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The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

bob2008uk

I've asked this in the main relationship rooms but tends to get ignored/idiots posting. while i have got 1 good reply i would like to know from the experts.

I met a girl on-line a month or so ago, we started out sending PM's back and forth, then onto MSN and now pretty much text each other everyday. we've added each other on facebook and I can see she isn't fake.

The other day she told me she wanted to be with me and I said I wanted to be with her too. She lives about an hour and half drive away I suggested meeting up soon to get to know each other better. She told me she is a bit wary since she's never met someone she found on-line and I admitted I felt the same way, she also has trust issues due to past boyfriends and is worried I won't feel the same when I meet her which has resulted in not setting a date.

Is there any advice anyone can give us about meeting and also how I could make her feel more at ease about this new situation?

Reply 6281

chi'ch

Original post by bob2008uk

I've asked this in the main relationship rooms but tends to get ignored/idiots posting. while i have got 1 good reply i would like to know from the experts.

I met a girl on-line a month or so ago, we started out sending PM's back and forth, then onto MSN and now pretty much text each other everyday. we've added each other on facebook and I can see she isn't fake.

The other day she told me she wanted to be with me and I said I wanted to be with her too. She lives about an hour and half drive away I suggested meeting up soon to get to know each other better. She told me she is a bit wary since she's never met someone she found on-line and I admitted I felt the same way, she also has trust issues due to past boyfriends and is worried I won't feel the same when I meet her which has resulted in not setting a date.

Is there any advice anyone can give us about meeting and also how I could make her feel more at ease about this new situation?

do you guys ever talk on the phone? that can help SO much
you feel better trust in someone when you're talking to them, and you get confidence around them and makes the first meet that little bit less awkward

Reply 6282

bob2008uk

we've never talked on the phone, is that bad? i suppose we have got so comfortable texting each other that it's never really beein brought up

Reply 6283

chi'ch

no no, it's not bad at all... but maybe it's something you should think about before meeting, it would help a lot..

really make you feel at ease

Reply 6284

bob2008uk

it is a good idea, i think it will put us more at ease with each other, guess we are thurther away from meeting than i thought. Just wamt her to trust me that i'm not going to get with her then act like her ex's and ingor her

Reply 6285

chi'ch

i sent you an inbox msg!
i honestly think it would help. i know it prob feels/seems like a big deal, but it really will help! and as for the 'and is worried I won't feel the same when I meet her which has resulted in not setting a date' she probably just needs a bit of reassurance too.. that's what all females are like sometimes lol

Reply 6286

Mally-xo

14

Original post by bob2008uk

I've asked this in the main relationship rooms but tends to get ignored/idiots posting. while i have got 1 good reply i would like to know from the experts.

I met a girl on-line a month or so ago, we started out sending PM's back and forth, then onto MSN and now pretty much text each other everyday. we've added each other on facebook and I can see she isn't fake.

The other day she told me she wanted to be with me and I said I wanted to be with her too. She lives about an hour and half drive away I suggested meeting up soon to get to know each other better. She told me she is a bit wary since she's never met someone she found on-line and I admitted I felt the same way, she also has trust issues due to past boyfriends and is worried I won't feel the same when I meet her which has resulted in not setting a date.

Is there any advice anyone can give us about meeting and also how I could make her feel more at ease about this new situation?

I met my current boyfriend on here (entirely accidently, we were just revising biology/chemistry for our exams together) :awesome:

we firstly started texting, then added one another on facebook (coincidentally having some mutual friends haha), then we would spend weeks chatting night after night on msn with the microphones and webcams until the early hours of the morning (I practically turned nocturnal hehe)... this continued for like a month until we finally met up in London, had an ace time and we have been seeing eachother as much as possible since. he has stayed over mine a few nights/met my family and friends etc and vice versa.
my one bit of advice to you is to make sure you speak on the phone and if possible get a webcam/mic so you guys can actually have a proper conversation :tongue:

if you want anymore advice or someone to talk to just message me!

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 6287

IsabelleMarie

5

Original post by juicyfruit

Surely your parents won't know you've gone to see him whilst you're at uni? In any case it would be easier and uni will give you the confidence to be whoever you want to be and do whatever you want to do :smile:

Yeah thats what i'm thinking! And tbf i kinda already do what i want, just in secret :smile:

Reply 6288

tripsis

7

Original post by bob2008uk

I've asked this in the main relationship rooms but tends to get ignored/idiots posting. while i have got 1 good reply i would like to know from the experts.

