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Original post by Rock Fan
Got a horrible feeling he's met someone else if he just suddenly broke up with you, but bad he dumps you then expects you to still be his friend
I don't think he has..
He's been noticeably sad for a while, I've been worried about him a lot. I brought up that he hadn't seemed himself and asked if I wasn't making him happy, which led to him telling me he thinks he's depressed and has been too scared to get help or talk to anyone, and our break up. He cried so hard when he broke up with me, he kept telling me how much he loved me and hated to hurt me but he needs to get better, and it's just too much.
Original post by Anonymous
I don't think he has.. He's been noticeably sad for a while, I've been worried about him a lot. I brought up that he hadn't seemed himself and asked if I wasn't making him happy, which led to him telling me he thinks he's depressed and has been too scared to get help or talk to anyone, and our break up. He cried so hard when he broke up with me, he kept telling me how much he loved me and hated to hurt me but he needs to get better, and it's just too much.
He's been noticeably sad for a while, I've been worried about him a lot. I brought up that he hadn't seemed himself and asked if I wasn't making him happy, which led to him telling me he thinks he's depressed and has been too scared to get help or talk to anyone, and our break up. He cried so hard when he broke up with me, he kept telling me how much he loved me and hated to hurt me but he needs to get better, and it's just too much.ah yeah then if he's like that then yeah sounds like he isn't well at all
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend wants to go abroad for his 3rd year at uni- i'm really worried that it'll be the end of us. It's only for a year but a year is a long time. Whenever i want to talk about it he just puts it off and says its not happening for a while so don't think about it but i can't :/
Really you shouldn't be looking at it like that, you should be supportive! I'm going on a year abroad in my third year of my degree, and granted that is still years away, but me and my boyfriend are in a very serious relationship and he totally supports my endeavors. A year abroad is a fantastic experience, can give you a career boost and also aid self-development. My boyfriend understands this and we're both committed to making things work despite the distance.
Original post by Dark_angel_hime
That's really irritating, I'd hate that. I do get to talk to my OH mostly every day, but it's quite useless when he doesn't tell me things and then I get worried and feel quite lost. I don't know what to say, I'm trying to understand that he's busy, he'll want to go out and do things, but at the same time I would like the conversation not to die so soon. I totally get it, I feel quite easily hurt at the moment. You put yourself in a vulnerable place when you enter a relationship like this and it takes time to adjust to the change in personality. However the reluctance to tell me things has always been there, it's just emphasised when I can't talk to him very much and it's all I want.
rant over. in short, I think you need to ask him to perhaps be a little more regular? maybe put it as a routine thing that occurs, you skype or have a phone call?
rant over. in short, I think you need to ask him to perhaps be a little more regular? maybe put it as a routine thing that occurs, you skype or have a phone call?
HIM? :P haha
in fairness it was a few days when i knew she wass going to be busy, i thought i'd get a little bit of contact but it turns out she was legitimately unable to. It's not the fact that i couldn't talk to her more that i didn't know when i was going to be able too.
i think routine is a good idea though. she went away for a month a few months ago and for the first couple of days it was horrible cos contact was so low but then when i learnt that she could only get in touch to leave a message on fb for a couple of hours in the morning i was fine.
Also it didn't help i was feeling very run down those few days so perhaps just felt a bit down naturally
Hello people,
this is my first post on this site.. so please dont judge me for any mistakes.
I know my boyfriend for over a year, first I hated him, than i fell in love with him and had an affair with him and was his best friend, while he had a gf, after I got hurt by another boy. After he and his gf broke up I dated him for a week and then he had someone else for month (our affair was going on though and i was still his best friend, helping him where I could). After they broke up, he came back to me and begged me to take him back, at some point i couldnt say no anymore and took him back. Since then we are happy and he says he wants to marry me and I am the best that ever happened to him, etc.
