lang p1, q5- please could someone mark this asap?

After realising that I only know how to write descriptions and that there is a chance that both questions could be a story, decided I should probably try to write one. As I said, I'm not very good at them so please give me all the feedback you can. Thanks :smile:

She opened her eyes, the dark room before her blinking into focus. Was it day, night? She failed to reach an answer. Groaning, she tossed the pastel bedsheets aside and dragged herself from the cocoon of her bed, over to the curtains which she proceeded to tear open with a newfound anger. Judging by the pale orb that hovered over the tiled roofs in the distance, she acknowledged that it was indeed night, although how, she did not understand. For how long had she lay there, trapped in the grip of the nightmares that held her past against her each night?

She was not who she once was.

As she strolled through the moonlit streets, she recalled the last time she had meandered through these darkened pathways; unaware, ignorant in innocence. Once, she had marvelled at the way the warm toned streetlights highlighted the ripples that formed in pools of water as cooling raindrops splattered into them. Once, she had appreciated the peaceful quiet of the night, the only time where she could be alone with her emotions, feelings and thoughts.

But now, the night was only a vessel of pain, torture and memories that she would much prefer to be left alone. Her only source of joy and tranquillity had been taken from her, ripped from her soul against the remaining fragments of her will. Oh how hard she had tried to cling to the single thing that had once saved her. Oh how badly she had failed.

It was not disappointment in herself that filled her as she walked the familiar, haunting streets, but pure hatred for he who had done this to her; he who had infiltrated her life through lies, and stolen everything and everyone she loved away from her. After everything she had been through for him, for them, what was she left with?

Other than the memories that plagued her whilst she slept, she wasn't able to think of much else.

Reply 1

thrivingfrog

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Reply 2

LegendPinoy

im no examiner but i am a student also sitting the exam tomorrow TT and i really liked this! the only thing i could suggest is more use of different punctuation

Reply 3

thrivingfrog

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Original post by LegendPinoy

im no examiner but i am a student also sitting the exam tomorrow TT and i really liked this! the only thing i could suggest is more use of different punctuation

Thanks! And good luck :smile:

Reply 4

username3416616

Former GCSE English student here (now a level :broken:

That's a strong piece, i don't think there's much point in detailed feedback, since you've already done exams, but your writing has some calibre, nice one :borat: