Should I take my GCSE’s this year or next year?

Hi, I need some advice and thought I would get the best advice on here. To cut a long story short, due to personal issues I haven’t been in any form of education since November 2022. So since the first month of Y10. This wasn’t a case of me not being bothered, in case anybody is thinking such things. It was very hard for me because I value my education is much, but for personal reasons I don’t want to get into because it would be very telling who I was, I couldn’t go in. It was an amalgamation of issues that have been stacking since year 7.
In March 2023, the school made a plan to have me on an alternative timetable away from others for as long as I needed. That first week I went in the teachers were already talking about getting me to go in normal lessons the next week, I said I couldn’t and they said ‘you can try’. But I know how that goes with my school, they’re very big on grades and not wellbeing. So if I ‘tried’ and didn’t cope they wouldn’t let me go back to the alternative timeline. I even brought this up and they brushed it off, they made sure not to say ‘no we wouldn’t do that’. They just said ‘oh well you don’t know if you don’t try!’. That just made me regress and stop going in again because I couldn’t cope with all this pressure. Then I didn’t go in for the rest of Year 10.
My school told me at the start of Y11, September 2023, that they wouldn’t let me back after saying I could come back (never had any bad behaviour, the opposite I was a teachers pet, so that’s not why I stopped attending).
Then a few months later, December 2023 they told me that I was off the school roll.
I was devastated but understood, I hadn’t been in for months.
Now a few weeks ago I found out I wasn’t off the school roll, and that was only because my family rang up to see if they could get some of my school information so I could get a tutor.
I don’t know why they said I was off the school roll, I think it was because they were trying to send me to one of those alternative schools, but they wouldn’t take me, because it’s not like I had behaviour issues.
Anyways, had a meeting yesterday because they said they wanted to discuss ‘my options’ which already had me concerned, because if this was a goodbye conversation I could do without.
I’d made peace with the fact I was going to have to spend and extra year or maybe two to get my grades.
What followed in this meeting was just 40 minutes of getting told the same thing constantly over and over.
They kept telling me some people take longer to get to their ‘destination’ aka GCSEs and that it’s ok. I did say the first few times ‘I know, I’ve already accepted that’. I stopped reminding them because they just kept going on about it.
The other thing they kept on saying was that I should sit my GCSEs this year. Remember I haven’t been in school for 2 years, was only in year 10 for one month. The reasoning they gave me was that if I sat my GCSEs I could see where I’m at. They kept on saying that and then I realised something, so I said ‘I could compromise and wait until the papers come out online and I could sit them and then I could still see what I’ve gotten’.
Then they kept on saying that I could do that but the teacher could mark it and I could end up with a 5 but it wouldn’t count because I haven’t sent it in & sat officially.
However, I’m realistic, I haven’t done any schoolwork in 2 years because the school wouldn’t send any work home because they were certain it would force me to come in, because they know how much I value education.
I had a mental breakdown, partly because my school was always putting pressure on me as I was a ‘bright’ student.
They said in the meeting ‘what your best was 2 years isn’t what we expect now, your best now is different’. Then they kept on saying that I could sit my GCSEs this year and get a 3, or I could wait and sit next year and still get that 3.
I understand that, however, I’m sure if I sat this year, with 3 months of revision after not being in any form of education for 2 years, as opposed to a whole year of revision, I would be more likely to not get a 3.
In terms of my academic abilities, I’m not as clever as the teachers think I am. This is a big issue, because after not being in for two years, they still don’t understand my abilities, sure they understand a little bit more but still not enough. If they understood my abilities, there’s no way they’d try to convince me I should do my GCSEs this year.
When I went in (y7-9 plus one week of y10) I would get average/good grades, only because I was constantly revising, because of the pressure from the school, which is what led to my burnout.
It’s not like my family put pressure on me, they just say ‘try your best’. Even then, it wasn’t like I got really good grades, mainly average, but it was the fact that I was very big into revising, that’s why people thought I was so clever.
There’s a difference between being intellectual and academically smart. Somehow I am very well read despite my upbringing, my mums neighbour asked if I went to private school when she met me, because of how I come across.
Due to this, a lot of people assume I have the academic intellect to match it.
Teachers especially, which was always frustrating, like just because I know a lot about different things, including education. I’ve always kept myself very well read on education, gcse specs, a level, university with facts and data.
Not to impress anyone, just because I like to have information to make opinions. Also, it helped me to study, that’s one of the tips I’d always see is to learn and understand the education system, because it’s a system at the end of the day.
I would try to explain this to teachers, that I wasn’t as clever as they thought I was but they would just always say I was clever. Which was frustrating, because I’m not, at least not at the level they thought. If we’re talking getting grade 4-6’s, yes I’m clever. If we’re talking getting grade 9s, no I’m not clever. As I say, I would revise constantly, I had no social life, revision was my life, but I still only got 4-6’s because without revising, I would just about scrape a pass.
Also, maths is the one subject I would fail. I was going to get diagnosed with Dyscalculia, but then I stopped going in so it never got diagnosed. Maths is one of the most important subjects I need to pass, it’s required for just about anything.
I know some people might think I’m hard on myself, if I could go into more detail it would make more sense.
I don’t know anything, two years ago I was up to date with everything education, but now I couldn’t tell you anything, i don’t know when the dates are for exams, I don’t know any of the spec, I basically know nothing.
Anyways, what do you think I should do?
After not being in any form of education since Y10 (one month to be exact) ,
Should I take my GCSE’s this year, or wait until next year to sit them.
PS. I can take honesty.