The Student Room Group

is it bad to be quiet?

I just started a new job and I’ve been there for a few weeks now, the manager and a few other colleagues keep telling me I’m quiet and don’t speak but it’s not true. I just don’t really speak to them because they haven’t made an effort to speak to me and even when I’ve smiled at them or tried to speak I’ve been ignored. I have social anxiety too so getting a job in the first place was a big step for me but I talk to pretty much all of my other colleagues except those people who call me quiet. What’s your opinion or advice on this?
Original post by Homosapien7
I just started a new job and I’ve been there for a few weeks now, the manager and a few other colleagues keep telling me I’m quiet and don’t speak but it’s not true. I just don’t really speak to them because they haven’t made an effort to speak to me and even when I’ve smiled at them or tried to speak I’ve been ignored. I have social anxiety too so getting a job in the first place was a big step for me but I talk to pretty much all of my other colleagues except those people who call me quiet. What’s your opinion or advice on this?

I talk to some of my colleagues more than others, one in particular I only make small talk with because she would talk down at me as if she was in charge. On my first few shifts I was quiet and barely talked but once I got to know my colleagues I opened up a bit more. Be your own person, they can’t force you to talk to them if you don’t want to.
In my experience being too quiet can come across as being defensive, cold and not being a ‘team player’.
Reply 3
I’m in the same boat! Next time they make such complaint, just tell them that you’re always open for a conversation and they’re welcome to initiate conversations. For some people, socialisation is a gradual process and forcing it only makes for a really unpleasant impression. Encourage them to make first moves, thereby widening the opportunity to know them better. Only use this tactic to whomever makes such comment.
(edited 10 months ago)
Reply 4
Original post by yeet_21
In my experience being too quiet can come across as being defensive, cold and not being a ‘team player’.


but that’s not the impression I give really, I’m polite with everyone but the ones I don’t speak to are too loud for me and it can be overbearing
Reply 5
Original post by LegalTom
I’m in the same boat! Next time they make such complaint, just tell them that you’re always open for a conversation and they’re welcome to initiate conversations. For some people, socialisation is a gradual process and forcing it only makes for a really unpleasant impression. Encourage them to make first moves, thereby widening the opportunity to know them better. Only use this tactic to whomever makes such comment.


Thank you! Thing is, the people saying it aren’t the nicest towards me so I’ve stopped making an effort to socialize because they constantly nitpick at what I do. It has put me off from socializing with them all together.
Reply 6
Original post by Homosapien7
Thank you! Thing is, the people saying it aren’t the nicest towards me so I’ve stopped making an effort to socialize because they constantly nitpick at what I do. It has put me off from socializing with them all together.

This is exactly my experience. I only have so much enthusiasm to give and I reserve it for those who care about my presence. I have noticed that the people I seamlessly engage with immediately sparked a connection when I first spoke to them and they were insistent on sustaining a good relationship with me; I didn’t have to struggle. But with others, it just felt like a chore when I thought about engaging with them. For those ones, just encourage them to initiate conversations; and i’d like to think that you just need at least one person to help you navigate social landmines!

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