I met a girl on-line a month or so ago, we started out sending PM's back and forth, then onto MSN and now pretty much text each other everyday. we've added each other on facebook and I can see she isn't fake.

The other day she told me she wanted to be with me and I said I wanted to be with her too. She lives about an hour and half drive away I suggested meeting up soon to get to know each other better. She told me she is a bit wary since she's never met someone she found on-line and I admitted I felt the same way, she also has trust issues due to past boyfriends and is worried I won't feel the same when I meet her which has resulted in not setting a date.

Is there any advice anyone can give us about meeting and also how I could make her feel more at ease about this new situation?

I have met two guys from online in real life and one of them is my current boyfriend :smile:

To make her (and you) more comfortable, there are two key things:

1. DEFINITELY chat over webcam (video and voice). That way you can see each other move an interact in real life and get a sense of each others' behavior, mannerisms, speech, etc. It's practically like being together in real life and will make the transition so much easier for both of you.

2. When you do meet, it's really, really important that you be yourself. The first guy I met was really different in real life compared to how he acted online. Online he was smart, funny witty, and talkative. In real life he was just so shy, quiet, withdrawn, and not funny at all. I'm sure he was just nervous but it was a huge turn off and it honestly made things really awkward. I know it will be hard since it is pretty awkward meeting someone you met online, but you have to try your best to act normal, be yourself, and try to avoid awkwardness as much as you can! It will make both of you feel so much better.

Finally, I will say that it's perfectly fine to wait a few more weeks before meeting. Use the extra time to talk on webcam a lot. I actually waited years before meeting either of the two guys in real life. It gave me plenty of time to get comfortable with the idea and know exactly who I was meeting.

Good luck! :smile:

Reply 6289

Anonymous #328

Hi all, I hope this thread is still active a lot.

So I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with someone who I'm sooooo into. There is also complete trust on both sides (there have been a lot of situations that have shown me that she can be completely trusted). HOWEVER, this probably says more about me than it does about my gf, but does anyone else ever get that paranoia? About the fact that I'm not there, she might forget about me, she might meet someone new and close by. I trust that she wouldn't cheat on me, but I'm more scared than anything that she might find a connection with someone else. Does anyone else ever get that? I do trust her, I really do, but I just have that evil little voice in the back of my head burrowing doubt into my brain. It makes me feel horrible because I interpret things according to that belief and I get all angsty about it :/

Also, how do you cope with the periods in between seeing each other? I'm starting to get the paranoia all the time rather than warm fuzzy feelings :frown:

I'm about to go gap year travelling as well for about 2 months (planned before I started dating her). I don't know how I'm going to cope!!! :frown:

Can someone please allay my fears please? I'm sure someone will have calming words for me... :/

Reply 6290

Rich_183

15

Miss my girlfriend so much, she's off on holiday half way accross the world for a month.... Didn't think it would hit me this soon, daymn it bad mood tonight!!! :frown:

Reply 6291

Zebracolors

Original post by Anonymous

Hi all, I hope this thread is still active a lot.

So I'm currently in a long-distance relationship with someone who I'm sooooo into. There is also complete trust on both sides (there have been a lot of situations that have shown me that she can be completely trusted). HOWEVER, this probably says more about me than it does about my gf, but does anyone else ever get that paranoia? About the fact that I'm not there, she might forget about me, she might meet someone new and close by. I trust that she wouldn't cheat on me, but I'm more scared than anything that she might find a connection with someone else. Does anyone else ever get that? I do trust her, I really do, but I just have that evil little voice in the back of my head burrowing doubt into my brain. It makes me feel horrible because I interpret things according to that belief and I get all angsty about it :/

Also, how do you cope with the periods in between seeing each other? I'm starting to get the paranoia all the time rather than warm fuzzy feelings :frown:

I'm about to go gap year travelling as well for about 2 months (planned before I started dating her). I don't know how I'm going to cope!!! :frown:

Can someone please allay my fears please? I'm sure someone will have calming words for me... :/

I don't post to this topic usually, even though I am, and have been, in an LDR for about a year and 2 months now. And I am a complete stranger to you but for what its worth, you're not the only one who has those kinds of thoughts and Im hoping this helps some. I can sympathize with you.

