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I am thinking of rejecting a high salary cause of my autism

I'm nearly 30. my 20s will end under a year and half. I was foolish to train as a teacher. Top performing elitist school offering me starting salary of 38,000 (london). however it involves moving back to parents. I seriously no longer want to do any type of work because i am boring and i think the key to life, is to have friends, is to have a personality. I can not keep pretending and a false life.

Everyday i have masked. Teaching persona makes the autism worse. I did work in the kitchen sector, fundraising, jobs that are suited for 'autism'. I just don't want to spend my life working with no social life. I have effectively, ruined my life and I don't think someone 'pretending to make up stories about having friends, whilst chatting to colleagues' is a good practice.

I might the quit the PGCE because i don't feel comfortable anymore, even i pass and get the big salary. I feel like a liar. lying to students with SEN, lying to people and colleagues with a teaching persona. I can't do something in life, when i have no friends or no love life ever in my life. This has been one big lie. Quitting ahead and probably never finding a purpose in life due to autism, would be the right thing to do.

I have just never been happy what i do, despite my successes. I need a social life, which i will probably never have due to autism, and a wife, which i never have due to autism. I am ranting but the question is.

Should i just quit everything??
Reply 1
If you quit everything, how do you expect to afford food or have somewhere to live? You wouldn't be able to claim you're unemployed, you would have just turned down a £38,000 salary. There are thousands of people who'd kill to have that as a salary, you seem so ungrateful of it. Plus if you didn't work you'd be cutting off a large way to meet new people.
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
I'm nearly 30. my 20s will end under a year and half. I was foolish to train as a teacher. Top performing elitist school offering me starting salary of 38,000 (london). however it involves moving back to parents. I seriously no longer want to do any type of work because i am boring and i think the key to life, is to have friends, is to have a personality. I can not keep pretending and a false life.

Everyday i have masked. Teaching persona makes the autism worse. I did work in the kitchen sector, fundraising, jobs that are suited for 'autism'. I just don't want to spend my life working with no social life. I have effectively, ruined my life and I don't think someone 'pretending to make up stories about having friends, whilst chatting to colleagues' is a good practice.

I might the quit the PGCE because i don't feel comfortable anymore, even i pass and get the big salary. I feel like a liar. lying to students with SEN, lying to people and colleagues with a teaching persona. I can't do something in life, when i have no friends or no love life ever in my life. This has been one big lie. Quitting ahead and probably never finding a purpose in life due to autism, would be the right thing to do.

I have just never been happy what i do, despite my successes. I need a social life, which i will probably never have due to autism, and a wife, which i never have due to autism. I am ranting but the question is.

Should i just quit everything??

What have you done to socialize?

Do you have a time cap for how long you work on schooling?
My wife works at a school. She used to come home with her work and be utterly stressed to te bone. No friendships to build.

This changed when she would spend only 1 hour on work at home. This gave her more time to socialize. We then were able to get her to keep work at work.

This is something to work towards.

Also, you do not need to accept the highest paying job or most demanding. If teaching was somehing you wanted to do, then what brought you to this decision? Are the factors that made you want to be a teache still exist?

I get the vibe that you are higher on the autism spectrim than others. Some jobs for those with autism may seem boring to you. Go for something where you have to learn to do it but also something you think you will be good at. Then consider if it makes you content. Not happy, content. Not everyone will be happy with work 100% of the time. I dont think that is realistic. But you shouldnt be bloody miserable either.
Reply 3
Original post by Doomotron
If you quit everything, how do you expect to afford food or have somewhere to live? You wouldn't be able to claim you're unemployed, you would have just turned down a £38,000 salary. There are thousands of people who'd kill to have that as a salary, you seem so ungrateful of it. Plus if you didn't work you'd be cutting off a large way to meet new people.


Be on disability allowance. yes the salary would be a life saver to move out rather than get a council flat, based on autism sympathy but i have never a fulfuling life and i would rather reject a career, i could be succesful, to gain social skills and life and maybe some normal hobby ****. I have not been happy in a decade. I am ******* laughing myself, how i have a degree, an msc and about to get a pgce. I have struggled to socialise since 2011.

The way i socialise with people at work makes me sick. I am not a 'real man', I don't like football, i don't seem to have a common ground with anyone hence the autism. My parents said it to my face for a decade and still say it to my face even though im nearly in my 30s. I am boring and unsociable. This tag has been bothering me since 2020. I never ever wanted to work. I'm driven to madness, yes i wanted to teacher to inspire but how can i ******* inspire if i'm a ******. it will be like blind leading the blind.

I realised, the more i was succesful (in anything i do), the more parents and people would judge me and it will drive me into madness.
Reply 4
Original post by da_nolo
What have you done to socialize?

Do you have a time cap for how long you work on schooling?
My wife works at a school. She used to come home with her work and be utterly stressed to te bone. No friendships to build.

This changed when she would spend only 1 hour on work at home. This gave her more time to socialize. We then were able to get her to keep work at work.

This is something to work towards.

Also, you do not need to accept the highest paying job or most demanding. If teaching was somehing you wanted to do, then what brought you to this decision? Are the factors that made you want to be a teache still exist?

I get the vibe that you are higher on the autism spectrim than others. Some jobs for those with autism may seem boring to you. Go for something where you have to learn to do it but also something you think you will be good at. Then consider if it makes you content. Not happy, content. Not everyone will be happy with work 100% of the time. I dont think that is realistic. But you shouldnt be bloody miserable either.


Good question. nothing. Not even me travelling and working in america or working for an awful camp where i lived with colleagues has helped me. I am quite bluntly, a fool, and a fool who is career driven who is missing the key indegredient 'Social skills and friends'

PGCE probably not suitable for people with disabilities. I can spend a whole day just doing work. 8am-12am whole day 14 hours.

I started feeling uneasy around september 2022, immediately after starting my teaching course. my lecturer is both university lecturer and assistant headteacher of a secondary school. in the group chat, her life litterally consists of school. From then on, i worried this is what im facing. 'I'm fighting a disorder, why would i alienate my family, having a school lifestyle when i have poor social skills'.

to note, i am drunk (and apologises tsr) and not making sense but i have felt really *****y for decades. since lockdown 2020, i've realised my life is heading down shitness, I dont need a job unless my social skills improve. This will probably never happen.
Reply 5
Original post by Anonymous
Good question. nothing. Not even me travelling and working in america or working for an awful camp where i lived with colleagues has helped me. I am quite bluntly, a fool, and a fool who is career driven who is missing the key indegredient 'Social skills and friends'

PGCE probably not suitable for people with disabilities. I can spend a whole day just doing work. 8am-12am whole day 14 hours.

I started feeling uneasy around september 2022, immediately after starting my teaching course. my lecturer is both university lecturer and assistant headteacher of a secondary school. in the group chat, her life litterally consists of school. From then on, i worried this is what im facing. 'I'm fighting a disorder, why would i alienate my family, having a school lifestyle when i have poor social skills'.

to note, i am drunk (and apologises tsr) and not making sense but i have felt really *****y for decades. since lockdown 2020, i've realised my life is heading down shitness, I dont need a job unless my social skills improve. This will probably never happen.


Well have you talked to a counselor about your problems? Someone who can ask questions and talk things through with you?

Also, what programs do you know of that help people with autism? Do you use programs available through uni or the city?

Your question makes sense. Why do something that prevents a social life if you have trouble being social?

Hard to give exact answer as an answer for someone else may not work for you.

I do not think transitioning to a new career is all together bad, but outright quitting without resolution makes life harder to be social or be with family than having a job where you work 14 hrs a day.

Have you asked your professor about their social life and about balancing work vs family?
Reply 6
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It sounds like you're going through a difficult time and experiencing a sense of disillusionment with your current path.

Seek support: It's crucial to reach out to friends, family, or professionals who can provide emotional support during this challenging period. Consider talking to a therapist or counselor who can help you explore your feelings and develop coping strategies.

Reflect on your values and passions: Take some time for self-reflection to identify what truly matters to you and what brings you fulfillment. Understanding your values and passions can help guide your future decisions and actions.

Consider career counseling: Professional career counselors can assist you in exploring alternative career paths that align with your interests, strengths, and goals. They can provide guidance on potential options and help you make informed decisions about your future.

Focus on personal growth: Rather than solely defining your happiness by external factors like having friends or a romantic partner, consider investing in personal growth and self-improvement. This can involve pursuing hobbies, engaging in activities you enjoy, and finding fulfillment in personal development.

