The Student Room Group

I can’t make friends at university

I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?
Reply 1
I hear you… I found myself in a similar situation when I was in second year and it was tough.

I found I connected well with people from similar areas that I came from (I’m northern and my uni was down south) but I found another person on the course from the north and we became good friends and he introduced me to his friends group and they made me feel welcome and I built friendships with them too. I found organising to go to the uni library with people really good for building friendships. It helped with the grades too as studying together can be really enjoyable and fun and sometimes sharing a task together or revising can make it feel less difficult and more motivating.

Does your course have a society that you can join and meet people through that? Are there any clubs there you could join that you are interested in?

Uni can be both a really happy and lonely place to be. I can assure you that there will be other people there that will feel the same as you and you are not alone. Keep going because your nearly half way through your second year now and you’ve got another year and a half to go. It’ll fly by. I know it’s hard but you’ve got this.
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Hey there @joviewilks !

Sorry to hear you're feeling like this, it's a tough spot to be in. I remember being in your position in second year as I didn't make a solid group of friends at uni until second year but that was because I didn't give up with it. Have you tried to make the first move with these coursemates to get a groupchat going with your circle? Is there a smaller group of you who get on the best that you could suggest a groupchat with and then make an effort to let things grow from there? I guarantee you there will be someone else in that lecture hall who feels the exact same way about your coursemates as you do. No one ever wants to make the first move is the problem. If you're keen to make things work then you could start by taking the course conversations onto social media groups and get closer with them on there. After a while you could suggest going out and doing something, you've just got to be pro-active with it because they've proven they can't be.

I would also suggest trying out Bumble BFF. It's a great way to meet people in your area who are in the same position as you and looking for friends. Just be careful you know who you're meeting before you do. Have you also tried Facebook groups? I'm not sure if it's true of all universities but for mine there's a Facebook group specifically for commuters and a lot of the time people post in there that they're struggling to make friends. You could try typing in on Facebook your university followed by commuters and see if you could reach out to people that way.

Hope this helped!
Lucy - Digital Student Ambassador SHU
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Hi there!

I'm sorry to read about your struggles - it can be really hard at university to make new friends that you have similar interests with. The main thing that I can suggest is to try to find something that you have in common with someone and stick with it. I just made a new friend that was on a different module, just we are both doing a dissertation. She invited me out to coffee to talk about our dissertations and that's become hanging out/ messaging regularly!

All the best,
Jaz - Cardiff student rep
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way - my best piece of advice would be to get in touch with your universities mental health and student support services as they will have trained staff who specialise in providing you with support for these types of issues.

If you felt comfortable with it, I would also advise to look at speaking with your course leader or a tutor you feel comfortable to speak to about this and the impact it's having on your studies. They will really appreciate you being open with them and will help you put the relevant support in place to help with your studies.

It can be tough to find a good group of friends, and often this takes time. Not everyone makes their 'friends for life' straight away, it took me until my 3rd year of uni to make friends. My advice would be is not to assume people aren't open to having more friends just because they already have a 'clique' or a steady group of friends.

Societies are brilliant to meet new people and you are likely to hit it off with other people due to your common interest. As difficult as it is, try to be brave and put yourself out there, or even studying on campus and engaging with familiar faces in the library helped me make friends

Good luck!

T
Original post by undefined
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Hi @undefined

I would recommend looking into what your Student Life team is running at your university. Universities will often have weekly events specifically for students to make friends who are feeling lonely and if you go to the same events every week its very likely that you will start to build a bond with the people who also go : )

As others have said societies are a great way to meet people. I would also really encourage you to try to develop a positive relationship with yourself, and take this time to enjoy spending time by yourself, maybe you could start a new hobby, for example a society at university or a class at your university gym. Universities will often have lots of different classes and societies for things to try and this will give you both a new purpose as well as a social network : )

I would also recommend having a chat with your universities well-being team, as they will be able to provide you with support as well as practical coping strategies and advice. I completely get that its so hard when you feel like people don't want to spend time with you but that just means they maybe aren't your people and you will find your people I am sure of it!

