English lang

I can give you some feedback.

Hey there,
I haven't answered all the question yet only question 2. The third paragraph is yet finished either sorry.

In source A, the rowing boat is ‘tiny’ compared to the waves ‘a wall of white towering over our tiny boat’ This implies that the rowing boat is delicate and small. This makes the rowing boat seem powerless and defenceless to the waves. The rowing boat and the waves are almost competing against each other and they have both conflicted war at each other. It further emphasises that the rowing boat is inferior to the waves. It also insinuates that nature is in control. Whereas, in source B the boat is a ‘steam ship’ which suggests that it is much wider in size. The steamship is sturdy and it is coarse.

In source A, the rowing boat has ‘coped well with the seas we experienced thus far incredibly well’. This implies that although it is small in size, it still has the strength. As readers, we may have underestimated its potential of being at sea. However, in source B the steam ship is ‘ancient and damaged’ which suggests that the boat has been mistreated whilst being at sea. This proves that size does not define the solidity of both steam ship and rowing boat. It also manifests that it has existed for a long time. It could also show that the steam ship isn’t as secure as it once was because of its appalling conditions.

In source A, the rowing boat is dangerous and reliable. Forge says ‘it has collapsed on top of me’ This implies that the rowing boat is very unsafe and vulnerable. This makes the rowing boat seem hazardous and malignant. However, in source B the steam ship has ‘succession of bumps

This question asks you to identify simiIarities/differences between the two excerpts by inferring from details in the passages. A lot of this is good, especially the second paragraph, wherein you clearly compare the two extracts.

However, this is only clear after decoding the verbosity. This causes you to delve away from the question (focus even more on using words like 'however' and 'implies' which force you to compare the sources and infer as much as possible). I should be able to figure out the question from your response but I am unable to.

To improve, therefore, I suggest that you focus even more on answering the question - remember you need to be inferring not analysing! I have disregarded the third paragraph because it is incomplete.

I do not mean to demotivate you. Rather, this a well thought-out answer that would certainly pick up a lot of the marks.

6 or 7 out of 8. I think that this answer would definitely stand out as well-written in an exam, but I think you could achieve similar results by writing more concisely (and improve by incorporating the feedback I gave earlier) which would allow you to save more time for the later questions.

That's fine! Thankyou, I didn't really understand what you meant by some of the feedback. I'm not trying to waste any of your time, but could you please write that paragraph out again but just adding or removing certain bits to make it better. I'm not meaning to come across as rude.

Yes. Please could you send the question (I won't add anything new but instead I will rephrase your paragraph)

The boat referred to in source A is much smaller than the boat in source B. Whilst the rowing boat in A is "tiny", almost timid in comparison to the "towering" waves, the "steamship" in source B is far wider and heftier. The fragility of the rowing boat is downplayed, perhaps to romanticise the ferocity of the waves, in the wake of which it is clearly defenceless and prone to "collaps[ing]". In stark contrast to this flimsyness, the vessel in source B appears hardier and less frail, in spite of its "ancient", reliclike aura, implying that it is better placed in the scene of the bitter ocean than the boat in source A.

When writing this I noticed that you then state that the boat in source A is strong in spite of its size, while the ship in source B is actually "ancient and damaged". It is important to contextualise your points with the rest of the source (so if it becomes clear that the boat in B is not strong, don't state that it is strong because you are contradicting yourself and the text). Since I do not have the sources myself, I have only been able to reword your answer so I don't know how the boats are actually perceived by the respective writers (but always keep this in mind when writing). Whilst my paragraph is my no means perfect, please note how it is more concise and clearly refers to the question, which means that it does not absorb too much time that would be better spent elsewhere.

To answer your question, I got a grade 9

That's fine, but whilst writing in a more sophisticated tone can allow you to more concisely express your thoughts, I would advise you to write in a way that seems the most natural to you. That being said, it is definitely useful to learn from the writing styles of other but I would focus primarily on the content of what you are writing.