I'm concerned about my mates eating.

My mate is a student living in uni accommodation. He feels anxious round the other people living in his building so I think he is two nervous to go into the communal kitchen. But I ask him what he's eaten. Once, all he had eaten in 3 days was 3 bowls of chereos serial. (1 bowl a day). Then another day all he had eaten is 1 slice of pizza. I ask him and why he's not eaten and he says things like he doesn't want to get fat or he's not hungry. I'm concerned that he's not getting enough calories or nutrients and I don't know what I can do to help him. (We kind of have a romantic thing going as well)

Reply 1

indiamycat

10

Hi,

Speaking from someone who has gone through an eating disorder (ED) that sounds suspiciously like an ED. Eating in front of others or preparing food in front of others (e.g. in a communal kitchen) is still a big trigger for me, even though I'm in recovery, so I cannot imagine how hard it must be for him. However, he does need help, regardless of his weight, how long this has been going on for etc. Is there someone pastoral you could speak to at uni or a guidance counsellor (I'm not sure what unis have to offer as I'm year 12)? Or go to the GP with him? He might deny having an issue (he may genuinely not realise, as difficult as that is to comprehend or he might deny it because he wants to continue with what he's doing) and it's really tough to get through to someone with disordered eating/ED, especially if they are undernourished because our brains don't process things too well in starvation mode! Let me know if I can be of any more help!

Also, make sure to take care of yourself - ED (if it is that) can be really difficult on everyone involved not just the sufferer so look after you!

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Talk to him and see what the problem is. If it's social anxiety then he must be exposed to the flatmates more so he feels more comfortable around them.

The first few weeks I used to avoid the kitchen when other people were there but then I slowly opened up and became friends with the others.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by indiamycat

Hi,

Speaking from someone who has gone through an eating disorder (ED) that sounds suspiciously like an ED. Eating in front of others or preparing food in front of others (e.g. in a communal kitchen) is still a big trigger for me, even though I'm in recovery, so I cannot imagine how hard it must be for him. However, he does need help, regardless of his weight, how long this has been going on for etc. Is there someone pastoral you could speak to at uni or a guidance counsellor (I'm not sure what unis have to offer as I'm year 12)? Or go to the GP with him? He might deny having an issue (he may genuinely not realise, as difficult as that is to comprehend or he might deny it because he wants to continue with what he's doing) and it's really tough to get through to someone with disordered eating/ED, especially if they are undernourished because our brains don't process things too well in starvation mode! Let me know if I can be of any more help!

Also, make sure to take care of yourself - ED (if it is that) can be really difficult on everyone involved not just the sufferer so look after you!

He wants to lose weight but he is only 9 stone. Which according to BMI is towards the underweight section. He doesn't look fat in fact he looks pretty thin. Not sure how long it's been going on for. I can't really report it to any uni ppl cos we don't go uni together or anything so don't know anything about it. I spoke to a doctor and he think he knows what condition he has and he recommended showing him this leaflet plus cad therapy would be good but said their isn't much I can do if he won't go gp.

Reply 4

nzy

17

If you suspect it is an eating disorder, he really does need to talk to a GP, and the sooner the better. Hopefully there's something here that you find helpful: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/supporting-someone/worried-about-friend. If you find the situation gets anymore serious and you can't handle it by yourself, it would definitely be worth trying to get his family and uni's student support services alerted if they aren't already aware of the situation. I'm sure his family would greatly appreciate being told, and having a larger support system around would be beneficial to both of you in the long run.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by nzy

If you suspect it is an eating disorder, he really does need to talk to a GP, and the sooner the better. Hopefully there's something here that you find helpful: https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/supporting-someone/worried-about-friend. If you find the situation gets anymore serious and you can't handle it by yourself, it would definitely be worth trying to get his family and uni's student support services alerted if they aren't already aware of the situation. I'm sure his family would greatly appreciate being told, and having a larger support system around would be beneficial to both of you in the long run.

Hi, Thanks for the messsage. I'm going to sit down with him and talk about seeing a GP. I think as long as he sees a GP he should start getting support. The problem is with his family is I don't know them and he doesn't really get on with his family.

I'm concerned about my mates eating.

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