaged me.
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    I have never felt pain quite like this.
    The rejection.
    The non-nonsensical reasoning, from her part.
    The finding out that she was only dating a 17 year old.
    The roller coaster of emotions really damaged me.
    You know, you didn't really know this girl. How could you after such a short time. You were emotionally involved with your idea of her, that's all. A very common mistake. This is why people are very disillusioned when reality finally strikes.

    Next time get to know people before committing yourself emotionally so much.
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    (Original post by pickup)
    You know, you didn't really know this girl. How could you after such a short time. You were emotionally involved with your idea of her, that's all. A very common mistake. This is why people are very disillusioned when reality finally strikes.

    Next time get to know people before committing yourself emotionally so much.
    It was the way things happened. I met her at a very bad time in my life. And she was the first girl that I wanted to talk to after just looking at her once.
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    (Original post by Emememily733)
    (I'm going to comment as I read it) The first feeling I got was .. Whooooaaa, tooooo much information.. it made me cringe a little. You're giving too much to a girl you wanted to like you.. how is that supposed to make her like you? Talking about health problems and how difficult your life has been.. girls don't want to hear that when they're getting to know a guy.. if you had any chance of her picking you over her boyfriend you screwed it up right there and then. And then the whole thing about similarities between you both and being so glad you met her.. it reeks of desperation and needyness.. and girls do *not* like that quality in guys. She blocked you because she didn't want to lead on someone who was blatantly besotted with her OR very needy OR both. Oh god and the poetry. and the essays about how a girl deceived you.. dude. Literally. You have a much bigger vagina than I do. Or at least it comes accross that way. *keeps reading*.. and then she's clearly feeling sorry for you wondering if you're all there in the head, so she wants to help you and keeps unblocking you for that reason..but you keep going on about similarities and trying to turn her pity and help into something more.. so she backs off again.. Have you ever heard the phrase, "be cool." .. yeah.. you have literally ran so far away from that phrase that it is almost embarassing. For example, when she leaves, you give a massive speech about how you don't have any feelings.. but then totally ruin it by telling her that she's "pretty much you".. and just .. all of it.. you should have just said, "alright then if that's what you want, see you around".. that alone would have made her think about you FAR MORE than any speech you could've made.. when guys are mysterious and less full-on it causes something to happen where the girl is more interested.. but you just totally.. crapped all over your chances. And then as if all the poetry, essays, similarities, declarations, speeches, loner and mental health admissions were not enough.. you then tell her 6 weeks later lmao, that you have something unconventional to post her, and that you hope she's resolved her "feelings"! WHAT FEELINGS LMAO? ((This girl has literally no feelings for you apart from pity, take it from me dude, she might have had a flicker of something right at the very start, but you quickly **** all over your chances.)) And then you tell her it's obvious she has feelings, that you have "analysed" the conversation and that she's trying to fool you by saying there aren't feelings.. again, needy and weird, why would you analyse the conv.. Omg. This is so bad it's amazing. Listen. Out of all the possible ways to get a girl interested in you, this, this right here, has got to be up there with the top 3 worst. EVER.

    I have a good tip for the future though; don't treat potential girlfriends like counsellors.
    I honestly can't read your wall of text.
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    (Original post by Emememily733)
    I honestly don't believe that. Here it is in short..

    You come accross, like a humongous fanny.
    Okay.
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    Sorry if I came across like a creepy ****. I am not. I was just really in pain because this is girl that I wanted to know.
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    I just wish I could observe her so that I can know if I my gut instincts was right or wrong about her. I would be more than satisfied with that.
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    (Original post by pickup)
    You know, you didn't really know this girl. How could you after such a short time. You were emotionally involved with your idea of her, that's all. A very common mistake. This is why people are very disillusioned when reality finally strikes.

    Next time get to know people before committing yourself emotionally so much.
    This is spot on. You didn't know her long enough to be genuinely this attached. Try to see things from a rational perspective instead of a romanticised position.