Now to my problem:
I will go to uni in scotland next year. And I know he has a big problem with it, as it would mean that he will not see me for a while (he is a class under me), he even cries every time I bring it up, and says that we have to talk as often as possible and that after one year is over he will come live with me. The thing is just I dont know how much I can trust him with everything when I am gone. He left me ones for someone else and he had an affair with me when he was with the other girls, so I dont know if he wouldn't have an affair again. (And I know the whole affair thing is something that is my fault as well, but didnt know what I was doing as it was during a time of great sadness for me and then I couldnt stop it anymore.)
What do you guys think? Will he be loyal to me? Or do you think he will look for someone else the second I am gone?
(please dont even start about how bad my behaviour was, when I started an affair with him, I know that myself and I hated myself even more for it. Thank you)
this is my first post on this site.. so please dont judge me for any mistakes.
I know my boyfriend for over a year, first I hated him, than i fell in love with him and had an affair with him and was his best friend, while he had a gf, after I got hurt by another boy. After he and his gf broke up I dated him for a week and then he had someone else for month (our affair was going on though and i was still his best friend, helping him where I could). After they broke up, he came back to me and begged me to take him back, at some point i couldnt say no anymore and took him back. Since then we are happy and he says he wants to marry me and I am the best that ever happened to him, etc.
Now to my problem:
I will go to uni in scotland next year. And I know he has a big problem with it, as it would mean that he will not see me for a while (he is a class under me), he even cries every time I bring it up, and says that we have to talk as often as possible and that after one year is over he will come live with me. The thing is just I dont know how much I can trust him with everything when I am gone. He left me ones for someone else and he had an affair with me when he was with the other girls, so I dont know if he wouldn't have an affair again. (And I know the whole affair thing is something that is my fault as well, but didnt know what I was doing as it was during a time of great sadness for me and then I couldnt stop it anymore.)
What do you guys think? Will he be loyal to me? Or do you think he will look for someone else the second I am gone?
(please dont even start about how bad my behaviour was, when I started an affair with him, I know that myself and I hated myself even more for it. Thank you)
Original post by Anonymous
Hey everyone. I've been reading this thread for the last few weeks, ever since my 2 year relationship turned into an LDR. There's some really helpful advice on here, thank you 
But I'm finding this new LDR situation a lot harder than I was expecting. I hope you don't mind a long post, but I kind of just want to articulate what I'm feeling right now.
We've been seeing each other for 2 years now, and for the past year/year and a bit, we've been pretty much living together, and also spent a couple of months travelling together. Now we've both started university, with me studying abroad, we've gone from spending pretty much all our time together to, well, an LDR. And I'm just really worried about our relationship now - we're only 3 weeks in, but I already feel like it's becoming strained. I went back to the UK and spent the weekend with her, but it wasn't all I'd been looking forward to for the past 3 weeks. We had a couple of arguments, which we don't normally have, one quite a serious one. It was all fine in the end, and we had a really lovely time, but it's left me feeling so worried that we might not make it through.
I love this girl, so much, and I've always known she felt the same way about me. Now I'm not so sure. We always talked about spending the rest of lives together, now we talk about taking one step at a time. I'm finding it really difficult to adjust to this LDR, and I've missed her so much it's been painful, but I feel like I've found the transition incredibly hard, but that she hasn't. Or at least, I feel like I'm missing her more than she's been missing me.
I think one of the issues is that she's settled into uni more than I have. She's already found a close group of friends, whilst I'm feeling lost. I've made friends here, and I get on really well with my flat mates at halls, but I don't really feel like I belong anywhere. Seeing her this weekend, settling in really well, coping well with work, already having really close friends, made me feel really upset about my own uni life and feeling like I didn't want to go back. But this is completely awful, because then I worry that I'm making her feel bad for settling in more than I have, which would be completely wrong of me. There's other things too though. I feel like communication was going to be important part of this new LDR, and that, whilst it was important for us to lead new independent lives, it was important for us to make time to talk to each other regularly. That hasn't really happened. She says this is because she doesn't really like her halls house too much, so she's been spending a lot of time with her group of friends at other halls which has meant she couldn't use skype. I don't want to make skyping me a chore, but at the same time I want to talk to her every day!
