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Is it bad that I want my friend to just not complain

I have this friend and he is generally a nice person quite popular quite nice but this guy makes it his whole personality that he has past trauma. We could have an exam that hes stressing and I'll be like "oh dont worry its not that big of a deal its a small test" and he'll be like "I crave academic validation because of my trauma". I fully understand coping mechanisms and such but my life has not been any easier. I won't get into the details but it's affected my everyday life. Every single thing I commented on even how he speaks to quite a few people he's made it about trauma. I'm honestly tired of it and I get trauma can be really difficult to deal with and having someone to vent to is the healthy thing to do, but I seriously can't stand it. It just seems like he's playing the victim/has a victim mentality.

I think what did it for me is when I actually opened up (just because a related topic came up so I mentioned it to support a point) he started joking around about it which I have not once done to him. That seriously hurt because it ruined how I trust people and cope with any surroundings. I am just so fed up with him and don't know how to politely tell him to buzz off and take it to a therapist. Can someone please validate how I'm feeling or am I just a bad person? I don't like people excessively speaking to me in general as I am a closed off person so this is really getting to me in unbearable ways
Original post by Anonymous #1
I have this friend and he is generally a nice person quite popular quite nice but this guy makes it his whole personality that he has past trauma. We could have an exam that hes stressing and I'll be like "oh dont worry its not that big of a deal its a small test" and he'll be like "I crave academic validation because of my trauma". I fully understand coping mechanisms and such but my life has not been any easier. I won't get into the details but it's affected my everyday life. Every single thing I commented on even how he speaks to quite a few people he's made it about trauma. I'm honestly tired of it and I get trauma can be really difficult to deal with and having someone to vent to is the healthy thing to do, but I seriously can't stand it. It just seems like he's playing the victim/has a victim mentality.

I think what did it for me is when I actually opened up (just because a related topic came up so I mentioned it to support a point) he started joking around about it which I have not once done to him. That seriously hurt because it ruined how I trust people and cope with any surroundings. I am just so fed up with him and don't know how to politely tell him to buzz off and take it to a therapist. Can someone please validate how I'm feeling or am I just a bad person? I don't like people excessively speaking to me in general as I am a closed off person so this is really getting to me in unbearable ways

Hi,

The way you feel is absolutely valid, and you are not a bad friend for feeling such a way. Oftentimes, it can be very difficult to say the right things when your friends are going through a troubling time. There's no textbook answer and way for us to react when our friends are telling us their problems. From the sounds of it, it seems like he does this very often to you, which can make you feel very overwhelmed and burdened. Sometimes it can be too much too handle, which can get frustrating for us.

If they keep putting you in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable, perhaps you could try vocalise it to them in a soft, gentle manner. I think it's important to emphasise that you're not annoyed them or their trauma, but that you find it difficult to navigate and help them through their problems. Gently ask for some space. You could suggest that they speak to a professional, someone who's trained at managing such situations, they would find that the insight from a professional would be much more helpful.

Hope this helps,
Danish
BCU Student Rep

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