Connect with autism support networks: Seek out communities and organizations that provide support and resources specifically for individuals with autism. Connecting with others who have similar experiences can help you feel understood and provide valuable insights and guidance.

Remember, everyone's journey is unique, and it's never too late to make changes in your life that align with your values and bring you happiness. Consider seeking professional guidance and support to help you navigate this transition and find a path that feels authentic and fulfilling for you.
(edited 11 months ago)
Reply 7
Original post by Anonymous
I'm nearly 30. my 20s will end under a year and half. I was foolish to train as a teacher. Top performing elitist school offering me starting salary of 38,000 (london). however it involves moving back to parents. I seriously no longer want to do any type of work because i am boring and i think the key to life, is to have friends, is to have a personality. I can not keep pretending and a false life.

Everyday i have masked. Teaching persona makes the autism worse. I did work in the kitchen sector, fundraising, jobs that are suited for 'autism'. I just don't want to spend my life working with no social life. I have effectively, ruined my life and I don't think someone 'pretending to make up stories about having friends, whilst chatting to colleagues' is a good practice.

I might the quit the PGCE because i don't feel comfortable anymore, even i pass and get the big salary. I feel like a liar. lying to students with SEN, lying to people and colleagues with a teaching persona. I can't do something in life, when i have no friends or no love life ever in my life. This has been one big lie. Quitting ahead and probably never finding a purpose in life due to autism, would be the right thing to do.

I have just never been happy what i do, despite my successes. I need a social life, which i will probably never have due to autism, and a wife, which i never have due to autism. I am ranting but the question is.

Should i just quit everything??


I think you have hit on something I should have years ago. While I chatted to people here and there I never really put in the effort I should off to try and get to know them better. I wouldn't like to say to try to make 'friends' as that I have since come to feel is setting up a bit too much off a formal aim. That I think can be a bit of a misguided aim as it can be too rigid goal setting that isn't always easily achieved as hoped. So instead I would say I should have put a bit more effort into getting to know better those that may have been open to it. I agree with you that putting people first is more important than what we are doing/want to do and I kind of regret too not doing that in the past. Everything became about where I was heading and not so much about the people around me. I think education kind of pushed the focus too heavily on where to head rather than on the importance of people first. Not that I think it's entirely to blame I have myself to blame for that too as I unwittingly did not see it.

That said not all others would feel the same way, some may but some others as similarly career or otherwise focused. So it's all relative I guess. I know some people are happy with their sphere of life, of people they already know and some people either naturally fit with that or they don't. So these days I am happy to just know those that wouldn't fit with me as they have a different life rather than try and feel I have to befriend everyone.

So I would say it isn't just you but society at large, particularly in education where the priority can be too much on career ambition and not on each other. I wouldn't say everyone is that way some people are people oriented but that it is a big issue in society these days. Even knowing your neighbours is far less common than it used to be though granted it may help avoid trouble or too much nosing into your life sometimes.

I think as to your issue if you're not happy with your situation then change. You don't have to become a teacher, you have already gotten good qualifications it sounds. I wouldn't do nothing but there is a whole world out there. So while you need an idea of how you are going to support yourself there are no doubt many other avenues to explore. £38k isn't as much as it sounds not once you get taxed, over £12.5k free of tax income allowance you'll pay a third of you your money in tax in income tax & national insurance, roughly. With wages going up due to inflation even the more basic jobs you can get around £30k before tax for full time work. So you may not be giving up as much as you think you might.

I too am in a job at the moment that while I'm happy with the job in general it has an element of me having to do the 'job role' and not me being me. This is of course necessary as it's what I need to do to stay in the job and I need to stay in the job to get to where I want to go. So it's something I suck up for the meanwhile as a necessary evil that many of us have to. Shortly when I get some independent income set up I will be able to move on from being that 'role' and back onto being 'me'. In truth there are no doubt other jobs and stuff I can do but if I took another job I really wouldn't want another one where it's requiring me to act a certain defined set way to people that I normally would never would. I get that it's necessary for some jobs but for me it's acting a way other than what I would want to be, not 100 percent of the time while doing the job maybe just 5 percent but still something where if I had a choice I would prefer not to do that.

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