English language paper 2 question 2 feedback

Hi there this is my response to the june 2017 paper under timed conditions is it possible if anyone could give me a mark and some feedback on what to improve

Q2) In source A the boy enjoys the more unconventional forms of play whereas in source b the boy conforms to the conventions we expect from a child playing. the boy in source A is seen 'switching the TV off' probably in an attempt to annoy their parents. this already is seen as unusual as we expect children to be fiddling with simple toys opposed to handling more technological equipment like a 'tv'. he is also noted as being 'giddy and silly' possibly suggesting how pathetic and amusing his forms of play are to the point where he even makes himself feel dizzy, making him seem really bizarre as he's playing with himself to the point where he already seems 'separate from' the rest of his 'family'. additionally we seem him try to 'shove noise up a hill' as 'he speaks gibberish' this illustrates how futile his efforts of trying to make sense of what he's saying and how his forms of play achieve nothing in helping develop as a child opposed to the more education and 'cause' and 'effect' type toys we see the child in source b play:

Contrastingly in source B, the child is seen playing with 'whips top-guns and bow-arrows' this suggests how his forms of play involve more physical interactions with his environment possibly signposting how more mature his forms of plays are as these types of toys often demonstrate the nature of physics which are more beneficial for a growing child to understand how the world works opposed to messing around