I feel like being in an LDR is an incredibly hard balancing act. I also feel now that perhaps I can't talk to her about how I'm feeling and what I'm worrying about, as they might push her away from me, whereas before it would always be her I'd talk to.
I guess I'm just upset that it's been even harder than I'd ever imagined, and upset that only 3 weeks in and it's strained things so much. We're already talking about our future in a different way to how we were. I guess I just want to know it might get better. Again, really sorry about the length of the post, but I had to get this off my chest.
But I'm finding this new LDR situation a lot harder than I was expecting. I hope you don't mind a long post, but I kind of just want to articulate what I'm feeling right now.We've been seeing each other for 2 years now, and for the past year/year and a bit, we've been pretty much living together, and also spent a couple of months travelling together. Now we've both started university, with me studying abroad, we've gone from spending pretty much all our time together to, well, an LDR. And I'm just really worried about our relationship now - we're only 3 weeks in, but I already feel like it's becoming strained. I went back to the UK and spent the weekend with her, but it wasn't all I'd been looking forward to for the past 3 weeks. We had a couple of arguments, which we don't normally have, one quite a serious one. It was all fine in the end, and we had a really lovely time, but it's left me feeling so worried that we might not make it through.
I love this girl, so much, and I've always known she felt the same way about me. Now I'm not so sure. We always talked about spending the rest of lives together, now we talk about taking one step at a time. I'm finding it really difficult to adjust to this LDR, and I've missed her so much it's been painful, but I feel like I've found the transition incredibly hard, but that she hasn't. Or at least, I feel like I'm missing her more than she's been missing me.
I think one of the issues is that she's settled into uni more than I have. She's already found a close group of friends, whilst I'm feeling lost. I've made friends here, and I get on really well with my flat mates at halls, but I don't really feel like I belong anywhere. Seeing her this weekend, settling in really well, coping well with work, already having really close friends, made me feel really upset about my own uni life and feeling like I didn't want to go back. But this is completely awful, because then I worry that I'm making her feel bad for settling in more than I have, which would be completely wrong of me. There's other things too though. I feel like communication was going to be important part of this new LDR, and that, whilst it was important for us to lead new independent lives, it was important for us to make time to talk to each other regularly. That hasn't really happened. She says this is because she doesn't really like her halls house too much, so she's been spending a lot of time with her group of friends at other halls which has meant she couldn't use skype. I don't want to make skyping me a chore, but at the same time I want to talk to her every day!
I feel like being in an LDR is an incredibly hard balancing act. I also feel now that perhaps I can't talk to her about how I'm feeling and what I'm worrying about, as they might push her away from me, whereas before it would always be her I'd talk to.
I guess I'm just upset that it's been even harder than I'd ever imagined, and upset that only 3 weeks in and it's strained things so much. We're already talking about our future in a different way to how we were. I guess I just want to know it might get better. Again, really sorry about the length of the post, but I had to get this off my chest.
Really want to reply to this as I really empathise with how you feel. Will give you a background of my situation: been together with my girlfriend for a year, spent virtually every day with her over summer. It was so perfect and we talked about the future and all our dreams and hopes to come. Fast forward to now, three weeks into term for us both and although we find time to talk every day, it just really isn't the same. We can rarely Skype and we are always both so exhausted from being busy in different ways. Things are naturally getting strained, maybe not to a massive extent but I can feel it. I guess that is the nature of the beast, LDRs are bound to make things more strained simply as you can't see them to make it all better.
What you said about it being a balancing act is so true, simply as there are does when it feels so horrible and as if they couldn't be further away and some where you feel all will be ok. It really messes with your emotions. I can merely say now that weeks in still isn't enough time to adjust to it. It's a new chapter in life where you're both in different places, adjusting to new life (as you claim she is doing better) but even so things will quieten down and seem more normal eventually. It is ****ing tough, but I really think that it is just a case of adjusting from seeing each other every day to rarely. It's a different kind of love - devotion.
