What is the funniest exam answer you've seen/written down?

A couple of weeks ago, I was looking through Waterstones and saw a book full of weird and wonderful exam answers!

Therefore, TSRians: what's the funniest, weirdest or just plain strange answer you've seen? (can be to any question really though)

I’m an examiner for AQA and had been marking papers since 2005. I have found some rather funny answers, unfortunately some of them have gotten the students disqualified but nonetheless the one I find the funniest way, it was in English Language exam the student answered:

> Mr Examiner please call the police my parents beat me and they keep me under surveillance the only time when my parents aren’t puffing air down my neck is when I’m at school. I have a cousin in my class who makes sure I act normal and the few times I feel like telling the teacher about my parents after class, my cousin walks up to the discussion and essentially intimidates me in a “what do you think you’re about to tell the teacher?” and the exams are the only time where I can cry for help, please this is not a joke. My name is Dylan McRoger, my form tutor is Julian Good and this is New High School Academy. I emphasise this is not a joke, I need you to call the police because my parents pick me up and drop me off and they installed a CCTV in my room. Please this is not a joke I’m being dead serious.

Unfortunately I couldn’t give any marks because the answer was at the first page whereas the story telling section was at the end. I’m not sure what grade he got because examiners make different pages of students’ exam paper.