English Creative Writing

Hi, I sent this post earlier today, but noone replied. Pls can someone check this text? It is supposed to be a story opening of waking up as a bug or another animal. It is the same question that will come up in my English EoY tomorrow.

Thank you


Ever had the feeling that when you woke up, something was slightly different?

Many tiring sunsets and sad sunrises have passed since that morning. That morning that changed my life forever. The weather was chilly, yes very chilly. The crippled, old thermometer, that I didn’t even know I had, desperately rose and sunk, and on that morning, it was at its lowest point. No one knew if it was broken, or if it was just showing the actual temperature. Un-predictably, the window flew open and icy raindrops glided inside my room, as if they were distant relatives, coming to help me. I laid there, surrounded by a dark, mystic forest of trees that only had barks. It seemed as if I was looking through a magnifying glass that was set to the highest magnification. However, all was somewhat different… everything was turned upside down! Frightfully, I started trying to turn my presently hard-shelled body around. I was like a see-saw, tilting there and back, there and back. Later that day, when I finally managed to turn my body upright, I saw a reflection of the one thing that I hate and hated since the day I was born. It was big, the same size as me. It was staring right at my eyes, and whenever I moved, it precisely copied me. I started crawling towards it, and it started crawling towards me.



I looked out of my enormous window, and saw a dark green cloud, spilling green liquid all over the city. The roads, pavements, gardens, pools, houses were all bright green. I thought about this for long time until I finally concluded that a nuclear factory had exploded nearby, and that the clouds were dripping acid rain all over my territory. I could hear very vague footsteps, of a giant coming up the stairs towards my room. It was only then that I realized all was larger than ever before. Everything grew overnight. Unfortunately, I was one of the worst students in my chemistry class, and due to that fact, I suspected that the immense coldness caused the particles of my surroundings to expand, causing them to enlarge. I am pretty sure that I would have got an F (or should I call it a 1 now) in my Chemistry exam.



The loud footsteps were now even louder. I knew I had to go. It was a matter of life or death. Deafening silence filled me as I lied on my back, again, pretending to be dead. The rusty door opened to finally reveal the monster. I was relieved to see my younger brother coming to me with his math book, about to ask if 25/5 was 10. However, I heard him mumbling some words to himself. It nearly sounded as if he was saying that today was…flying contest day. Memories of my past reflected back to me, and one of them included a day that my brother and I always held when we saw a bug. Worryingly, I took a quick glance around the room looking for any bugs of some sort; none. He rapidly descended his hand, like an overloaded aircraft performing an emergency landing. He picked me up and started walking towards my window. Thoughts of acid rain killing me were too terrifying to even think of, so rather than that I just thought of an even larger Truck full of sand driving past my house at the exact same moment as the beast threw me outside.



I decided to shut my eyes. Again, that strange moment came to me. It was a feeling that I cant do something that just yesterday evening I could. As I was penetrating through the air, slowly becoming airborne, I noticed my body. That was the first and last glance that I took of my body. It was hard-shelled, with countless, fluffy hairs. Six, vertical legs descended from my body. I felt endangered and knew that I had to wake up. Seconds before impact, I realized this was not a dream, it was only the painful reality…

when describing, don't use 'I' too much - use verbs and nouns to start sentences

well done how do you think you did?

ah, i see. you were lucky then...

Hi, I sent this post earlier today, but noone replied. Pls can someone check this text? It is supposed to be a story opening of waking up as a bug or another animal. It is the same question that will come up in my English EoY tomorrow.

Thank you


Ever had the feeling that when you woke up, something was slightly different?

Many tiring sunsets and sad sunrises have passed since that morning. That morning that changed my life forever. The weather was chilly, yes very chilly. The crippled, old thermometer, that I didn’t even know I had, desperately rose and sunk, and on that morning, it was at its lowest point. No one knew if it was broken, or if it was just showing the actual temperature. Un-predictably, the window flew open and icy raindrops glided inside my room, as if they were distant relatives, coming to help me. I laid there, surrounded by a dark, mystic forest of trees that only had barks. It seemed as if I was looking through a magnifying glass that was set to the highest magnification. However, all was somewhat different… everything was turned upside down! Frightfully, I started trying to turn my presently hard-shelled body around. I was like a see-saw, tilting there and back, there and back. Later that day, when I finally managed to turn my body upright, I saw a reflection of the one thing that I hate and hated since the day I was born. It was big, the same size as me. It was staring right at my eyes, and whenever I moved, it precisely copied me. I started crawling towards it, and it started crawling towards me.



I looked out of my enormous window, and saw a dark green cloud, spilling green liquid all over the city. The roads, pavements, gardens, pools, houses were all bright green. I thought about this for long time until I finally concluded that a nuclear factory had exploded nearby, and that the clouds were dripping acid rain all over my territory. I could hear very vague footsteps, of a giant coming up the stairs towards my room. It was only then that I realized all was larger than ever before. Everything grew overnight. Unfortunately, I was one of the worst students in my chemistry class, and due to that fact, I suspected that the immense coldness caused the particles of my surroundings to expand, causing them to enlarge. I am pretty sure that I would have got an F (or should I call it a 1 now) in my Chemistry exam.



The loud footsteps were now even louder. I knew I had to go. It was a matter of life or death. Deafening silence filled me as I lied on my back, again, pretending to be dead. The rusty door opened to finally reveal the monster. I was relieved to see my younger brother coming to me with his math book, about to ask if 25/5 was 10. However, I heard him mumbling some words to himself. It nearly sounded as if he was saying that today was…flying contest day. Memories of my past reflected back to me, and one of them included a day that my brother and I always held when we saw a bug. Worryingly, I took a quick glance around the room looking for any bugs of some sort; none. He rapidly descended his hand, like an overloaded aircraft performing an emergency landing. He picked me up and started walking towards my window. Thoughts of acid rain killing me were too terrifying to even think of, so rather than that I just thought of an even larger Truck full of sand driving past my house at the exact same moment as the beast threw me outside.



I decided to shut my eyes. Again, that strange moment came to me. It was a feeling that I cant do something that just yesterday evening I could. As I was penetrating through the air, slowly becoming airborne, I noticed my body. That was the first and last glance that I took of my body. It was hard-shelled, with countless, fluffy hairs. Six, vertical legs descended from my body. I felt endangered and knew that I had to wake up. Seconds before impact, I realized this was not a dream, it was only the painful reality…

Really good work here, but if your exam board does narrative writing for 40 marks.
This is a tremendous story to write as its 680 words when they recommend you to write around 550.
Nevertheless, excessive length does not matter with no punctuation errors so feel free to do it. Well done