I am in the US(American) and he is Turkish and lives there. And probably like many here, I also have some days where I am incredibly depressed it feels like, for missing him. Especially lately since we can't chat online as much as we used to, due to changes in his life. So there's sometimes a few days or so between. And in those periods, I try not to let myself get to paranoid because that is only adding stress and anxiety to my life. Of course as you know, easier said than done. And having known him for long as ı have now, I feel like ı can trust him when he says "love always". Little things like words you remember they say might help you to be reassured.

I don't know the full extent of your situation but really the only way you're going to get reassurance while you are traveling is if you can stay in regular contact with her. Or at least some contact (even if only letters sent by post) so hopefully you can ignore that little nagging voice of paranoia. She may be worried also, during the tımes that you can't communicate, so she may also appreciate the reassurance that you are always thinking of her.

When you don't have the luxury of always being around someone you love with all your life, then even the little things done to show you love, can mean a huge deal. Best of success to you and her in life. :smile:

Reply 6292

chi'ch

Original post by Zebracolors

I don't post to this topic usually, even though I am, and have been, in an LDR for about a year and 2 months now. And I am a complete stranger to you but for what its worth, you're not the only one who has those kinds of thoughts and Im hoping this helps some. I can sympathize with you.

I am in the US(American) and he is Turkish and lives there. And probably like many here, I also have some days where I am incredibly depressed it feels like, for missing him. Especially lately since we can't chat online as much as we used to, due to changes in his life. So there's sometimes a few days or so between. And in those periods, I try not to let myself get to paranoid because that is only adding stress and anxiety to my life. Of course as you know, easier said than done. And having known him for long as ı have now, I feel like ı can trust him when he says "love always". Little things like words you remember they say might help you to be reassured.

I don't know the full extent of your situation but really the only way you're going to get reassurance while you are traveling is if you can stay in regular contact with her. Or at least some contact (even if only letters sent by post) so hopefully you can ignore that little nagging voice of paranoia. She may be worried also, during the tımes that you can't communicate, so she may also appreciate the reassurance that you are always thinking of her.

When you don't have the luxury of always being around someone you love with all your life, then even the little things done to show you love, can mean a huge deal. Best of success to you and her in life. :smile:

props to you for being apart for so long..

it's been 3 weeks for me, and thats a killer.. counting down the days for this weekend mind!
before this we've seen each other a couple of times over the summer, but before that monthss.. that seemed a lifetime, so can't imagine what over a year would be like, so well done :P

Reply 6293

Anonymous #328

Original post by Zebracolors

I don't post to this topic usually, even though I am, and have been, in an LDR for about a year and 2 months now. And I am a complete stranger to you but for what its worth, you're not the only one who has those kinds of thoughts and Im hoping this helps some. I can sympathize with you.

I am in the US(American) and he is Turkish and lives there. And probably like many here, I also have some days where I am incredibly depressed it feels like, for missing him. Especially lately since we can't chat online as much as we used to, due to changes in his life. So there's sometimes a few days or so between. And in those periods, I try not to let myself get to paranoid because that is only adding stress and anxiety to my life. Of course as you know, easier said than done. And having known him for long as ı have now, I feel like ı can trust him when he says "love always". Little things like words you remember they say might help you to be reassured.

I don't know the full extent of your situation but really the only way you're going to get reassurance while you are traveling is if you can stay in regular contact with her. Or at least some contact (even if only letters sent by post) so hopefully you can ignore that little nagging voice of paranoia. She may be worried also, during the tımes that you can't communicate, so she may also appreciate the reassurance that you are always thinking of her.

When you don't have the luxury of always being around someone you love with all your life, then even the little things done to show you love, can mean a huge deal. Best of success to you and her in life. :smile:

Thank you for hearing me, and your words. *kind stranger*

Reply 6294

Anonymous #344

This time next month my bf and I would have been together after a year of international LDR IF he had not dumped me on my birthday.(on my birthday to make it worse =/)
He hasn't told me why he dumped me and he's being unfairly rude.. he even told me he doesn't love me anymore and he asked me to **** off.
I have NO idea why he dumped me. I have no idea why he's being so rude. Two weeks ago, he told me he was happy beyond belief that we were finally going to be living in the same city after a horrible year of international long-distance.
Please, can someone help me understand why all this has happened? he refuses to talk to me. I'm so confused and hurt.
I would really like some views.. thanks guys :smile:

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 6295

chi'ch

Original post by Anonymous

This time next month my bf and I would have been together after a year of international LDR IF he had not dumped me on my birthday.(on my birthday to make it worse =/)
He hasn't told me why he dumped me and he's being unfairly rude.. he even told me he doesn't love me anymore and he asked me to **** off.
I have NO idea why he dumped me. I have no idea why he's being so rude. Two weeks ago, he told me he was happy beyond belief that we were finally going to be living in the same city after a horrible year of international long-distance.
Please, can someone help me understand why all this has happened? he refuses to talk to me. I'm so confused and hurt.
I would really like some views.. thanks guys :smile:

hard to tell whats going on in someone elses head.. just give him time, and maybe soon he'll start talking to you.
i understand its probably very frustrating, but you just got to give these things time..

Reply 6296

C_B_C

15

Original post by Anonymous

This time next month my bf and I would have been together after a year of international LDR IF he had not dumped me on my birthday.(on my birthday to make it worse =/)
He hasn't told me why he dumped me and he's being unfairly rude.. he even told me he doesn't love me anymore and he asked me to **** off.
I have NO idea why he dumped me. I have no idea why he's being so rude. Two weeks ago, he told me he was happy beyond belief that we were finally going to be living in the same city after a horrible year of international long-distance.
Please, can someone help me understand why all this has happened? he refuses to talk to me. I'm so confused and hurt.
I would really like some views.. thanks guys :smile:

**** mate, that sucks :frown:

My guess is that he's found someone else. I'm sorry if this opinion hurts, but it's my honest opinion.
But I'd have no idea what he was like, and what he's thinking...

Move on, find someone else. I'm sure you'll start to have a brilliant time before you know it. :smile:

Reply 6297

tripsis

7

Original post by Anonymous

This time next month my bf and I would have been together after a year of international LDR IF he had not dumped me on my birthday.(on my birthday to make it worse =/)
He hasn't told me why he dumped me and he's being unfairly rude.. he even told me he doesn't love me anymore and he asked me to **** off.
I have NO idea why he dumped me. I have no idea why he's being so rude. Two weeks ago, he told me he was happy beyond belief that we were finally going to be living in the same city after a horrible year of international long-distance.
Please, can someone help me understand why all this has happened? he refuses to talk to me. I'm so confused and hurt.
I would really like some views.. thanks guys :smile:

I'm really sorry this happened to you, but honestly we have no way of knowing :frown:

We can't even really make educated guesses without knowing the full story about your entire relationship. Your guess is probably better than ours. That being said, I'm kind of inclined to agree with C_B_C :frown:

It's hard to imagine what other reason he would have for suddenly breaking up with you in such a hostile/rude way.

*hugs* :frown:

Reply 6298

Réglisse

3

Original post by ClaudMc

Well, at the beginning of summer I suggested to my boyfriend that we try the LDR thing when we go to uni (seeing as London -> Kent isn't even that far away) and we both agreed to try.
But yesterday he ended it saying he wasn't as committed to the relationship as I was to make it work, and that there was no point in delaying the inevitable, but he still loves me. I'm so confused :s and I feel like I've wasted my summer by staying with him and making plans about uni with him :/

Unless you're both really damn committed there's not much point to an LDR anyway. So if he's not sure, like he says he is- it's probably best to break it off. I understand you're feeling a lot of pain right now- but trust me, it's for the best if he won't commit. At least he is being honest about his feelings, you have to give him that. I've had a friend's boyfriend who claimed to be all adoring and committed but did the dirty on her with another girl whilst she was away. So if it feels terrible now, know that in the long run you will feel better. Think of it this way: he is trying to give you a fresh start as well as not string you along. :smile:

Reply 6299

22KT22

15

I have to agree with the poster above, LDRs are hard and both people involved need to commited 100% and determined to make it work. If one of them isn't as committed it just makes it a lot harder to do it, its more likely to fail and the one who is putting all the effort in will just end getting hurt. As hard as it is you haven't wasted the summer as I'm sure you've had a lovely time together. Sometimes relationships aren't meant to last but still end up teaching you a lot so look at the positives of the relationship. Break it off now and look forward to uni.

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