I am certain she is missing you as much as you are but may not be as vocal about it. Really you shouldn't read into that too much. Equally tell her that you feel more communication is needed if you feel it an issue. Important to be open about everything! Wish you the best of luck mate, I know how you are feeling. Hang in there and it'll get better.
I am a 20 year old male student. At this moment in time I find myself in two minds, whether stay in a long distance relationship of 5000 miles with the girl I love, or whether to break it off for the greater good. Though the distance is bearable, it has started to create an unhealthy relationship she is three years younger than me and I feel this shows in her characteristics such as not thinking before she speaks, general wanting me around the whole time. (I understand the distance makes this tougher for her.) I obviously don’t like the fact she will often talk to me with no respect, though I do not think she realises she is doing it. She also seems to forget I lead a busier lifestyle then she does, and she doesn't understand that I cannot Skype three hours a day, especially with the time barrier in place, which makes her frustrated with me which then annoys me. She constantly wants me to show affection telling her how beautiful she is, though I do, I don’t think it’s in my character to tell her so in every sentence. If she doesn't get it her own way, like talking to her on Skype, she will try to make me feel like I’m being negligent, though when she cannot Skype I am more than understanding. I generally do love her and the 3 months we spent together in the USA were 3 of the best months I have had. I will not see her again till March which is hard, but still a thought which I like to think about, and then again for 3 months of the summer. I do not want to lose the girl I love and I know she loves me a lot, but I am starting to wonder whether the distance is too much of a big factor between us. In the future she will be going to college for four years, thus I find it hard to see me having a future with her, even though she speaks of wanting to marry me already, I am trying to go with the flow but I do not want all my efforts to go to waste.
I've just started an LDR (not really that long-distance to be honest, only about 90 miles) and it's going great. No arguments, no pining, some nice letters and talking pretty much every day. There's just one thing and it makes me feel like a complete b****. I've always been used to my boyfriend being very introverted and socially awkward. It's never bothered me because he's a completely different person when it's just us.
Now we're both at uni and I'm really struggling to make friends as I'm at a much larger uni than he is. I feel awful about it, and hate myself for feeling this way but I don't like it when he hangs out with his friends. It doesn't bother me that they're both girls, I just feel...left out because he has people to have fun with and I don't. I cry sometimes because I'm really lonely, but I can't tell him because I know how upset he gets when I'm sad.
I really don't know what to do, it upsets me even more when I realise how horrible I'm being.
Now we're both at uni and I'm really struggling to make friends as I'm at a much larger uni than he is. I feel awful about it, and hate myself for feeling this way but I don't like it when he hangs out with his friends. It doesn't bother me that they're both girls, I just feel...left out because he has people to have fun with and I don't. I cry sometimes because I'm really lonely, but I can't tell him because I know how upset he gets when I'm sad.
I really don't know what to do, it upsets me even more when I realise how horrible I'm being.
I miss him so much one more week and 2 days!
This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
one more week and 2 days!This was posted from The Student Room's iPhone/iPad App
Starting to wonder whether I should be going home for my reading week. Help guys!
I haven't yet booked tickets. If I do go, I can feasibly go from the 2nd of November til the 13th, which is a good 10 days.
However. I hate my uni town and pretty much everything in it. When I leave I don't want to come back... so it's murder trying to get me on the train back. Yesterday I came back after spending the weekend at home and I cried for two hours straight before going to the train station, and all the way in the car over
It's torturous. As I get more stressed about work and my dissertation, I know the desire to just stay at home with my BF is going to be stronger...
Maybe I'm just stressing because it seems like third year already is so hard and has so much to do. I dunno what to do
I haven't yet booked tickets. If I do go, I can feasibly go from the 2nd of November til the 13th, which is a good 10 days.
