The Student Room Group

relationship advice.. (18 year old and 24)

I don't usually ask people questions like this but I guess I want to to see how different people see the situation...

CONTEXT:I met my boyfriend over a year ago and it was an immediate connection. He was off-ish at first because of the age gap but we couldn't ignore the feelings between us. Fast forward to today, he is possibly the only person that I genuinely feel close to and whom I can trust. He has never shown any red flags and makes me feel so loved and actually wanted (seems stupid but I've never had that before, he the only person I feel safe around and as though I belong) I talk to him about everything even the littlest of things and as its long distance we are on the phone all the time and watch movies together etc.. I also have a really close relationship with his mom and family. But I recently opened up to my friends about my relationship and now they constantly make jokes about the age difference and call him a groomer.. But the thing is he didn't groom me in anyway shape or form. one of my friends said that when they heard about my relationship be became 'concerned for my safety' because of the age gap when I have never had an issue with it... I am currently 17 years old but will be turning 18 in a few months, he has just turned 24 this year... is it wrong? what is everything view on this, is it bad that I fell in love with him? and if not how do I get people to see that everything is consensual and no grooming is involved?
Any advise or input would be appreciated
Original post by Anonymous
I don't usually ask people questions like this but I guess I want to to see how different people see the situation...

CONTEXT:I met my boyfriend over a year ago and it was an immediate connection. He was off-ish at first because of the age gap but we couldn't ignore the feelings between us. Fast forward to today, he is possibly the only person that I genuinely feel close to and whom I can trust. He has never shown any red flags and makes me feel so loved and actually wanted (seems stupid but I've never had that before, he the only person I feel safe around and as though I belong) I talk to him about everything even the littlest of things and as its long distance we are on the phone all the time and watch movies together etc.. I also have a really close relationship with his mom and family. But I recently opened up to my friends about my relationship and now they constantly make jokes about the age difference and call him a groomer.. But the thing is he didn't groom me in anyway shape or form. one of my friends said that when they heard about my relationship be became 'concerned for my safety' because of the age gap when I have never had an issue with it... I am currently 17 years old but will be turning 18 in a few months, he has just turned 24 this year... is it wrong? what is everything view on this, is it bad that I fell in love with him? and if not how do I get people to see that everything is consensual and no grooming is involved?
Any advise or input would be appreciated

Too wide apart 6 years apart 1 year maybe yeah I understand maybe two then obviously you turn 18 but 6 is just a no no and red flag
If celebrities can have 10+ age gaps and no one cares, then go for it.
If you're both happy in a relationship, live your lives how you want to.
Don't give a fk about anyone else's views on your relationship, as they are either: jealous because it's not them, or nervous because it's you and they want to be a good friend.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't usually ask people questions like this but I guess I want to to see how different people see the situation...

CONTEXT:I met my boyfriend over a year ago and it was an immediate connection. He was off-ish at first because of the age gap but we couldn't ignore the feelings between us. Fast forward to today, he is possibly the only person that I genuinely feel close to and whom I can trust. He has never shown any red flags and makes me feel so loved and actually wanted (seems stupid but I've never had that before, he the only person I feel safe around and as though I belong) I talk to him about everything even the littlest of things and as its long distance we are on the phone all the time and watch movies together etc.. I also have a really close relationship with his mom and family. But I recently opened up to my friends about my relationship and now they constantly make jokes about the age difference and call him a groomer.. But the thing is he didn't groom me in anyway shape or form. one of my friends said that when they heard about my relationship be became 'concerned for my safety' because of the age gap when I have never had an issue with it... I am currently 17 years old but will be turning 18 in a few months, he has just turned 24 this year... is it wrong? what is everything view on this, is it bad that I fell in love with him? and if not how do I get people to see that everything is consensual and no grooming is involved?
Any advise or input would be appreciated

F*ck society and what people say. At the end of the day, who’s with the boyfriend. You, or the people/ society? You are both over the age of consent Therefore, if you love each other, no one else’s opinions should matter.

People need to stop giving a sh*t about what society says, and all the brainwashing of this is wrong, that is wrong. We are individual people and should do what is in our hearts and mind, providing it’s legal by UK law standards.

I apologise if I sound harsh, but it annoys me that people have to be bullied into making life choices based on what society thinks. If you don’t live for yourself, but for others, you will never be truly happy.

Have a lovely day to you and your boyfriend.
Sometimes it's not about the age gap so much as the age of the youngest partner in the relationship. In this case, I don't see a problem, especially as your boyfriend clearly thought about it at the start, too, and good for him.

As for these so-called 'friends', ignore the comments or ask them directly why they are saying these things. Point out that there can be issues in relationships with a 1 year age gap. I agree with the above that there might be some jealousy involved, because you have a boyfriend or because he's old enough to be earning and buying you things.

