How do I know if I am frigid?

I'm 19, in my second year of college. I want to lose my virginity with this guy that I really like and we've been seeing each other for like four months. It's okay, I don't need any type of serious relationship to do it, the only thing i ever needed was a guy like him. The thing is, making out with him normally gets me really turned on, so the other night I decided we could get a bit further than that. Everything was okay at first, we had the lights on and all and I liked it to be honest, I'm not shy, my body is what it is I can't change it, and the things were getting hot as always, I took my shirt off, etc. and I know for fact that I was wet. However, he turned off the lights so I wouldn't get shy and I just couldn't concentrate and I got COMPLETELY DRY down there, and I was just so sad because I had been waiting for that moment with that boy I really liked and I liked everything he did to me but i just couldn't really get into it. I might add that after all these years of reading BDSM kind of novels i was actually expecting him to take a bit more charge of everything that was going on, it's not his fault tho, he couldn't have known. I still like him and making out with him does turn me on, I don't know about the rest. Maybe that day I had my head elsewhere, I fought with my parents and I was just thinking do everything right so much maybe I couldn't concentrate. Am I frigid? He said nothing to make me feel that way btw, he is the most comprehensive guy I've been with and I love it. We slept together after that and he hugged me, and he wants to see me again I think, but I'm just afraid my reaction will be the same. What should i do?

Reply 1

Apachecow

Get out of your head, and lower the expectations. It's weird, especially at first Personally I find sex a very visual thing and I want good lighting, I think the guy was trying to be considerate to you. Real life sex is not like it is in film/porn/books. Has he got much experience, because when I was 19 I thought I was great at sex but that wasn't the case with what I know now. If you want him to take control and dominate you then you need to tell him that - these days he's probably terrified of coming across too forceful and rapey!

Some days your body does just let you down. It could just have been nerves in the moment. I don't think this makes you frigid in any way. Are you on some kind of contraception? A baby is another worry you don't need.

My advice would be to get yourself some lube, have a couple of drinks (relaxed not drunk) and see what happens next time. There's no rulebook. This can happen organically.

Reply 2

Worriedgirl4

I know real life sex isn't the same as books, I've been talking to other friends who are experienced about it. I guess I was just distracted by everything I was thinking. I mean I guess he has experience, he's 23 and had relationships before me, and I know he's scared of coming across too forceful but I told him it was ok. I plan on talking to him about everything, we didn't have the chance yesterday because we both had to do things early in the morning.
We were actually drinking, not enough to get drunk obviously, so I was quite relaxed, just not focused in the moment I guess. Next time I might not get there expecting something to happen so things flow differently.
P.D.: I take contraception pills, and obviously will use a condom when the moment requires it.
Thanks for the advice 😊