However. I hate my uni town and pretty much everything in it. When I leave I don't want to come back... so it's murder trying to get me on the train back. Yesterday I came back after spending the weekend at home and I cried for two hours straight before going to the train station, and all the way in the car over
It's torturous. As I get more stressed about work and my dissertation, I know the desire to just stay at home with my BF is going to be stronger...Maybe I'm just stressing because it seems like third year already is so hard and has so much to do. I dunno what to do
Original post by Anonymous
HIM? :P haha
I'm sorry, I think I was thinking about what I needed and then was like damn him and the uncertain calls! and just put 'him'.... should have put 'her'. Apologies I get swept away in the dramatics of things clearly
So nice to see this thread! 
Basically my boyfriend of 3 years is a year above me and went off into the world of university this year... He's at Bath which is about 4 hours from where I live. All my university applications are at the very least 3 hours away from him... It's so hard. So many people that I've spoken to just presume that we have to break up. But to be honest, breaking up would be even more difficult than staying together.
This sounds kind of creepy, but it is like losing a limb. I can't even take care of myself properly... I just wondered what you all do to make it a little easier? I have a Skype account and we send letters, trying to visit each other as often as possible... But some of you seem like you're professionals at this, and I wanted to know whether you had any tips? (Sorry if this is a really stupid question - of course it's going to be hard... I'm just desperate ).
Basically my boyfriend of 3 years is a year above me and went off into the world of university this year... He's at Bath which is about 4 hours from where I live. All my university applications are at the very least 3 hours away from him... It's so hard. So many people that I've spoken to just presume that we have to break up. But to be honest, breaking up would be even more difficult than staying together.
This sounds kind of creepy, but it is like losing a limb. I can't even take care of myself properly... I just wondered what you all do to make it a little easier? I have a Skype account and we send letters, trying to visit each other as often as possible... But some of you seem like you're professionals at this, and I wanted to know whether you had any tips? (Sorry if this is a really stupid question - of course it's going to be hard... I'm just desperate
).Original post by Sufi-Kitty
So nice to see this thread!
Basically my boyfriend of 3 years is a year above me and went off into the world of university this year... He's at Bath which is about 4 hours from where I live. All my university applications are at the very least 3 hours away from him... It's so hard. So many people that I've spoken to just presume that we have to break up. But to be honest, breaking up would be even more difficult than staying together.
This sounds kind of creepy, but it is like losing a limb. I can't even take care of myself properly... I just wondered what you all do to make it a little easier? I have a Skype account and we send letters, trying to visit each other as often as possible... But some of you seem like you're professionals at this, and I wanted to know whether you had any tips? (Sorry if this is a really stupid question - of course it's going to be hard... I'm just desperate ).
Basically my boyfriend of 3 years is a year above me and went off into the world of university this year... He's at Bath which is about 4 hours from where I live. All my university applications are at the very least 3 hours away from him... It's so hard. So many people that I've spoken to just presume that we have to break up. But to be honest, breaking up would be even more difficult than staying together.
This sounds kind of creepy, but it is like losing a limb. I can't even take care of myself properly... I just wondered what you all do to make it a little easier? I have a Skype account and we send letters, trying to visit each other as often as possible... But some of you seem like you're professionals at this, and I wanted to know whether you had any tips? (Sorry if this is a really stupid question - of course it's going to be hard... I'm just desperate
).All I can say is no-one is a professional, we are all trying to adjust. It definitely isnt easy for anyone, I suppose some are just more used to LDRs. There are days when it feels alright, days when it feels so painful. Just have to take each day as it comes and realise in time all will be better. Haven't seen my OH in 4 weeks which is horrendous but knowing it isn't long till I see her has always kept me excited.
Original post by Sufi-Kitty
So nice to see this thread!
Basically my boyfriend of 3 years is a year above me and went off into the world of university this year... He's at Bath which is about 4 hours from where I live. All my university applications are at the very least 3 hours away from him... It's so hard. So many people that I've spoken to just presume that we have to break up. But to be honest, breaking up would be even more difficult than staying together.
This sounds kind of creepy, but it is like losing a limb. I can't even take care of myself properly... I just wondered what you all do to make it a little easier? I have a Skype account and we send letters, trying to visit each other as often as possible... But some of you seem like you're professionals at this, and I wanted to know whether you had any tips? (Sorry if this is a really stupid question - of course it's going to be hard... I'm just desperate ).
