English Controlled Assessment! Opinions?

Hey guys, so for our English CA we have to do a monologue, and I've done a draft. I want your honest opinion on it and I would really appreciate some tips! Also, could you suggest a title for it?

[A man in his early twenties, dressed in casual clothes, is lying back on the bed, looking defeated. He has the look of a person you would never trust; deceit is clear in his eyes, yet he seems innocent. The bed is in the middle of the room, clearly an expensive antique piece of furniture, completed with an ornate and intricate structure. The blinds are open and the sunlight of a cold, yet picturesque winter’s day is giving the rooms its light. The man hears the door slam and flinches at the sound that echoes in his head. He speaks with a distinct, yet unplaceable accent.]

I’ve had enough. I’m sick of her manipulating ways- what have I done now? I try to do everything right. I just want her to appreciate what I do, for her, for us. I hate the way she slams the door after a fight, as if she wants to show irrepressible emotions that are never truly vocalised. And how many times have I heard that noise? The noise which tells me, it’s getting closer to an end. Not for us- for her.

He leans forwards, anticipation dancing in his eyes as his face contorts into a bizarre version of a smirk.]

[A few hours later, it is around six in the evening, there is a spotlight on the figure of the man, which is seen, slumped forwards apathetically. He sits in a white leather sofa; pure and unbounded like untouched snow.]

I didn’t think I would do it. [He glances down at the gun in his hand] I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know why I did it. [He speaks quickly, as an attempt to justify himself with speed of a guilty man.] The monster inside me propelled me to do it- a taunting voice- I felt this unyielding compulsion to do as he said, possessed by the monster within.

[The lights all come on, illuminating the room with an oddly phosphorus glow. You can see the extent of the damage down, it’s obvious there were struggled attempts, there’s shattered glass, sharp shards which evoke pain. On the once perfect floor, there is a body. A body in a pool of blood. It lies there, devoid of any life. The most shocking of all is the face, annihilated by the blow of the gun, seemingly devoured by animals. The man walks towards the body; he falls to his knees and sobs uncontrollably whilst he buries his face in her chest.]

I became what I was destined to be. Anger meant that I might knock a table over in frustration. It got worse. Much worse. The monster enjoyed it, he took over me every chance he had. And he hated her, hated her with the same passion I love her with. But I made a promise, and I will join her, right by her side, the way I said I’d always be. With her.

[He angles the gun towards his head and pulls the trigger.]

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 1

Beat

I hope you're as good at acting as you're good at writing. It's a bit too depressing and sadistic for my taste though... but, either way it looks interesting!

Reply 2

SumatiKotecha

Haha, well, luckily it's for writing, should have made that clear. I have taken Drama though, and I'm starting Stage2 soon, so, should be okay for when I need to perform it! But thank you very much. :smile: