English language creative writing help?
I am trying to improve my creative writing skills so if anyone can read my descriptive writing and give me some feedback that will be great.
The picture I used is:
http://www.aestheticamagazine.com/aesthetica-creative-writing-award-last-day-enter/
My Writing:
Dark.Alone.Scary.Walking through a forest filled with deep thoughts. Grains of dust on the floor, mud everywhere, trees standing like soldiers guarding the place this place from all the terrors of the world. Howling wolves from every corner of the forest coming into my ear. Train tracks to follow, they look like they have rust on them and don,t belong there.
Rocks sitting on the ground, don,t have anything else to do. Smoke everywhere, white cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go. Would not leave me alone! I keep running and running I see an abandoned building in the farthest corner of the forest, it has dust everywhere from the walls to the ground but the doors are shiny and are glaring at me. Confused thinking these doors don,t belong here, although the doors are shiny, windows are antique are screaming as if I can hear their noises. Suddenly I see a newspaper on the floor ripped into pieces, the headline says: Grandparents killed their own child.
Creeped out I walk further down and see more train tracks, not any train tracks new ones! when were these? glittering and shiny train tracks pulling me towards a construction site, never in my life I have seen anything like it. Sparkling building with so much to discover; walking inside the walls are so soft that it looks like they are made of marshmallows. Glossy windows showing me a site of the whole city.
Did I just discover a new city?
As I started to turn around and walk back to where I was, I fell and tripped, and made a bang! noise. Walking back I forgot my way back and came near a river, to quench my thirst I started to drink water from the river and the water is cold and refreshing. Fishes came in and out of the river making splashing noises when doing it. Losing time I started to walk run and could smell the smoke it is disgusting it smells like a dead animal. When I came to the forest I stepped on a piece of wood it suddenly started to make groaning noises like a grandfather shouting at his grandchild. This place is dark and scary I almost forgot how lonely this place is.
This place reminds me of hell.
The picture I used is:
http://www.aestheticamagazine.com/aesthetica-creative-writing-award-last-day-enter/
My Writing:
Dark.Alone.Scary.Walking through a forest filled with deep thoughts. Grains of dust on the floor, mud everywhere, trees standing like soldiers guarding the place this place from all the terrors of the world. Howling wolves from every corner of the forest coming into my ear. Train tracks to follow, they look like they have rust on them and don,t belong there.
Rocks sitting on the ground, don,t have anything else to do. Smoke everywhere, white cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go. Would not leave me alone! I keep running and running I see an abandoned building in the farthest corner of the forest, it has dust everywhere from the walls to the ground but the doors are shiny and are glaring at me. Confused thinking these doors don,t belong here, although the doors are shiny, windows are antique are screaming as if I can hear their noises. Suddenly I see a newspaper on the floor ripped into pieces, the headline says: Grandparents killed their own child.
Creeped out I walk further down and see more train tracks, not any train tracks new ones! when were these? glittering and shiny train tracks pulling me towards a construction site, never in my life I have seen anything like it. Sparkling building with so much to discover; walking inside the walls are so soft that it looks like they are made of marshmallows. Glossy windows showing me a site of the whole city.
Did I just discover a new city?
As I started to turn around and walk back to where I was, I fell and tripped, and made a bang! noise. Walking back I forgot my way back and came near a river, to quench my thirst I started to drink water from the river and the water is cold and refreshing. Fishes came in and out of the river making splashing noises when doing it. Losing time I started to walk run and could smell the smoke it is disgusting it smells like a dead animal. When I came to the forest I stepped on a piece of wood it suddenly started to make groaning noises like a grandfather shouting at his grandchild. This place is dark and scary I almost forgot how lonely this place is.
This place reminds me of hell.
I am trying to improve my creative writing skills so if anyone can read my descriptive writing and give me some feedback that will be great.
The picture I used is:
http://www.aestheticamagazine.com/ae...ast-day-enter/
My Writing:
Dark.Alone.Scary.Walking through a forest filled with deep thoughts. Grains of dust on the floor, mud everywhere, trees standing like soldiers guarding the place this place from all the terrors of the world. Howling wolves from every corner of the forest coming into my ear. Train tracks to follow, they look like they have rust on them and don,t belong there.
Rocks sitting on the ground, don,t have anything else to do. Smoke everywhere, white cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go. Would not leave me alone! I keep running and running I see an abandoned building in the farthest corner of the forest, it has dust everywhere from the walls to the ground but the doors are shiny and are glaring at me. Confused thinking these doors don,t belong here, although the doors are shiny, windows are antique are screaming as if I can hear their noises. Suddenly I see a newspaper on the floor ripped into pieces, the headline says: Grandparents killed their own child.
