Nikki J S
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#1381
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#1381
(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
Actually yes! I got my careers presentation thing in Newcastle next month. I'm thinking of going for Intelligence branch but I'm not sure if I should go officer or aircraftman. I don't know if being an officer is too hard but I dont want to be shouted at all the time and do push ups in the mud.

I think that going wearing a leather fling helmet and goggles with a scarf held up with a coathanger in it will impress them. I can't grow a mustache so I might get a big curly one from the costume shop in town.

Your replies, while undoubtedly funny, do poke fun at people on this site, which is a little unkind;although clearly not done in a malicious way.

Good luck with the presentation, hopefully AFCO will be as impressed with a Biggles reincarnation as you'd like them to be :rolleyes:
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Nikki J S
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#1382
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#1382
[QUOTE=wizzcidd]Hi, I know that this has been mentioned various times before onthis forum but I would just like to varify this.
What exactly must sixth form and uni sholarship candidates do when they go to raf cranwell? As I understand it, only the aptitude tests, the medical and the interview.
Just sounds abit easy thats all [/QUOTE

I'm going for 6FS and will just be doing part 1 of selection at Cranwell, which as you rightly point out is the aptitude tests, interview and medical.

I'm not sure the other candidates who have gone through six hours of mentally draining aptitude tests followed by a gruelling interview would consider it the easy bit!! :eek:
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Nikki J S
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#1383
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#1383
(Original post by Jamie_JAGGERS)
Cheers for the advice people, well i sent an e-mail to my local ATC and am waiting for the reply... Hopefully i can get involved with the pilot scholarships scheme, as suggested here thanks agen

Jamie, you could be waiting ages if you rely on e-mail for them to respond to you! Why don't you go and visit and tell them you want to join; they don't bite, and your application will beprocessed immediately!
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cwarranto
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#1384
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#1384
(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
Maybe the military isnt for me if they cant take a joke.
Oh, but they can son, they can...

A snippet spotted in Pilot Magazine and entered in Bike Magazine:

The article was entitled "In a hurry are we, sir?" ( British Police Wit).

Two members of the Lothian and Borders traffic police were out on the Berwickshire moors with a radar gun recently, happily engaged in apprehending speeding motorists, when their equipment suddenly locked-up completely with an unexpected reading of well over 300 mph.

The mystery was explained seconds later as a low flying Harrier hurtled over their heads. The boys in blue, upset at the damage to their radar gun, put in a complaint to the RAF, but were somewhat chastened when the RAF pointed out that the damage might well have been more severe. The Harrier's target-seeker had locked on to the'enemy' radar and triggered an automatic retaliatory air-to-surface missile attack. Luckily(?) the Harrier was operating unarmed.

Gee Officer, sorry about your patrol car.......
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cwarranto
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#1385
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#1385
or how about...

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time.

To mis-quote a GR7 (at the time) pilot.
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cwarranto
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#1386
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#1386
or....

Did you hear about the French kamikaze pilot who flew 24 missions?

Heard in a bunker during a bombing alert (NBC Dress Cat4 Romeo) at Ali Al Salem Airbase last year.
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cwarranto
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#1387
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#1387
Not RAF, but still funny for jet-jocks...

Santa Claus, upon trudging out to his sleigh for his annual night freight trip around the world, was surprised to find a guy with a shotgun standing next to his rig. Santa asked him why he was there. The man replied

"I'm from the CAA, and this is an unscheduled 135 inspection. I'll ride right seat." Santa responded, "With all due respects, sir, I've been doing this flight for over 700 years -- but if you insist, well, let's go." As they both climbed into the sleigh, Santa noticed that the CAA inspector brought his shotgun along with him, placing it in his lap, with his finger on the trigger. Santa queried, "What's the shotgun for?" To which the CAA inspector grumbled, "You're going to lose number two and three on takeoff..."

ROFLMAO
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REME-Bod
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#1388
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#1388
(Original post by cwarranto)
or....

Did you hear about the French kamikaze pilot who flew 24 missions?

Heard in a bunker during a bombing alert (NBC Dress Cat4 Romeo) at Ali Al Salem Airbase last year.

S'funny you should mention that. There was a documentary on TV a year or so ago and they interviewed Japan's most successful Kamikaze pilot. He had 20+ missions to his credit, each one successful. :eek:

Apparently, the extreme sport of stoofing their aircraft into the conning tower of a submarine, or the bridge of a big boat was only the last resort if their torpedoes missed the target. To die in combat was preferable to going back to base with the shame of missing the target.

(Kamikaze = "Divine Wind"... a useless bit of trivia that may win the pub quiz one night... or maybe not). :confused:
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REME-Bod
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#1389
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#1389
(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
I didn't mean to cause offence.

I've decided to go to uni and study law instead.Maybe the military isnt for me if they cant take a joke.
I think you'll find that the military THRIVE on humour, usually in adversity.
Invariably at someone's expense, and quite often your own!
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REME-Bod
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#1390
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#1390
(Original post by cwarranto)
or....