    (Original post by Summerdays)
    It was the way things happened. I met her at a very bad time in my life. And she was the first girl that I wanted to talk to after just looking at her once.
    Exactly. She was the first girl to come along and be polite/civil at a time when you felt emotionally vulnerable. It isn't her you are attached to but the idea of what she could be.

    (Original post by Summerdays)
    Sorry if I came across like a creepy ****. I am not. I was just really in pain because this is girl that I wanted to know.
    Wanted to know. Not girl you know well. You really are far too invested in someone you barely know.

    (Original post by Summerdays)
    I just wish I could observe her so that I can know if I my gut instincts was right or wrong about her. I would be more than satisfied with that.
    I don't think you would be. If you consider this thread from the start you'd see that it's already clear your instincts about her were generally wrong. You didn't read her very well and you didn't read the overall situation very well.
    You need to accept that she just didn't particularly want your friendship and that who she has a relationship with instead is her choice. You keep focusing on her boyfriend's age as if that's a reason she should be with you and not him. There could be a thousand reasons she's with him and why his age doesn't bother her. Equally, you might be perfect for her and he isn't...but that's her perogative and relationship choices aren't always based on a logical conclusion of who is best suited to us on paper. Move on. There's nothing left here worth your time and effort in analysing it.
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    (Original post by Sazzle4)
    This is spot on. You didn't know her long enough to be genuinely this attached. Try to see things from a rational perspective instead of a romanticised position.


    Exactly. She was the first girl to come along and be polite/civil at a time when you felt emotionally vulnerable. It isn't her you are attached to but the idea of what she could be.



    Wanted to know. Not girl you know well. You really are far too invested in someone you barely know.



    I don't think you would be. If you consider this thread from the start you'd see that it's already clear your instincts about her were generally wrong. You didn't read her very well and you didn't read the overall situation very well.
    You need to accept that she just didn't particularly want your friendship and that who she has a relationship with instead is her choice. You keep focusing on her boyfriend's age as if that's a reason she should be with you and not him. There could be a thousand reasons she's with him and why his age doesn't bother her. Equally, you might be perfect for her and he isn't...but that's her perogative and relationship choices aren't always based on a logical conclusion of who is best suited to us on paper. Move on. There's nothing left here worth your time and effort in analysing it.
    You know what... I think this is what I needed to hear. Thanks, sir!
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    I really want to know why she did things the way she did them in hopes of knowing whether my initial gut feelings match reality. In theory, it should help me to move on a lot faster but, in reality, it might lead to even more questions. And what if it is the case that my gut instincts do, indeed, match reality. I will be in an even worse state then - especially when I know full well that I can't change anything. But it is unlikely because I had such a very idealised version of what I wanted out of her.
    Unfortunately, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, one person can only control 50% of the situation. The way I tried to control the situation between me and her is the same was I try to control any situation of my life - I like to take control of the situation. It doesn't work for interpersonal relationships because, again, only 50% of the situation can be controlled be any either person.

    I was depressed and I had already lost one of my close friends, which made me feel a lot worse, before I'd even met her. I approached her in such an intense manner because I was afraid of losing her to someone else (this was before I knew she had a boyfriend; boyfriends have ended an unacceptable number of my friendships in the past) and I wanted to make a deep friendship as fast as possible due to my condition. In hindsight, it was a bad way to go, but I don't think it is worthy enough to end a friendship with.

    Her name means more than just the person that I am referring to, much like how the names "Naomi" and "Andreea" that came before. Subconsciously, it represents the companionship that I have always wanted. The companionship that I have always cried to have. Due to unfortunate circumstances, mum would leave for work while I stayed at home watching TV all day, with no friends or siblings. It has been this way for 15 years. At the time, I was perfectly fine with it. But, like with anything that is very unhealthy, it caught up with me.
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    I really want to know why she did things the way she did them in hopes of knowing whether my initial gut feelings match reality. In theory, it should help me to move on a lot faster but, in reality, it might lead to even more questions. And what if it is the case that my gut instincts do, indeed, match reality. I will be in an even worse state then - especially when I know full well that I can't change anything. But it is unlikely because I had such a very idealised version of what I wanted out of her.
    Unfortunately, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, one person can only control 50% of the situation. The way I tried to control the situation between me and Susan is the same was I try to control any situation of my life - I like to take control of the situation. It doesn't work for interpersonal relationships because, again, only 50% of the situation can be controlled be any either person.

