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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

Angelil

We communicate somehow virtually every day without fail, sometimes multiple times a day (whether by MSN, email, text or normal phone). We see each other on average every 4-8 weeks (it varies wildly!). Finances wrt travelling: when I was working (basically throughout my entire undergrad :p:

) I paid for virtually all the flights etc myself, except on the occasions when my parents offered (and I was hardly going to refuse :p:

). This year I've unfortunately not been able to work (and now have been jobhunting since March but nothing suitable has really come up, or even anything unsuitable :p:

) and so parents have been paying for all my visits there :o:

where abouts does he live??!!

Reply 421

anna_spanner89

SmilerNuts

I agree with the girls. Better to have all the LDR stuff in one thread which is easily avoidable if you don't like it. Maybe an LDR FAQ should be made in the first post or something but people still need reassurance sometimes.

LDR faq is a good idea actually..could answer any little niggles etc

Reply 422

Angelil

19

anna_spanner89

where abouts does he live??!!

France

An FAQ is a good idea. Post things that you want to be included in it, either on this thread or on the chat thread (link in my sig) and I'll add the FAQ to the OP of this thread :smile:

Reply 423

*blush*

Hi all, I was so glad to find a thread like this here, as I would like some advice. Me and my ex were together 4 years before he broke up with me, on the basis that he didn't think long distance would work. Our uni's are about 1 hour apart, and a train ride from mine to his is about £20.

I personally, would be quite happy to give it a go, as I know a lot of people have done. I guess i'm wondering if you guys have any reassuring things that I could tell him, in the hopes of him deciding he wants to give it a try?

I'm aware that it might be a lost cause, but it seems like a stupid thing to throw 4 years away for without trying, no?

Reply 424

Fleece

15

Just been perusing this thread.

Can't help but get a little sad reading it - seeing you saying you're living a few hours away - I know that must be hell for you, but heck, I'd kill to live that close! Mine has moved back to Australia, so we're about 10,000 miles away, give or take. And I just forked out over a grand to go see him. Gah.

Don't even know why I'm posting, guess it's just getting to me at the moment.

Reply 425

cazamatazz

7

Oh, honestly. Five weeks before I start uni, and I meet, all sappiness aside, the perfect guy. Karma has a really dark sense of humour. Considering we'll only have been together about a month by the time we both go to uni, is that just too short a time to build a functioning long distance relationship on?

We won't be living that far apart- three hours at a push- but obviously we'll both be quite pushed for money and time. On the other hand, I normally avoid relationships like the plague, so to even be considering this is quite an impressive step for me. And I shared some stuff from my ****ed-up past without leading to him disappearing off the face of the earth. Impressive.

Gah.

Reply 426

Angelil

19

*blush*

Hi all, I was so glad to find a thread like this here, as I would like some advice. Me and my ex were together 4 years before he broke up with me, on the basis that he didn't think long distance would work. Our uni's are about 1 hour apart, and a train ride from mine to his is about £20.

I personally, would be quite happy to give it a go, as I know a lot of people have done. I guess i'm wondering if you guys have any reassuring things that I could tell him, in the hopes of him deciding he wants to give it a try?

I'm aware that it might be a lost cause, but it seems like a stupid thing to throw 4 years away for without trying, no?

Hi blush

I agree that it seems dumb to not even try, especially with the (comparatively) little distance involved. Feel free to tell him about any of us on here - to take me as an example, my boyfriend and I live in France and England respectively, see one another every 4-8 weeks on average, have been together 3.5 years, and we should be moving in together within the next year. It CAN work if you want it to.

Fleece

Just been perusing this thread.

Can't help but get a little sad reading it - seeing you saying you're living a few hours away - I know that must be hell for you, but heck, I'd kill to live that close! Mine has moved back to Australia, so we're about 10,000 miles away, give or take. And I just forked out over a grand to go see him. Gah.

Don't even know why I'm posting, guess it's just getting to me at the moment.

(((((Fleece)))))
You're more than welcome to post whenever you're feeling down. Our chat thread (link in my sig) is a good place for that too :smile:

It must be extra difficult given that not too many people have that kind of distance involved :frown:

cazamatazz

Oh, honestly. Five weeks before I start uni, and I meet, all sappiness aside, the perfect guy. Karma has a really dark sense of humour. Considering we'll only have been together about a month by the time we both go to uni, is that just too short a time to build a functioning long distance relationship on?

We won't be living that far apart- three hours at a push- but obviously we'll both be quite pushed for money and time. On the other hand, I normally avoid relationships like the plague, so to even be considering this is quite an impressive step for me. And I shared some stuff from my ****ed-up past without leading to him disappearing off the face of the earth. Impressive.

Gah.