Being in an LDR myself, how are you coping with that aspect of the relationship? I know you didn't raise it as a concern, but I do hope you are able to meet up regularly; it's tough sometimes when it's a lot of messaging and calls. All the best.
Original post by Anonymous #1
I don't usually ask people questions like this but I guess I want to to see how different people see the situation...
CONTEXT:I met my boyfriend over a year ago and it was an immediate connection. He was off-ish at first because of the age gap but we couldn't ignore the feelings between us. Fast forward to today, he is possibly the only person that I genuinely feel close to and whom I can trust. He has never shown any red flags and makes me feel so loved and actually wanted (seems stupid but I've never had that before, he the only person I feel safe around and as though I belong) I talk to him about everything even the littlest of things and as its long distance we are on the phone all the time and watch movies together etc.. I also have a really close relationship with his mom and family. But I recently opened up to my friends about my relationship and now they constantly make jokes about the age difference and call him a groomer.. But the thing is he didn't groom me in anyway shape or form. one of my friends said that when they heard about my relationship be became 'concerned for my safety' because of the age gap when I have never had an issue with it... I am currently 17 years old but will be turning 18 in a few months, he has just turned 24 this year... is it wrong? what is everything view on this, is it bad that I fell in love with him? and if not how do I get people to see that everything is consensual and no grooming is involved?
Any advise or input would be appreciated

Sus af
Original post by Anonymous
I don't usually ask people questions like this but I guess I want to to see how different people see the situation...
CONTEXT:I met my boyfriend over a year ago and it was an immediate connection. He was off-ish at first because of the age gap but we couldn't ignore the feelings between us. Fast forward to today, he is possibly the only person that I genuinely feel close to and whom I can trust. He has never shown any red flags and makes me feel so loved and actually wanted (seems stupid but I've never had that before, he the only person I feel safe around and as though I belong) I talk to him about everything even the littlest of things and as its long distance we are on the phone all the time and watch movies together etc.. I also have a really close relationship with his mom and family. But I recently opened up to my friends about my relationship and now they constantly make jokes about the age difference and call him a groomer.. But the thing is he didn't groom me in anyway shape or form. one of my friends said that when they heard about my relationship be became 'concerned for my safety' because of the age gap when I have never had an issue with it... I am currently 17 years old but will be turning 18 in a few months, he has just turned 24 this year... is it wrong? what is everything view on this, is it bad that I fell in love with him? and if not how do I get people to see that everything is consensual and no grooming is involved?
Any advise or input would be appreciated

I’ve got the same thing here with you and I can totally align omg! My “post relationship” I’m still 17 but turning 18 in a month, he’s 10 years older than I am, we both align etc etx. I feel safe and comfortable with him it doesn’t feel like I’m being groomed at all yk? Just go for it babe, I am still struggling a little with myself at this point but something this **** happens yk?

Hope you don’t feel alone, I’ve searched up so many things of “am I getting groomed” etc etc etc. And the thing is I also lied about my age at first I told him I was 18, so yeah…

If you guys love each other and you know this is good then do it. However, I would keep the relationship private until you turn 18 so people won’t make a fuzz about it
Way back when, I dated a 24 year old man when I was 17/18 (first year uni, he was in second year, living with 19 y/o second years).

Whilst at the time I was bowled over that he wanted to go out with me (he was tall, dark and widely thought to be gorgeous looking) and in some ways he was a gentleman, I look back now some decades later and think... What the hell was I thinking?! It took me ages to untangle myself from that relationship. I look back now and realise how much emotional blackmail was involved. He wasn't a bad person, but he wanted different things from my peers, he was persuasive, he actually wasn't that mature or bright but being older to a younger person he seemed it for the first while. I missed out, I am so glad I escaped to live my life to the full before he tied me down with children and a mortgage before I'd even developed my own persona.

This may not apply to you, but it is a big risk when you haven't had a chance to experience much life beyond school. Don't give up your youth for someone else's convenience. Most smart young men want their intellectual and financial equal in a relationship - beware an older man who goes for someone so young, they may be controlling you so well you don't even recognise it until too late.
I'd also say that keeping an age gap relationship secret is terrible, terrible advice. If you can't be honest about it to those who love and protect you, there is something off, to say the least.
You should've probably kept your relationship private instead of telling friends about it. Though they are your friends, their perspectives maybe all over the place and you'll feel bad because they're making you feel bad about this relationship, even though they aren't you and they don't know how the two of you feel about each other. I think this long-distance relationship is good for now because you aren't 18 yet, and clearly you're very careful about your interactions, so really the problem is how society looks at things rather than what the reality is. There are many taboos out there that people immediately get antsy about, but really if you two just have a friendship that isn't going anywhere it shouldn't, then the truth is there is no problem. It'd only be a problem if you two started to meet while you were underage and/or he was manipulating you or making you feel uncomfortable.

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