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Dissociation

I think I suffer from dissociation. I barely feel any emotion. I haven't felt real, sustained happiness (I.E more then one day) for years. When people see 'moving images' and it reduces them to tears, I can only stare with a blank face. I was looking through this thread:

Whats the most moving picture youve ever seen

I don't know what to do about it, to be honest, I went through all ten pages of that thread and I didn't get a shiver, heart flutter, nothing, no tears, not even a pang of emotion. I remember being pretty emotional when I was younger, but It never got me anywhere, It always made things worse and people ignored me. I've always been fine with being alone, to a point. I don't even know what 'Love' is, I've always speculated that Love doesn't exist and it is merely just wanting to be with another person because It makes you happy, however happy it is.

I'm always told by people that I don't show any emotion and they joke about me having a blank face all the time. I genuinely find it difficult. The only emotion I ever feel is sadness, no, I don't even feel anger, which makes the below part even weirder.

It disturbs me actually, I've been having more frequent dreams lately, where I have the most vivid, unbelievably clear, focused dreams about how, exactly, down to all the details I would remove the human race, broken down into countries and then cities. I woke up a few days ago from my worst episode yet and I just felt so...shocked. In the dreams I'm very aware as well, I seem to make decisions inside the dreams, It's not like I'm just watching. The dreams always have a bit of everything, I had nuclear bombs, missiles, [C4, small firearms] (Destruction of my current town) as well as earthquakes in my last dream. (I'm merely including these details to help you understand how serious my dreams are)

I wonder whether I actually have a disorder of some sort or whether this is just how I am. This definitely isn't normal. I experience very little sleep also, I on average go to bed at 2:40am, thereabouts, to wake up at 7:20, allowing for time to actually go to sleep, about 4 hours sleep? It doesn't seem to affect me though, I've only started to do this because I don't see any point in getting unnecessary sleep, every day goes the same anyway.

Reply 1

beccah

Original post by Extended Arpeggio

I think I suffer from dissociation.

Have you experienced any trauma growing up that could have triggered this?
Do you suffer from panic attacks or anxiety at all?

PM if you need to talk, I know what you're going through, I've been through similar. It is curable, chin up, x