    I was depressed and I had already lost one of my close friends, which made me feel a lot worse, before I'd even met her. I approached her in such an intense manner because I was afraid of losing her to someone else (this was before I knew she had a boyfriend; boyfriends have ended an unacceptable number of my friendships in the past) and I wanted to make a deep friendship as fast as possible due to my condition. In hindsight, it was a bad way to go, but I don't think it is worthy enough to end a friendship with.

    Her name means more than just the person that I am referring to, much like how the names "Naomi" and "Andreea" that came before. Subconsciously, it represents the companionship that I have always wanted. The companionship that I have always cried to have. Due to unfortunate circumstances, mum would leave for work while I stayed at home watching TV all day, with no friends or siblings. It has been this way for 15 years. At the time, I was perfectly fine with it. But, like with anything that is very unhealthy, it caught up with me.
    As you pointed out yourself, what pushed her away is because you were too pushy. You barely knew her and vice versa and yet you were tell her 'your life story' per say and even when she attempted to end the friendship the first time (Which she probably could have done in a better way) you still persisted which most likely creeped her out and annoyed her as it makes you seem desperate.

    There is no point mulling over the situation because I am certain- no offence- she is not thinking about you. You need to forget about why she done what she did because it is done and there is no changing it so instead, why don't you just go make some new friends. If you attempt to contact her things will get very much worse and if she is feeling intimidated she may tell her boyfriend and friends and things will explode so just leave it alone...
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    (Original post by Wonderer1)
    As you pointed out yourself, what pushed her away is because you were too pushy. You barely knew her and vice versa and yet you were tell her 'your life story' per say and even when she attempted to end the friendship the first time (Which she probably could have done in a better way) you still persisted which most likely creeped her out and annoyed her as it makes you seem desperate.

    There is no point mulling over the situation because I am certain- no offence- she is not thinking about you. You need to forget about why she done what she did because it is done and there is no changing it so instead, why don't you just go make some new friends. If you attempt to contact her things will get very much worse and if she is feeling intimidated she may tell her boyfriend and friends and things will explode so just leave it alone...
    I am not even implying that she is still thinking of me because I know that it is very unlikely that she is. I want to know the answers for purely my own benefits. But, unfortunately, I am most likely to never know the true answers. Don't worry, I'll never talk to her again, unless she talks to me first (again, this is unlikely).

    You know, if she was 100% honest with me, instead of using the "I have lost so many friends in the past excuse" I wouldn't have persisted. I tried to convince her that feelings will not be included - I cared, first and for most, about knowing her. And I did explain, in my previous post, why I wanted to get some answers.

    I only revealed my life story after she unblocked me, because I thought she wanted to know - she was the one that asked all of the questions
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    (Original post by Summerdays)
    I am not even implying that she is still thinking of me because I know that it is very unlikely that she is. I want to know the answers for purely my own benefits. But, unfortunately, I am most likely to never know the true answers. Don't worry, I'll never talk to her again, unless she talks to me first (again, this is unlikely).

    You know, if she was 100% honest with me, instead of using the "I have lost so many friends in the past excuse" I wouldn't have persisted. I tried to convince her that feelings will not be included - I cared, first and for most, about knowing her. And I did explain, in my previous post, why I wanted to get some answers.

