The Student Room Group

How do I deal with this situation

Am I being unreasonable to not want the whole college to know about this relationship/affair? I’ll try to explain the situation as best as I can. I’m a 19 year old (male), I ended up in a sort of relationship/affair with a senior teacher at a primary school in the same academy trust that my college (I’m a a student at the college) is part of. It was an affair for her (the senior primary school teacher) as she’s married. We both met (we didn’t meet each other through the fact that I was a student at the college though) earlier this year (I was a student at the college at the time that we met but we didn’t meet each other through the college or through the fact that I was a student as the college). We we’re both going through a very difficult/stressful time, we ended up going on a night out with each other and getting very drunk and we ended up sleeping with each that night and then from there the relationship/affair just kept on getting bigger and bigger and more and more often. We’ve now had many nights out and sleep with each other many times as well. By “senior teacher”, I mean a member of SLT.

Now someone has contacted us saying they have a video of us both out drinking and kissing and will share our affair/relationship around the college as rumour unless we give them money. the senior teacher thinks we should go to the police because it’s blackmail but I’m worried it could make the person more angry and then more likely start the rumour/share the video.

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting the whole the college to know? We both never wanted anyone to know and now this person is threatening to spread it around the whole the college. I’m worried if they spread the video or start a rumour that everyone will be talking about when I’m in college and trying to ask me about it and I don’t want that to happen. It was just a way to help us both get through a stressful time but it got out of hand.

The academy trust don’t know either that we had this relationship/affair so that’s another problem. This person is also threatening to share this video with the academy trust as well.

Any help or advice is really appreciated, I’m so worried and can’t stop thinking about the fact that everyone might find out. I’m so worried.
Reply 1
I'm just worried that if we went to the police it could make this person more likely to tell the whole college or share the video around the whole college like they already want to do. I'm just worried they would get angry if we went to the police and just do it.
Reply 2
Has anyone got any advice please?
You keep asking if it's unreasonable for you not to want this made public?, I think you might be misunderstanding what blackmail is, they already know you don't want this.

Not great comfort but best brace for the fact it will likely come out no matter what you do now.
Reply 4
Interesting that you don't talk about ending the affair, which is the first thing you should do, and not just because you are being blackmailed; how would you feel if you partner was cheating on you? No matter how you met, she's dealing with her so-called 'difficult time' in a totally unprofessional and immoral way; how do you know things are stressful, she just told you? You're being used for sex, nothing more.

Second, you don't know that the blackmailer has video; they may have just seen you. Either way, contact the police because, as above, you'll lose however you chose to address it; demanding more money if you pay or starting the rumour anyway as they know you're desperate. The teacher is being quite brave involving the police as she could lose her job over it.
Original post by Surnia
Either way, contact the police because, as above, you'll lose however you chose to address it; demanding more money if you pay or starting the rumour anyway as they know you're desperate. The teacher is being quite brave involving the police as she could lose her job over it.


Yea just to be clear. Don't pay them a thing as they'll just demand more and will never give up the hold they (likely) have over you. The teacer is obv the target with most to lose here and you have v little control over this.

I'm on the fence about the police tbh. Its an appropriate action but probably will still come out. OP do you know the person blackmailing you?

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