Creeped out I walk further down and see more train tracks, not any train tracks new ones! when were these? glittering and shiny train tracks pulling me towards a construction site, never in my life I have seen anything like it. Sparkling building with so much to discover; walking inside the walls are so soft that it looks like they are made of marshmallows. Glossy windows showing me a site of the whole city.
Did I just discover a new city?
As I started to turn around and walk back to where I was, I fell and tripped, and made a bang! noise. Walking back I forgot my way back and came near a river, to quench my thirst I started to drink water from the river and the water is cold and refreshing. Fishes came in and out of the river making splashing noises when doing it. Losing time I started to walk run and could smell the smoke it is disgusting it smells like a dead animal. When I came to the forest I stepped on a piece of wood it suddenly started to make groaning noises like a grandfather shouting at his grandchild. This place is dark and scary I almost forgot how lonely this place is.
This place reminds me of hell.
The picture I used is:
http://www.aestheticamagazine.com/ae...ast-day-enter/
My Writing:
Dark.Alone.Scary.Walking through a forest filled with deep thoughts. Grains of dust on the floor, mud everywhere, trees standing like soldiers guarding the place this place from all the terrors of the world. Howling wolves from every corner of the forest coming into my ear. Train tracks to follow, they look like they have rust on them and don,t belong there.
Rocks sitting on the ground, don,t have anything else to do. Smoke everywhere, white cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go. Would not leave me alone! I keep running and running I see an abandoned building in the farthest corner of the forest, it has dust everywhere from the walls to the ground but the doors are shiny and are glaring at me. Confused thinking these doors don,t belong here, although the doors are shiny, windows are antique are screaming as if I can hear their noises. Suddenly I see a newspaper on the floor ripped into pieces, the headline says: Grandparents killed their own child.
Creeped out I walk further down and see more train tracks, not any train tracks new ones! when were these? glittering and shiny train tracks pulling me towards a construction site, never in my life I have seen anything like it. Sparkling building with so much to discover; walking inside the walls are so soft that it looks like they are made of marshmallows. Glossy windows showing me a site of the whole city.
Did I just discover a new city?
As I started to turn around and walk back to where I was, I fell and tripped, and made a bang! noise. Walking back I forgot my way back and came near a river, to quench my thirst I started to drink water from the river and the water is cold and refreshing. Fishes came in and out of the river making splashing noises when doing it. Losing time I started to walk run and could smell the smoke it is disgusting it smells like a dead animal. When I came to the forest I stepped on a piece of wood it suddenly started to make groaning noises like a grandfather shouting at his grandchild. This place is dark and scary I almost forgot how lonely this place is.
This place reminds me of hell.
1. Take care with your punctuation and grammar!
2. Make the focus shift more smoothly - what I mean by this is instead of saying: "Rocks are scary. Trees are scary. Wolves are howling." How about:
Original:
Walking through a forest filled with deep thoughts. Grains of dust on the floor, mud everywhere, trees standing like soldiers guarding the place this place from all the terrors of the world. Howling wolves from every corner of the forest coming into my ear. Train tracks to follow, they look like they have rust on them and don,t belong there.
Rocks sitting on the ground, don,t have anything else to do. Smoke everywhere, white cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go. Would not leave me alone! I keep running and running
My suggestion:
Treading through the forest, my mind filled with deep thoughts. I glance down: grains of dust on the floor and mud everywhere. I glance up and I'm surrounded by trees, standing like soldiers, guarding this place from all the terrors of the world. I notice that the trees are trembling - and I hear why - howling wolves from every corner of the forest. I keep trekking on - following the train tracks. They look like they have rust on them and don't belong there. I trip on some lazy rocks, the smoke everywhere blinding me - white, cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go, like ghosts following after me - they won't leave me alone! I keep running and running and running.....
So what I've tried to do there was add some sort of continuation of focus, instead of just saying the scenery of the forest line by line.
Other than that, your use of literary techniques is great, and since you're writing descriptive language, keep doing that!
3.Also, I'd say try to use more sophisticated language. The language you're using is good, but see if you can add in words like: "vicious, fiendish, plethora, disheveled, insidious, for example...." which will always help your writing.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
2. Make the focus shift more smoothly - what I mean by this is instead of saying: "Rocks are scary. Trees are scary. Wolves are howling." How about:
Original:
Walking through a forest filled with deep thoughts. Grains of dust on the floor, mud everywhere, trees standing like soldiers guarding the place this place from all the terrors of the world. Howling wolves from every corner of the forest coming into my ear. Train tracks to follow, they look like they have rust on them and don,t belong there.