    I only revealed my life story after she unblocked me, because I thought she wanted to know - she was the one that asked all of the questions
    Yeah, I will give that to you. I do believe that she could have handled the situation differently. I do believe she should have been honest with you but perhaps she was scared of the repercussions, I don't know. I'm assuming she wanted to take the easy route by blocking you but felt bad and so she unblocked you. I hope you find peace of mind in the future.
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    (Original post by Wonderer1)
    Yeah, I will give that to you. I do believe that she could have handled the situation differently. I do believe she should have been honest with you but perhaps she was scared of the repercussions, I don't know. I'm assuming she wanted to take the easy route by blocking you but felt bad and so she unblocked you. I hope you find peace of mind in the future.
    Thank you. That's all that I can pray for.
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    Here's the big summary of everything that has happened:

    When I saw her for the first time, she was studying the fourth floor of the library. I didn't see her once again until a month later; I wasn't actually actively looking for her, I must say - and I wasn't sure if I was going to recognise her if I was to see her again . When I saw her again, I remember thinking very hard to find something to say, and I ended up tapping her and then asking her "Hey, are you a fourth year chemist?" while knowing full well that she isn't. Her reply was "No, I am a first year biomed". I ended the conversation with "Oh, sorry, my mistake!" while laughing it off. I saw her again, a couple of times, around campus, but I didn't say anything or smile at her because she was with people. It wasn't until I one day saw her sitting alone in the library cafe (eating a baguette) that I decided to go talk to her.
    It was a very spontaneous decision that I made; it is something that I would have never done a year ago. I asked her "Hey, is anyone sitting here?" and she replied with "No, you can sit here". I then asked her "Haven't I seen you before" and then she said "Yes, you thought I was a fourth year chemist". I was slightly surprised that she remembered considering more than a month had past between this conversation and the previous one. We then introduced ourselves, spoke about her home country, and then we spoke about our respective courses. I asked for her facebook, and we added each other during the conversation. Also, during that conversation, she dropped a small amount of cheese (from her baguette) on the table - as she did so, she started blushing and making an audible sound will trying to sweep it. I then asked her "What's that?" and her reply was, in a very cute manner, "I was trying to hide it from you". I found it really cute. Everything was going so smoothly that day. We then walked to the library and took the lift together (I was working at the fourth floor - she was working at the fifth). It was only the two of us at the lift, and we didn't say anything while in the lift. A week later, I decided to flirt with her a bit because I didn't want her to friendzone me - I thought she was single. A few hours after flirting with her, she messaged me to inform me that she is taken. She still wanted me to be her friend, and so did I.

    That very same day, we both found out that we share the same MBTI personality type (INTJ); I was so excited when she told me that. Our conversations became deeper and more meaningful the second we found out. But then the strangest thing happened the very next day... She unfriended me on facebook. At first, I assumed it was her boyfriend that made her do it. After politely asking her why was I unfriended, she told me that the reason why she unfriended me is because she wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep in contact with me considering, in her point of view, that I liked her more than a friend. I tried my very hardest to convince her that I hd no feelings for her, and that I will prevent any feelings from ever interfering with our friendship, but she still insisted on cutting contact with me. She eventually blocked me that very same day, before unblocking me the very next day (for, largely, unknown reasons). Her reasoning is that she fears that I will develop stronger feelings for her if I keep talking to her. Yet, she still wanted us to talk to her IN PERSON whenever I see her; she wants us to be acquaintances.

    After giving her 6 weeks’ worth of space, I decided to facebook message her again. I informed her, in that message, that I want to tell her some things, but it would take me about a week to write them down (mainly, due to exams). In that same message, I also wrote "I hope your emotions are no longer an issue". It was a bad move, in retrospect, because her reply was "I think we shouldn't talk in any way. And my emotions do not play a role here. Bye!" She quickly blocked me after that. I still emailed her immediately after she'd block me - I told her that "It's quite obvious that you had feelings for me; I was wondering why your personality changed on the Saturday that we last spoke." The e-mail wasn't aggressive, but I tried my best to convey disappointment. In retrospect, she probably didn't, but it felt that way to me for a month or so. Two months later, and she's still, very much, in my mind. She's a big WHAT IF to me - because I only knew her for 8 days. I haven't see her at all, on campus, since the day that she unfriended me. I presume that she decided to stop coming to the library that is located at the main campus. This whole situation, admittedly, made me even more depressed than I was before I knew her. I had so many things that I wanted to discuss with her. Today, I found out that she is dating the 17 year old that I had always suspected to be the boyfriend.