Please remember that you aren't alone and that there is support available if you need it, for example, Samaritans. You can even chat with them online to : )

I hope this helps : )
Katie - Third year Psychology student Edge Hill
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Forming relationships is hard - but the best thing to do in this situation is to seek out places in where you can meet people.

I was in a bit of the same situation - though I am a mature student who is working full time and doing part time studying - my local friends had all gone off to opportunities elsewhere and I can't meet anyone from my course because its remote.

Look at getting involved with university events, societies and sports.

I have found that team sports are some of the quickest ways to make friends as there is a lot of camaraderie involved.
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Hi there,

I am sorry to hear you are feeling this way. Uni can be really difficult for lots of people but I know when I commuted in first year of my degree I also found making friends difficult.
Lots of people meet in accommodation etc and when you don't live there it can seem really difficult to meet people you click with.

I would recommend joining plenty of societies and making sure that you get involved in clubs to meet people who are interested in similar things to you. I met lots of people through various societies at my university which I found really helped.

I hope this helps,

Ellen
Y4 Medical Student
Uni of Sunderland
Reply 8
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

what uni do you go to?
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear that you are finding it hard to make friends at uni. It can definitely be hard because everyone is trying to get used to living away and the increased work load. Especially as a commuter, it is really hard because alot of people make their friends in the accommodation- I also commuted to uni in my first year and found it hard.

I think that the best thing to do is to try and join some societies so you meet more people outside of your course. If you join societies that you are interested in you will be able to make friends who have similar interests to you which will set you up for a good friendship.

I really hope this helps,

Ellen
Y4 Medical Student
Uni of Sunderland
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear you have been feeling like this. University can be a very lonely place at times if you haven't found your people yet. Some tips that helped me make new friends involved joining some societies and clubs. Joining clubs or societies of hobbies you are interested in is always a great way of making new friends while doing something you enjoy.

I would also advise checking out what events your student union are hosting as they often organise social events which can be great for making new friends. These events are often really fun and allow you to get to know others within your university who may have things in common with you.

Another option would be getting involved with your universities student ambassador role as this has helped me make so many new friends while also earning some income. Being a SA allows you to work closely with student from courses throughout the university and often offers some socialising opportunities after big events such as open days.

I hope these tips are of some assistance and that you start to feel more like yourself soon,

Mary
London South Bank University Student Rep - 3rd year Children's Nursing
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

No. It's good to get out of reality and chat online. How about this?
Original post by joviewilks
I’m in second year now and I’ve been friendly with all my coursemates since the start of my degree, but none of us are really friends who go out, we just speak to each other there and speak about uni over text and that’s it.

I live at home still so I can’t be friends with anyone in my accommodation. All my home friends moved away for uni so I genuinely don’t have any friends. It’s making me not feel motivated to go to university unlike college and school where I was excited to see my friends everyday. I’ve always really close-knit friendship groups where we FaceTimed everyday and saw each other outside of education every other day etc. so it’s a massive change to what I’m used to and I hate it.

I have no motivation to study because I’m constantly bored and depressed, so now my grades are starting to slip. Over the past year I’ve tried to make plans so many times but these people just don’t do anything and always come up with that typical excuses every single time, no money, tired, travel, etc.

How am I supposed to get out of this situation?

Hiya,

I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing this, especially after going from having a really tight-knit group of friends where you're using to talking and facetiming all of the time!

Most of my friends at uni (Manchester) were from societies. I would always go to society fairs (there is usually one in September and one again in January, then the society information on the uni's website or student union website) My biggest advice is to be open minded, I went to fairs set on art society or hockey society and ended up in completely different ones just because the people were so friendly at other societies. You'll find the activity itself doesn't matter, it's all about the people there! Be open to the chance to try a new hobby or sport.

I hope this improves for you and that advice is helpful!

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