Rocks sitting on the ground, don,t have anything else to do. Smoke everywhere, white cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go. Would not leave me alone! I keep running and running
My suggestion:
Treading through the forest, my mind filled with deep thoughts. I glance down: grains of dust on the floor and mud everywhere. I glance up and I'm surrounded by trees, standing like soldiers, guarding this place from all the terrors of the world. I notice that the trees are trembling - and I hear why - howling wolves from every corner of the forest. I keep trekking on - following the train tracks. They look like they have rust on them and don't belong there. I trip on some lazy rocks, the smoke everywhere blinding me - white, cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go, like ghosts following after me - they won't leave me alone! I keep running and running and running.....
So what I've tried to do there was add some sort of continuation of focus, instead of just saying the scenery of the forest line by line.
Other than that, your use of literary techniques is great, and since you're writing descriptive language, keep doing that!
3.Also, I'd say try to use more sophisticated language. The language you're using is good, but see if you can add in words like: "vicious, fiendish, plethora, disheveled, insidious, for example...." which will always help your writing.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask.
(edited 6 years ago)
Original post by theggbydealy
Take care with your punctuation and grammar.
Make the focus shift more smoothly - what I mean by this is instead of saying. Rocks are scary. Trees are scary. Wolves are howling. How about:
Original:
Walking through a forest filled with deep thoughts. Grains of dust on the floor, mud everywhere, trees standing like soldiers guarding the place this place from all the terrors of the world. Howling wolves from every corner of the forest coming into my ear. Train tracks to follow, they look like they have rust on them and don,t belong there.
Rocks sitting on the ground, don,t have anything else to do. Smoke everywhere, white cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go. Would not leave me alone! I keep running and running
My suggestion:
Tredding through the forest, my mind filled with deep thoughts. I glance down: grains of dust on the floor and mud everywhere. I glance up and I'm surrounded by trees, standing like soliders, guarding this place from all the terrors of the world. I notice that the trees are trembling - and I hear why - howling wolves from every corner of the forest. I keep trekking on - following the train tracks. They look like they have rust on them and don't belong there. I trip on some lazy rocks, the smoke everywhere blinding me - white, cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go, like ghosts following after me - they won't leave me alone! I keep running and running and running.....
So what I've tried to do there was add some sort of continuation of focus, instead of just saying the scenery of the forest line by line.
Other than that, your use of literary techniques is great, and since you're writing descriptive language, keep doing that!
Make the focus shift more smoothly - what I mean by this is instead of saying. Rocks are scary. Trees are scary. Wolves are howling. How about:
Original:
Walking through a forest filled with deep thoughts. Grains of dust on the floor, mud everywhere, trees standing like soldiers guarding the place this place from all the terrors of the world. Howling wolves from every corner of the forest coming into my ear. Train tracks to follow, they look like they have rust on them and don,t belong there.
Rocks sitting on the ground, don,t have anything else to do. Smoke everywhere, white cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go. Would not leave me alone! I keep running and running
My suggestion:
Tredding through the forest, my mind filled with deep thoughts. I glance down: grains of dust on the floor and mud everywhere. I glance up and I'm surrounded by trees, standing like soliders, guarding this place from all the terrors of the world. I notice that the trees are trembling - and I hear why - howling wolves from every corner of the forest. I keep trekking on - following the train tracks. They look like they have rust on them and don't belong there. I trip on some lazy rocks, the smoke everywhere blinding me - white, cold and scary; haunting me where ever I go, like ghosts following after me - they won't leave me alone! I keep running and running and running.....
So what I've tried to do there was add some sort of continuation of focus, instead of just saying the scenery of the forest line by line.
Other than that, your use of literary techniques is great, and since you're writing descriptive language, keep doing that!
have you got a useful technique to improve my vocabulary, because when I am writing I can't really think of that many?
Original post by Zaspo
have you got a useful technique to improve my vocabulary, because when I am writing I can't really think of that many?
Read books that’s what I do and it’s amazing with vocabulary
Original post by Zaspo
have you got a useful technique to improve my vocabulary, because when I am writing I can't really think of that many?
The best way to improve vocabulary is to read more. And not only will this improve your writing, it will give you more ideas on writing, and great examples for metaphors, personification, etc.
For example, I was reading Roald Dahl when I was doing my English Language GCSE, and he mentioned a really good weather metaphor, so I used that in my practice writing!
But yes, reading is a great way to improve vocabulary. Whenever you meet up a word you don't know, research the meaning and memorize it or write it down. Then try to incorporate it in your writing. The more you read, the more words you'll know!
Original post by fentydrug
Read books that’s what I do and it’s amazing with vocabulary
any books you recommend?
Original post by Zaspo
any books you recommend?
Books with maybe like a dark tone like the woman in black or gone girl but the perks of being a wallflower (idk what it’s called p) but apparently it’s great 3ven tho there’s no dark tone. And I would definitely recommend reading love Simon the book and just take out all the adjectives you spot in there and make notes of them then put them on flash Cards/MindMaps.
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