I've noticed a trend
Usually when things end rather hastily, sometimes without reason, sometimes very abruptly - I've noticed a trend as I've got older (It might be online dating apps) and it might be because I treat people very well and with respect (Maybe I am too nice and that's why they end it? lol) but people tend to come running back?
This is always from the same women that say, I am a very nice guy, I did nothing wrong, it was never personal to me. It's always the ones that I've given very good memories towards.Is it because they aren't thinking logically at the time they end things only to not realise that you would walk away completely like they don't exist? Rather than fight for them? I used to try fighting for them only to push them further away - so ended that policy rather quickly.
This is always from the same women that say, I am a very nice guy, I did nothing wrong, it was never personal to me. It's always the ones that I've given very good memories towards.Is it because they aren't thinking logically at the time they end things only to not realise that you would walk away completely like they don't exist? Rather than fight for them? I used to try fighting for them only to push them further away - so ended that policy rather quickly.
The important part is just to be happy with your life and your outlook. One day that perfect fit person will drop into your life just when you least expect it. Don't change but do ask if you might happen to make any offensive comments that could give an insight into your mindset (be careful to be tactful and think how any comments may be received or interpreted) That said your personality is pretty much given by your DNA. All you can do is put yourself out there to meet as many people as you can and do the stuff you thoroughly enjoy.
People seem to be more and more worried about what other people think. That seems to be society right now. "How will this appear to others" Instead of getting on with life and saying 'to hell' with other peoples opinions everyone seems to be so worried about what other people might say. No wonder we have a generation of anxious and depressed young people. It seems the opinions of other people matter so much more online as usually individuals are worried about losing face, losing influence and losing status.
Just be the great guy you seem to be and 'shrug' - If a prospective gf walks away it's their loss but eventually you will find someone you are head over heels with and it will all be reciprocated. Trust grows a little slower.
Sometimes in the early stages of getting to know someone any comment that opens an undesirable side of your personality to scrutiny or disgust the other party will run for the hills. That works both ways. You can overlook a lot but many people have a red line or a 'trigger' that is a step too far for them. At that stage it can 'kill' the romantic vision and may end a relationship abruptly. Slowly you get to know someone through the rough and the smooth and if you still have eyes for each other after that you will have a good solid base to be a partnership for life (if that would be your ambition)
Be aware and be self aware but don't agonise. Just be you.
People seem to be more and more worried about what other people think. That seems to be society right now. "How will this appear to others" Instead of getting on with life and saying 'to hell' with other peoples opinions everyone seems to be so worried about what other people might say. No wonder we have a generation of anxious and depressed young people. It seems the opinions of other people matter so much more online as usually individuals are worried about losing face, losing influence and losing status.
Just be the great guy you seem to be and 'shrug' - If a prospective gf walks away it's their loss but eventually you will find someone you are head over heels with and it will all be reciprocated. Trust grows a little slower.
Sometimes in the early stages of getting to know someone any comment that opens an undesirable side of your personality to scrutiny or disgust the other party will run for the hills. That works both ways. You can overlook a lot but many people have a red line or a 'trigger' that is a step too far for them. At that stage it can 'kill' the romantic vision and may end a relationship abruptly. Slowly you get to know someone through the rough and the smooth and if you still have eyes for each other after that you will have a good solid base to be a partnership for life (if that would be your ambition)
Be aware and be self aware but don't agonise. Just be you.
This is a fairly detailed response, which is really lovely and thoughtful, so thank you. I normally deal quite well with this stuff, especially the last 5 years and most things haven't phased me. I generally think by putting myself out there I've gained more experience and that's shifted my personality albeit I understand more about the big wide world now although that's opened me to more hurt. But that saying speaks volumes "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger". I am very much a person now, and if I see any red flags - defined or undefined I tend to walk or start walking away very quickly, although I've now learned that it's not always meant to be - sometimes these red flags aren't red, but proceed with some caution.
So I was recently seeing someone for two months, and we had a lot of dates, which I thought went really well - after about 4 weeks maybe she proceeded to want exclusivity. I proceeded with utter caution because I've had this before (5 years ago) and It fell through very quickly - but we continued to date.
She then wanted to sleep with me, which I agreed to and she complimented and respected me for waiting. Things went fairly well until she went away from me for a few weeks. Whilst she was away she started acting up, slow replies, cancelling future dates we'd planned and in summary it seemed like multiple excuses mostly circulating, out of the blue, she told me she’d started to feel under pressure and that things were getting serious too quickly.
I don't know much about her past, and she would openly say to never speak about it - which I fully understood but I think may have a bearing on her change overnight. She says I've done nothing wrong, it's not personal and she wouldn't change anything I've done for her and it was very difficult for her to have the conversation.
Anyway digressing, since that, she's chased me 3 times. Once to respond to her, secondly to know where I stand with it all and thirdly a random "Accidental Whatsapp call". But nothing since. I find myself unable to deal with this situation because normally, once things are ended you go your separate ways? My mind tells me that she's trying to glossy coat the let down so that she feels less guilty, but how can one simply understand what someone is thinking?
I can guarantee, and based on the above It wouldn't surprise me if I'll be on here in the future posting about her next move. How can we go from texting morning, day and night and seeing each other every day to nothing just like that? Surely it's more impactful on her, because she's the root cause of it ending.
So I was recently seeing someone for two months, and we had a lot of dates, which I thought went really well - after about 4 weeks maybe she proceeded to want exclusivity. I proceeded with utter caution because I've had this before (5 years ago) and It fell through very quickly - but we continued to date.
She then wanted to sleep with me, which I agreed to and she complimented and respected me for waiting. Things went fairly well until she went away from me for a few weeks. Whilst she was away she started acting up, slow replies, cancelling future dates we'd planned and in summary it seemed like multiple excuses mostly circulating, out of the blue, she told me she’d started to feel under pressure and that things were getting serious too quickly.
I don't know much about her past, and she would openly say to never speak about it - which I fully understood but I think may have a bearing on her change overnight. She says I've done nothing wrong, it's not personal and she wouldn't change anything I've done for her and it was very difficult for her to have the conversation.
Anyway digressing, since that, she's chased me 3 times. Once to respond to her, secondly to know where I stand with it all and thirdly a random "Accidental Whatsapp call". But nothing since. I find myself unable to deal with this situation because normally, once things are ended you go your separate ways? My mind tells me that she's trying to glossy coat the let down so that she feels less guilty, but how can one simply understand what someone is thinking?
I can guarantee, and based on the above It wouldn't surprise me if I'll be on here in the future posting about her next move. How can we go from texting morning, day and night and seeing each other every day to nothing just like that? Surely it's more impactful on her, because she's the root cause of it ending.
Original post by Muttly
The important part is just to be happy with your life and your outlook. One day that perfect fit person will drop into your life just when you least expect it. Don't change but do ask if you might happen to make any offensive comments that could give an insight into your mindset (be careful to be tactful and think how any comments may be received or interpreted) That said your personality is pretty much given by your DNA. All you can do is put yourself out there to meet as many people as you can and do the stuff you thoroughly enjoy.
People seem to be more and more worried about what other people think. That seems to be society right now. "How will this appear to others" Instead of getting on with life and saying 'to hell' with other peoples opinions everyone seems to be so worried about what other people might say. No wonder we have a generation of anxious and depressed young people. It seems the opinions of other people matter so much more online as usually individuals are worried about losing face, losing influence and losing status.
Just be the great guy you seem to be and 'shrug' - If a prospective gf walks away it's their loss but eventually you will find someone you are head over heels with and it will all be reciprocated. Trust grows a little slower.
Sometimes in the early stages of getting to know someone any comment that opens an undesirable side of your personality to scrutiny or disgust the other party will run for the hills. That works both ways. You can overlook a lot but many people have a red line or a 'trigger' that is a step too far for them. At that stage it can 'kill' the romantic vision and may end a relationship abruptly. Slowly you get to know someone through the rough and the smooth and if you still have eyes for each other after that you will have a good solid base to be a partnership for life (if that would be your ambition)
Be aware and be self aware but don't agonise. Just be you.
People seem to be more and more worried about what other people think. That seems to be society right now. "How will this appear to others" Instead of getting on with life and saying 'to hell' with other peoples opinions everyone seems to be so worried about what other people might say. No wonder we have a generation of anxious and depressed young people. It seems the opinions of other people matter so much more online as usually individuals are worried about losing face, losing influence and losing status.
Just be the great guy you seem to be and 'shrug' - If a prospective gf walks away it's their loss but eventually you will find someone you are head over heels with and it will all be reciprocated. Trust grows a little slower.
Sometimes in the early stages of getting to know someone any comment that opens an undesirable side of your personality to scrutiny or disgust the other party will run for the hills. That works both ways. You can overlook a lot but many people have a red line or a 'trigger' that is a step too far for them. At that stage it can 'kill' the romantic vision and may end a relationship abruptly. Slowly you get to know someone through the rough and the smooth and if you still have eyes for each other after that you will have a good solid base to be a partnership for life (if that would be your ambition)
Be aware and be self aware but don't agonise. Just be you.
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