Hi caz

While certainly unconventional, it's not unheard of to start an LDR this early in a relationship, and nor is it unheard of for these things to work out. My boy and I (in our international LDR!) started out LDR and have not encountered any major problems at all throughout the course of our relationship. Getting on a flight to Paris to embark on a relationship with someone you've never met before...now THAT'S crazy :p:

You're all welcome in the chat thread by the way :smile:

Reply 427

fredscarecrow

18

cazamatazz

Oh, honestly. Five weeks before I start uni, and I meet, all sappiness aside, the perfect guy. Karma has a really dark sense of humour. Considering we'll only have been together about a month by the time we both go to uni, is that just too short a time to build a functioning long distance relationship on?

We won't be living that far apart- three hours at a push- but obviously we'll both be quite pushed for money and time. On the other hand, I normally avoid relationships like the plague, so to even be considering this is quite an impressive step for me. And I shared some stuff from my ****ed-up past without leading to him disappearing off the face of the earth. Impressive.

Gah.

If you think he's worth it, try and keep him! I did the same: met the most amazing guy, but he was leaving for America for the entire summer. But, we both liked each other a lot and had a month of dating, before finally deciding that there was no way we were going to let this fall apart just because of the distance. We had a week and half officially 'bf/gf' before he left. Then, we have about a week and a half when he comes home, before I leave for uni 2 or so hours away.
It doesn't matter. There are several people over on the LDR soc who have alwasy been in LDRs..in that they were right form the start, like angelil. I really don't think time has much impact, apart from perhaps at least if it's a new relationship you'll be very flexible. Ifd you're used to seeing each other everyday for a year or something it's going to take a lot geting used to the change. Doesn't make it les possible either way, but I'd say being short term before going LDR is a little easier in that sense.

Reply 428

SianStrikedown

Hey guys,

Well Im new here. Anyway Im in a LDR, well its quite a big distance actually, its transatlantic, so to speak. Well i have issues with it all of a sudden because im scared he will like cheat on me, because a girl is always sending him messages like: Tackles. etc.

I mean hes starting working to come and get the money to visit me, and he doesnt want to stay for a few weeks, he wants to stay for the max time he can in the UK as in 6 months. which i would find amazing i guess if we can put up with each other that long.

He says all the time to me he doesnt want somebody else and we have 6hr phone calls and 10hr - all day chats online, But me being physically not there makes me wonder when hes with this girls if their trying to get something from him.

We planning on sending gifts to each other.

anyway, ill post more details soon.

And you guys seem a nice bunch. x

Reply 429

Millo

@ Sian.

Ive been in LDR's before. Although never quite the distance you are.
I find them better for both parties for the sheer fact you can over see someone, I prefer having my own space and time and it makes meeting the person all the much better than if he/she lived on the next street.

I figure the cheating thing does play a huge factor, as although i've never been the jelious type.. my LDR ex's have always had problems with it. I guess its all down to if you feel you can trust your partner... If you can then you should just tell yourself your being irrational.. as if they lived next door they could still cheat without you knowing.

And by your post you say he tells you girls text him, what means he is open and honest. If he wanted to sleep with them he could do it without telling you and you wouldnt have a clue.. so take it that way and be happy you got yourself a guy with an American accent (I actually love girls with American accents... its unhealthy)

Hope I helped a lil :smile:

Reply 430

SianStrikedown

Yeah I guess so.
But theres something going on i think, i mean he says that he thinks shes fallen for him. and i have given him the option to leave me and try and start a relationship with her?
Was that a little stupid? or was it a good thing to do considering the distance?

Started talking about a letter she wrote 2 years ago to him, and that it was all emotional (He didnt tell me about that, i heard it from a friend of his)

I mean i gave him the choice to leave me and he didnt so i guess that means something.

I mean hes been cheated on before so he says he will never do it to me, but its i guess trust issues. There isnt anyone in the world i rather have right now.

He plans to visit then he wants me to go back with him, and try to get into a uni near him for 09. we've talked a lot about it

Haha Americans are Lush <3

Reply 431

Millo

Well if you gave him the option, and he wanted to take it... surely he would.

So you got yourself a good catch! IMO if hes worth having there will always be someone who thinks the same.. but luckily for you your guy thinks the same about you and is willing to overcome an ocean for you instead of a taxi fare to some American girl :smile:

Reply 432

SianStrikedown

Yay. =]
Yeah hes working 12 hrs a day every day for the rest of the month to come see me.
which is like WOAH.

Thanks for the help.
I mean i been worrying about it.
I guess he does to.

Reply 433

Millo

wow... 12 hours! You must be hot!

In all seriousness it sounds like you got yourself a catch and a half if hes willing to do that lol!

Reply 434

SianStrikedown

Now i just have to sort it out with my parents i guess how long hes gonna stay, because i havn't asked them yet. A few weeks isn't enough for me i guess.

aha and im not hot. lol