Heard in a bunker during a bombing alert (NBC Dress Cat4 Romeo) at Ali Al Salem Airbase last year.
Was the 4R significant to the comment, or did it just add to the novelty/humour factor?
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cwarranto
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#1391
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#1391
(Original post by REME-Bod)
Was the 4R significant to the comment, or did it just add to the novelty/humour factor?
latter, imagine the effect in tranlation!
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REME-Bod
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#1392
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#1392
(Original post by cwarranto)
latter, imagine the effect in tranlation!
Result: A few snot bubbles inside an S10.

Like I said, humour in adversity.
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cwarranto
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#1393
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#1393
A newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvellous new game. Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots search out a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the water's edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match. Then, the paper reports, "The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it. Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.


This is an Old one, but I’m sure something similar still happens, in fact this reminds me of a briefing I got from a little old Flt Lt (RAFR) a few years ago at Leeming. She was in charge of community relations for the base before going RAFR (RAF Reserves).

They had a complaint from an irate member of the Welsh community who owned a sheep farm in the hills. It seemed that fly-pasts were becoming more frequent, thus upsetting his sheep (no jokes please).

After investigations by the Snow Drops (RAF Police) it turns out that some weeks earlier he had taken matters into his own hands, during the random flypasts. He painted, in 6 foot high, bright pink, letters, "Piss Off Biggles".

Well, you can imagine some jet jock zooming past going, "WTF?!" and going back for a second glance, only to confirm his suspicions. Later, in the crew room, a story unfolded that was not necessarily believed. Challenges all-round and lots of re-routes during planning over the next few days.

Result: One upset farmer, many upset sheep, one slightly richer pilot, a gaggle of poorer colleagues. For everything else, there's MasterCard!
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wizzcidd
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#1394
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#1394
L O L
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Locost Builder
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#1395
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#1395
(Original post by REME-Bod)
Was the 4R significant to the comment, or did it just add to the novelty/humour factor?
Have you had anyone trying to speak into a telephone they are holding on the LHS of their S10?
PSM is on the RHS so the voice comes out as garbage.
Not that it comes out any better on the other side.
Have you noticed how everyone looks the same in NBC?
I screamed at 'Brian' 'Come on, move it, lazy Bastidge etc etc!!!' on an exercise, full NBC, only to find out 'Brian' wasn't even in my team.
Who the hell had I been shouting at ? No wonder my requests were ignored.
We used to get the FNGs on my old Sqn to turn up at the Photog Section with S10 and NBC Smock to be photographed, 'So we's know what you look like in NBC' Hmmm. A whole photoboard full of gullables..
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REME-Bod
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#1396
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#1396
(Original post by Locost Builder)
We used to get the FNGs on my old Sqn to turn up at the Photog Section with S10 and NBC Smock to be photographed, 'So we's know what you look like in NBC' Hmmm. A whole photoboard full of gullables..
now THAT is humour.

Like getting a troop of guys to 'bump-start' a generator by pushing it around the parade square... or sending someone to the QM's to get the keys for the indoor grenade range...
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Wzz
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#1397
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#1397
(Original post by REME-Bod)
Just because a person is willing to develop their career it doesn't mean they are less than keen to do their current job. I was under the impression that once you rise to the dizzy heights of management it was amongst your responsibilities to manage the careers and development of your subordinates.
(Something which a lot of junior officers seem to lose sight of).
Oh I know, I wasn't insinuating that at all; I just imagine that if I were posting, someone who was actively choosing an RAF career rather than developing their Army one might not seem like my first choice. I don't know how the Army treat guys looking for commissions, so this is all pure conjecture.

(Original post by REME-Bod)
A lot of career courses within many of the Corps in the Army are 6 months plus, which automatically results in that person being posted out as opposed to detached, thus allowing someone else to fill that slot without an extended gapped period.
Didn't know that; so I assume that the poster won't mind an ongoing OASC application.
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Wzz
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#1398
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#1398
(Original post by Nikki J S)
and we’ll also give you free flying lessons!
God I used to hate it when they said that. Joining a UAS isn't the same as wandering to your local flying club and just not getting a bill.... :rolleyes:
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Wzz
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#1399
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#1399
(Original post by vikki)
*snip*
Congratulations.

And there you all were saying no-one was getting in.... tsk! :rolleyes:
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Wzz
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#1400
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#1400
(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
As a fast jet pilot, when your up there looping the loop and doing all that fancy stuff for a lot of hours at a time, do you take a packed lunch with you into the cockpit?
Yes, absolutely.

(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
If you do, what is the pilot's preferred lunch box? Do you go for a Power Rangers one or My Little Pony?
Neither; I'm happy with the metal one built into the fabric of the jet that I also tend to leave a few books in.

(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
Who makes your lunch for you?
Some guy in the mess.

(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
Can you also take a tartan flask for your cocoa?
No, but you get a carton of juice in your lunch. Or some water. Nothing pressurised, nothing hot.

(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
Because of all the sensitive electrics and stuff in the plane (aircraft to you Wzz)
Thank you.

(Original post by OnlyOneCanOweMe)
...do you have to remove the tinfoil bit from your Kitkats or is it just easier to take a King Size Yorkie bar and pretend you are a really fast trucker on the run from the traffic cops?
Depends where you were when they gave you lunch; but if you think they're models of sophistication, you haven't seen inside a Hawk or similar Tin foil might resemble chaff but you're alright with your Kitkat.

Last time, they actually gave me a Blue Riband. Remember them? :rolleyes:
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