    I tried my best to communicate to her that just because I find her cute doesn't mean we can't be just friends. And the only reason why I wanted to stay friends is because she showed characteristics that I also have (and we even share the same MBTI personality type).

    The conversation confused me for the following reasons:



    • She was still talking to me (and was invested in the conversation) despite the flirting.
    • She seemed really happy when I told her that we can be "really great friends" after it was revealed that we are both INTJs, when she said "Yes ".
    • Before the unfriending, she used a lot of smiley emoticons. When she unfriended me she initially using sad emoticons. And then when she unblocked me, she didn't use any smiley or sad emoticons/the sad emoticons were replaced with ellipses "..".
    • In fact, there was a significant change to the way she spoke to me after unblocking me.
    • It seemed like she was angry at me during the conversation we had after she unblocked me. As if she was trying to find reasons to be 'mean'.
    • For example, despite everything I had already said she still questioned my depression by saying "May I just say that from seeing you in person you don't look like someone that is depressed. You seemed okay." And then the next thing she wrote was her final goodbye to me.


    She initially wrote "I thought being around me more or seeing me more would increase your feelings towards me" and then she said "please, do talk to me when you see me, okay? We can be just good acquaintances".

    When she unblocked me, she asked me about what severe depression is and how is it different from mild depression - this was her first question after unblocking me. But before she even unfriended me she was telling ME about the differences.

    I just wish she was more clear; and consistent with her intentions. First she says it's because of my feelings, then at the end she said it's because of how vulnerable I am, I shouldn't talk to someone that I am attracted to because feelings will culminate. I don't know.

    The reason why I am still looking for answers is because I find it impossible to move on without concrete answers (it was like this with my former best friend). So I have been asking a lot of questions in hopes that it would help me to get as close to understanding what her true intentions were without going to the horse's mouth itself.

    I really want to know why she did things the way she did them in hopes of knowing whether my initial gut feelings match reality. In theory, it should help me to move on a lot faster but, in reality, it might lead to even more questions. And what if it is the case that my gut instincts do, indeed, match reality? I will be in an even worse state than I was before - especially when I know, full well, that I can't change anything. But it is unlikely because I had such a very idealised version of what I wanted out of her.
    Unfortunately, when it comes to interpersonal relationships, one person can only control 50% of the situation. The way I tried to control the situation between me and her is the same was I try to control any situation of my life - I like to take control of the situation. It doesn't work for interpersonal relationships because, again, only 50% of the situation can be controlled be any either person.

    I was depressed and I had already lost one of my close friends, which made me feel a lot worse, before I'd even met her. I approached her in such an intense manner because I was afraid of losing her to someone else (this was before I knew she had a boyfriend; boyfriends have ended an unacceptable number of my friendships in the past) and I wanted to make a deep friendship as fast as possible due to my condition. In hindsight, it was a bad way to go, but I don't think it is worthy enough to end a friendship with.

    Her name means more than just the person that I am referring to, much like how the names "Naomi" and "Andreea" that came before. Subconsciously, it represents the companionship that I have always wanted. The companionship that I have always cried to have. Due to unfortunate circumstances, mum would leave for work while I stayed at home watching TV all day, with no friends or siblings. It has been this way for 15 years. At the time, I was perfectly fine with it. But, like with anything that is very unhealthy, it caught up with me. The "No!" that I shouted and screamed today weren't just tantrums, they were 15 years of loneliness finally coming out of me for everyone to see (and hear).





    I should also note that I will not, ever, communicate with her, in any way, unless she does so first. I know that she is extremely unlikely to even be thinking about what had happened between us (and why would she?). I am doing just for purely my own sake and benefits.
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    From what I have read I don't think she is interested in you as BF material and perhaps she should not have engaged so much given that fact.
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    it was nice to begin with, but you tried too hard at the unfriend bit. And then it started to seem like she was too mature for you, and that she pitied you. If I were you, I'd leave it for a decent amount of time and then just start talking irl and not online to begin with
 
 
 
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