Can someone please mark my narritive writing piece?

I have my exam on monday but i am terrible at story writing. Ive practised a few that would overlap with a lot of titles. My exam board is Eduqas. Thanks

That was the worst experience of my life! “I’m ready, right?” I continued to ask myself as I walked into the enormous exam hall. It was time. I was nervous. I was shaking. As I sat down, the huge metal door slammed shut and the room went completely silent. Every move, footstep and cough could be heard. Could I do this?

The clock was ticking. I was shaking; my heart started to beat rapidly. I began to worry that I wouldn't be able to finish. Was I putting my future in jeopardy? My mind went blank and I started to panic. I wish I had revised more….. I couldn't think, yet I had five minutes left.

I need to write an answer. Think brain, think! The ticking of the clock was getting louder and louder and felt like a swarm of bees buzzing. Suddenly, it was as if a lightbulb flashed inside my head; I had an answer. I scribbled the answer down so fast that my hand almost fell off.

Everyone walked out of the exam and breathed a sigh of relief. It was done, finished, complete. I had tried my best and that was all I could do. The stress of the exam may have been over but I then began to worry about the results which will be published in two weeks. There was a buzz in the air as everyone had mixed feelings.

Weeks passed and the time had come to find out my results. My hands were sweating and I was nervous. As I opened the envelope, I was filled with doubt and my eyes darted to the single number on the sheet of paper. I gasped with excitement, “I passed!” The relief and the feeling of passing was amazing however, I never want to go through that again.

Reply 1

zws

this is decent!! but I do have a few bits of feedback if you want them.

paragraph 1 and 2 - good. solid.
paragraph 3 is good but the line Suddenly, it was as if a lightbulb flashed inside my head; I had an answer. I scribbled the answer down so fast that my hand almost fell off. kind of interrupts the flow. up until that point the writing sounds mature but the word 'suddenly' kind of yanked me out of the reading experience, so you might want to change that word. same goes for so fast that my hand almost fell off. it sounds almost like its trying to be comedic but from the looks of it, this story is quite serious, so it interrupts the tone. maybe you could say 'until my hand was burning' or 'my fingers felt like lead' to keep up that mature and more serious voice.

there are a few changes in tense – the story is written in past tense so make sure to change then began to worry about the results which will be published in two weeks to past tense too. same goes for the final line however, I never want to go through that again. change that to past tense and you're good!

Reply 2

Emily_!?

Thankyou so much! The exams on Monday so now I have the weekend to study for it. I always struggle with tenses and interesting vocab so that a great help. Do you know what grade this might be?

Reply 3

zws

im not that grade at assessing grades so I cant tell you definitively. I think this is a good concept though –you've managed to make something very simple and straightforward into something interesting. I think if you refined and worked on this and then tweaked it for the exam it would work well!!

Quick Reply

Latest

Articles for you

15 things that only happen in university halls

The Student Room community guidelines

How to write an excellent personal statement in 10 steps

The Student Room Group Privacy Notice

Can someone please mark my narritive writing piece?

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you