How do I reconcile my existence?
I'm finding it really difficult to find the motivation to do anything, I don't seem to have the interested or energy to actually strive for my goals anymore. Everything seems to feel fuzzy and disconnected, but I can't help but deal physical and emotional blows by putting myself in vulnerable positions.
Pretty much all started after my initial BMAT in 2022, I didn't feel I did well enough and from that point on it has become a downward spiral of worsening symptoms. I'll detail some of them below:
- Apathy, listlessness
- Lack of energy
- Lack of ability to focus
- Poorer memory
- Critical voice that denigrates everything I do, I strive for perfection but fall short because every single point of my day is a reason I give to myself to give up.
It's not that I want to give up, I visited the doctor to deal with some of the issues I've been facing but I can't stand it. Most of the time I just feel numb and I'm just not sure what to do at this point.
Pretty much all started after my initial BMAT in 2022, I didn't feel I did well enough and from that point on it has become a downward spiral of worsening symptoms. I'll detail some of them below:
- Apathy, listlessness
- Lack of energy
- Lack of ability to focus
- Poorer memory
- Critical voice that denigrates everything I do, I strive for perfection but fall short because every single point of my day is a reason I give to myself to give up.
It's not that I want to give up, I visited the doctor to deal with some of the issues I've been facing but I can't stand it. Most of the time I just feel numb and I'm just not sure what to do at this point.
That is terrible. Perhaps look at this at a natural way? We are humans and as a species, it is our responsibility to keep the species alive and prevent it from going extinct. We also need to be the best. If you strive and achieve your goals, you are an ambassador for ambition and hard work, rather than something negative. You represent humanity in a positive light. It is your duty.
I have no idea if it will help, but I've always looked at the world in this way to keep me motivated.
I have no idea if it will help, but I've always looked at the world in this way to keep me motivated.
Original post by .Vvoid.
That is terrible. Perhaps look at this at a natural way? We are humans and as a species, it is our responsibility to keep the species alive and prevent it from going extinct. We also need to be the best. If you strive and achieve your goals, you are an ambassador for ambition and hard work, rather than something negative. You represent humanity in a positive light. It is your duty.
I have no idea if it will help, but I've always looked at the world in this way to keep me motivated.
I have no idea if it will help, but I've always looked at the world in this way to keep me motivated.
Thank you for replying and while I do not believe it is the ultimate solution to my problems, it is something that I have considered and that provides some light in the darkness.
You don’t need to reconcile it I’m afraid. The fact is you’re here, you exist. So you may as well try and make the best of it while you can. Maybe try and get to the root of why it started with the BMAT. Did you do badly in it? Did your self worth crumble afterwards? These are things that can be addressed and fixed, both through your own effort and with things like therapy.
Original post by Sorcerer of Old
You don’t need to reconcile it I’m afraid. The fact is you’re here, you exist. So you may as well try and make the best of it while you can. Maybe try and get to the root of why it started with the BMAT. Did you do badly in it? Did your self worth crumble afterwards? These are things that can be addressed and fixed, both through your own effort and with things like therapy.
I put too much stock in my value as an individual that could benefit society intellectually, I struggle socially and physically so it seemed a logical course. However, putting far too much pressure on the outcome of my academic pursuits lends me to annihilate myself when I don't meet my expectations. It has not been this bad for a while, though it now feels like a weight I simply cannot alleviate is starting to crush me.
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