Basically my boyfriend of 3 years is a year above me and went off into the world of university this year... He's at Bath which is about 4 hours from where I live. All my university applications are at the very least 3 hours away from him... It's so hard. So many people that I've spoken to just presume that we have to break up. But to be honest, breaking up would be even more difficult than staying together.
This sounds kind of creepy, but it is like losing a limb. I can't even take care of myself properly... I just wondered what you all do to make it a little easier? I have a Skype account and we send letters, trying to visit each other as often as possible... But some of you seem like you're professionals at this, and I wanted to know whether you had any tips? (Sorry if this is a really stupid question - of course it's going to be hard... I'm just desperate
).Yeah I never get why people presume you have to break up. No matter how upset you get over not seeing each other, you'd be more upset to break up.
I can't give any specific tips, just to agree with the other person. Try not to concentrate on how long it's been since you've seen them, but how long until you get to see them and you get really excited
And its so much more special when you do get to see them
Good luck!
Original post by Anonymous
My boyfriend wants to go abroad for his 3rd year at uni- i'm really worried that it'll be the end of us. It's only for a year but a year is a long time. Whenever i want to talk about it he just puts it off and says its not happening for a while so don't think about it but i can't :/
was in the same situation this time last year and honestly the best advice i can give is not to think about it for a long time. Closer to the time come up with a vague plan on keeping in touch and visiting and then try and put it to the back of your mind till it actually happens.
With me i tried to prepare myself mentally whilst at the same time not let it affect me or get me down (if that makes sense). We acted like normal right up until the last day and then it was tears and now it's fine and it's only been three weeks.
The thought of it happening is a lot worse than actually experiencing it.
My other half is coming to stay with me at uni this weekend, and then on Monday he's going to find out more about possibly coming to study here next year as a mature student! so excited
so excited 
I've just split up with my LDR ex-boyfriend recently. It was a mutual decision but it kills whenever i think about it. We couldn't make it work as i start uni soon and he lives to far away ( USA ). Life sucks
Sudden spontaneous change of plans - seeing him tomorrow as he's ill and wants some comfort! So excited! Spontaneous plans are the best
Hi was wondering if anyone could give me a hand...
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years now and I recently moved to Italy on a year abroad. Through bad timing he went on a trip round Europe before I left, and I could only get flights 2 days after he got back, so basically we haven't seen each other for a month and a half now. I'm finding it extremely difficult not seeing him every day - we lived a 15 minute bus journey away and now it's a 3 hour plane. He's coming on Sunday for a visit (yay) for a week, but the main problem I've been having is sitting in at night time talking to him on Facebook when I should be going out enjoying myself. If I do go out I feel pretty guilty because he's sweet and is very likely to have stayed in to see if I'm online too. Anyone have any advice for being less dependent? I'm fine during the day because I'm busy, but it's at night time when I've got nobody to talk to (massive language barrier with my room mates
) that I feel like I'd happily go home and give up on uni. I mean I won't, but it feels like an option sometimes
was wondering if anyone could give me a hand...I've been going out with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years now and I recently moved to Italy on a year abroad. Through bad timing he went on a trip round Europe before I left, and I could only get flights 2 days after he got back, so basically we haven't seen each other for a month and a half now. I'm finding it extremely difficult not seeing him every day - we lived a 15 minute bus journey away and now it's a 3 hour plane. He's coming on Sunday for a visit (yay) for a week, but the main problem I've been having is sitting in at night time talking to him on Facebook when I should be going out enjoying myself. If I do go out I feel pretty guilty because he's sweet and is very likely to have stayed in to see if I'm online too. Anyone have any advice for being less dependent? I'm fine during the day because I'm busy, but it's at night time when I've got nobody to talk to (massive language barrier with my room mates
) that I feel like I'd happily go home and give up on uni. I mean I won't, but it feels like an option sometimes 
Huge argument tonight :-( really struggling. So difficult when you can't talk about it face to face, either.
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