Hi,
l am in a really bad place rn and I would appreciate any advice anyone has to share.
In year 12 , I didn't take my A-levels seriously and also due to some personal circumstances and mental health issues I got CCD in my year 12 mocks, the teachers couldn't predict me higher and so I couldn't apply to dentistry in year 13, I decided to take a gap year and apply with my final grades.
the end of year 13 comes and throughout year 13 I was struggling to learn everything I missed in year 12 whilst also tackling year 13 content and I didn't get the A's that I desired but instead got BCD (bio chem and history)
Absolutely gutted, my parents completely ashamed of me I felt completely hopeless and an absolute failure and at this point Dentistry seemed so far bcuz I felt so dumb - I couldn't even get high in my A-levels!
I was on a gap year anyways, so I decided to re-sit them which I will be doing so this coming exam season may/june.
I also decided to go to college again so that I could get predicted grades to apply for dentistry, I worked hard and managed to get AAA predicted in my 3 subjects a couple of weeks into september (mock exams, homeworks etc) despite doing horribly in my actual a levels.
Feeling slightly hopeful, I did the UCAT which I didn't have much time to revise for ( 3 weeks) because I didn't know whether or not I would get the predicted grades and even be applying. I did it and was completely shattered. I got 2400, I felt like an even bigger failure and everything in my life was telling me that I should just pick another course. My parents were fed up of my constant failures and even now refuse to look at me the same.
I applied anyways, I applied to leeds, cardiff, kcl and 2 biomed unis (brighton and sussex and bradford) , I knew my chances at cardiff and kcl were little to none but I didn't want to give up hope and I thought I might aswell apply anyways.
I did the bmat in november and managed to get really good in it. (4.6 4.8 3.5A) - I was extremely hopeful for leeds.
a week ago I got a rejection from Cardiff which i was expecting.
I got a place for biomed in bradford.
But today it felt like my whole world. had fallen apart bcuz I got a rejection from leeds pre-interview.
My parents refuse to talk to me, and now I can't even focus on revising for my A-levels because I am completely deteriorating mentally.
I could apply for another degree in january, but I have no other passion. I have no idea what else I could do. I have always wanted this.
I can only focus on my a levels for now but what after that?
I hate the way my parents see me, they are constantly comparing me to their friends kids who got into med/dentistry the first time. i feel like a reject.
They are completely opposed to the idea of a second gap year and refuse to even think it over, convincing them to let me take this one was hard enough.
If I take up the biomed offer at bradford I could transfer to dentistry after the first year but even that is competitive and as you can see I am not that smart so even that happening is unlikely.
I struggle with depression, self harm and suicidal thoughts and it just seems to be getting worse too.
My life is a complete mess right now.
Please someone give me advice, or anything.