RAF : Officer / Pilot Entry

OnlyOneCanOweMe

Maybe the military isnt for me if they cant take a joke.

Oh, but they can son, they can...

A snippet spotted in Pilot Magazine and entered in Bike Magazine:

The article was entitled "In a hurry are we, sir?" ( British Police Wit).

Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 300 mph.

The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Harrier hurtled over their heads. The boys in blue, upset at the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have been more severe. The Harrier's target-seeker had locked on to the'enemy' radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile attack. Luckily(?) the Harrier was operating unarmed.

Gee Officer, sorry about your patrol car.......

Reply 1384

or how about...

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time.

To mis-quote a GR7 (at the time) pilot.

Reply 1385

or....

Did you hear about the French kamikaze pilot who flew 24 missions?

Heard in a bunker during a bombing alert (NBC Dress Cat4 Romeo) at Ali Al Salem Airbase last year.

Reply 1386

Not RAF, but still funny for jet-jocks...

Santa Claus, upon trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing next to his rig. Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied

"I'm from the CAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection. I'll ride right seat." Santa responded, "With all due respects, sir, I've been doing this flight for over 700 years -- but if you insist, well, let's go." As they both climbed into the sleigh, Santa noticed that the CAA inspector brought his shotgun along with him, placing it in his lap, with his finger on the trigger. Santa queried, "What's the shotgun for?" To which the CAA inspector grumbled, "You're going to lose number two and three on takeoff..."

ROFLMAO

Reply 1387

cwarranto

or....

Did you hear about the French kamikaze pilot who flew 24 missions?

Heard in a bunker during a bombing alert (NBC Dress Cat4 Romeo) at Ali Al Salem Airbase last year.

S'funny you should mention that. There was a documentary on TV a year or so ago and they interviewed Japan's most successful Kamikaze pilot. He had 20+ missions to his credit, each one successful. :eek:

Apparently, the extreme sport of stoofing their aircraft into the conning tower of a submarine, or the bridge of a big boat was only the last resort if their torpedoes missed the target. To die in combat was preferable to going back to base with the shame of missing the target.

(Kamikaze = "Divine Wind"... a useless bit of trivia that may win the pub quiz one night... or maybe not). :confused:

Reply 1388

OnlyOneCanOweMe

I didn't mean to cause offence.

I've decided to go to uni and study law instead.Maybe the military isnt for me if they cant take a joke.

I think you'll find that the military THRIVE on humour, usually in adversity.
Invariably at someone's expense, and quite often your own!

Reply 1389

cwarranto

or....

Heard in a bunker during a bombing alert (NBC Dress Cat4 Romeo) at Ali Al Salem Airbase last year.

Was the 4R significant to the comment, or did it just add to the novelty/humour factor?

Reply 1390

REME-Bod

Was the 4R significant to the comment, or did it just add to the novelty/humour factor?

latter, imagine the effect in tranlation!

Reply 1391

cwarranto

latter, imagine the effect in tranlation!

Result: A few snot bubbles inside an S10. :biggrin:

Like I said, humour in adversity.

Reply 1392

A newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvellous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.

This is an Old one, but I’m sure something similar still happens, in fact this reminds me of a briefing I got from a little old Flt Lt (RAFR) a few years ago at Leeming. She was in charge of community relations for the base before going RAFR (RAF Reserves).

They had a complaint from an irate member of the Welsh community who owned a sheep farm in the hills. It seemed that fly-pasts were becoming more frequent, thus upsetting his sheep (no jokes please).

After investigations by the Snow Drops (RAF Police) it turns out that some weeks earlier he had taken matters into his own hands, during the random flypasts. He painted, in 6 foot high, bright pink, letters, "Piss Off Biggles".

Well, you can imagine some jet jock zooming past going, "WTF?!" and going back for a second glance, only to confirm his suspicions. Later, in the crew room, a story unfolded that was not necessarily believed. Challenges all-round and lots of re-routes during planning over the next few days.

Result: One upset farmer, many upset sheep, one slightly richer pilot, a gaggle of poorer colleagues. For everything else, there's MasterCard!

L O L

REME-Bod

Was the 4R significant to the comment, or did it just add to the novelty/humour factor?

Have you had anyone trying to speak into a telephone they are holding on the LHS of their S10?
PSM is on the RHS so the voice comes out as garbage.
Not that it comes out any better on the other side.
Have you noticed how everyone looks the same in NBC?
I screamed at 'Brian' 'Come on, move it, lazy Bastidge etc etc!!!' on an exercise, full NBC, only to find out 'Brian' wasn't even in my team.
Who the hell had I been shouting at ? No wonder my requests were ignored.
We used to get the FNGs on my old Sqn to turn up at the Photog Section with S10 and NBC Smock to be photographed, 'So we's know what you look like in NBC' Hmmm. A whole photoboard full of gullables..

Reply 1395

Locost Builder

We used to get the FNGs on my old Sqn to turn up at the Photog Section with S10 and NBC Smock to be photographed, 'So we's know what you look like in NBC' Hmmm. A whole photoboard full of gullables..

now THAT is humour.

Like getting a troop of guys to 'bump-start' a generator by pushing it around the parade square... or sending someone to the QM's to get the keys for the indoor grenade range...

Reply 1396

REME-Bod

Just because a person is willing to develop their career it doesn't mean they are less than keen to do their current job. I was under the impression that once you rise to the dizzy heights of management it was amongst your responsibilities to manage the careers and development of your subordinates.
(Something which a lot of junior officers seem to lose sight of).

Oh I know, I wasn't insinuating that at all; I just imagine that if I were posting, someone who was actively choosing an RAF career rather than developing their Army one might not seem like my first choice. I don't know how the Army treat guys looking for commissions, so this is all pure conjecture.

REME-Bod

A lot of career courses within many of the Corps in the Army are 6 months plus, which automatically results in that person being posted out as opposed to detached, thus allowing someone else to fill that slot without an extended gapped period.

Didn't know that; so I assume that the poster won't mind an ongoing OASC application.

Reply 1397

Nikki J S

and we’ll also give you free flying lessons!

God I used to hate it when they said that. Joining a UAS isn't the same as wandering to your local flying club and just not getting a bill.... :rolleyes:

Reply 1398

vikki

*snip*

Congratulations.

And there you all were saying no-one was getting in.... tsk! :rolleyes:

Reply 1399