Personal Statement:Medicine 14

Comments

General Comments:

This personal statement is riddled with poor punctuation and grammar. It shows a lack of clarity and poor communication skills.

There is also no flow to the structure of this statement. There is a lack of clear opening paragraph and the closing paragraph can also be improved. Elsewhere, the paragraphs could be ordered better and there is scope for improvement on the framework of the statement. The paragraphs do have good content and are separate in topics, however.

The author talks a lot about what they have seen other people do but there is little reflection and learning from these experiences. It is imperative to talk about how these experiences have helped you and what you have learnt from them; not just listing what things you have done and seen. While the insight into the career and the qualities of a doctor are brilliant in this statement, they are possibly excessive in content and cause lack of space for other important topics.

Whilst extra-curricular research is mentioned, it is in limited detail. There is also inclusion of irrelevant material. A sentence detailing insight into a certain topic or branch of medicine is not necessitated, but is a good platform from which an interview question can be raised.

Comments on the statement:

During the summer, I spent a week at the Worcester Royal Infirmary a local hospital shadowing a consultant gastroenterologist's firm. This is not a good opening sentence. The opening paragraph should be why you chose medicine as a career path and what initially interested you in it. One should aim to make it an interesting and technically clever sentence so that the reader wants to continue reading out of interest. The week was extremely rewarding and enjoyable. This doesn't add anything to this PS. In particular, I found the chance to spend time with the entire team of doctors to be very useful - I was able to see how the doctors work together for the care of the patients and how they relate to each other. This person uses 3 sentences to say the same thing. You can aim to be more succinct with the wording. The general content of this sentence is acceptable though. I was surprised by the extent of the delegation of work, although I am confident that I would cope well with this. Taking part in ward rounds was also very interesting - especially seeing the different approaches used by each of the doctors. More detail would be useful here. What approaches did the doctors take? Why mention it if it's just vague and brief. On two occasions during the week, a doctor had to speak to the next of kin to discuss the resuscitation status of a patient. The situation of the patients and of the next of kin were both very different; I was impressed by the tact and sensitivity with which the doctor handled both situations and the way in which he was able to adapt his style with such apparent ease. What is the aim of this very long point? All I learnt here is that the doctor was very good at his job and that you observed this. There is little reflection and not much has been learnt from the experience. Throughout the week, I experienced first-hand the pressures on the junior doctors; after ward rounds, there was a constant stream of other jobs to be done. Again, very vague and not talking about themselves. The author continues to talk about others and how he has observed their job. Although they found tasks like fitting Venflons to be routine, I was fascinated - perhaps this is something that will wear off given time. Is it wise to mention that your fascination for medicine will wear off given time? In addition to the week I spent at the Worcester Royal Infirmary, since February, I have been waiting for a volunteer placement to become available at the hospital. I hope to work as a patient visitor and believe that this will allow me to experience medicine from the a patient's perspective. This is good. Whilst the work experience has not been done yet, there is already a good idea of what might be learnt and how it could be useful.

Also, in Easter 2001, I attended a Medisix sixth form conference at the University of Nottingham. I found the speaker on paediatric surgery particularly interesting. She remarked how at the beginning of her career, she had reconnected two lengths of gut for the first time in a live patient - fortunately, I will be able to practice the technique before having to apply it to a real patient. One more, the author talks about other people and what they have done. This really tells me nothing apart from that this person went to a course (something ascertained in the very first sentence). There is also no need to get ahead of one's self. Talking about surgical techniques in a PS is probably a risky option. In June 2001, I took part in a seminar on medical ethics in Oxford. Among the speakers was Peter Garret. assistant director of Life. He was vehemently opposed to all forms of embryo research and most modern reproductive technologies. A pattern is developing: another occasion where this statement is talking about someone else in more detail than the author themselves.

Although I agreed with him in many respects, I was alarmed by his assertion that it would be preferable for the human race to become extinct, rather than use IVF to cope with rising levels of infertility. This should not be a separate paragraph. Nor should it include this much detail about something that does not add much to this statement. It is an excellent point to expand upon in interview but taking up 4 sentences for this is excessive.

I enjoy reading and keeping up to date with current affairs; I subscribe to New Scientist and National Geographic and regularly read articles from the BMJ. National Geographic? In a medicine personal statement? Maybe BMJ and New Scientist are better examples. Others could include the NEJM or the sBMJ. although I find some of the research papers quite technical given my current level of learning. There is no need to mention this. Read papers that are understandable. Reading an article on the biochemistry of steroid hormones, for example, is impressive, only if you understand it in the first place. Nevertheless, I enjoy reading the letters and opinion articles. It is well worth mentioning a particular are of interest. Maybe say you are interested in the treatment of Hepatitis C (if you are) and mention an article or research surrounding this.

The variety of my sixth form timetable has been interesting, especially the health and disease module of biology. It is not pertinent to medicine to mention the variety of your sixth form timetable. I would enjoy learning and am particularly attracted to medicine by its variety and constant change. Somewhat clichéd, but acceptable. My success in school life has been reflected in my becoming a school prefect. In year 12, I was managing director of a successful Young Enterprise (YE) company; as a group we won an award for innovation and I won a prize for outstanding individual contribution. YE was a brilliant experience - the undoubted highlight of the year was the trade fair at which we launched our custom search service, the only one of its kind in the county (country?). Also, as a result of YE, I feel that I was able to greatly improve my leadership and presentation skills. This is good. Mentioning the development of skills via extra-curricular activities is a good method. I am also currently a Flight Sergeant in the RAF section of the school CCF. What is CCF? Don't use abbreviations unless they are really really obvious. The RAF has enabled me to shoot regularly and I have also been able to complete a gliding scholarship. Shoot? Nevertheless, this is a good account of extra-curricular activity. I have also been involved in the school charities committee for a number of years. In the past, I have been involved in the school magazine and drama behind the scenes. Doing what? Be more detailed or leave it out. Don't just mention things for the sake of it. I have represented my school in the national "Top of the Bench" and regional Canning chemistry competitions on two occasions each. I have also competed in general knowledge and rugby and even, once, cross-country running. A list of activities, none of which are related to each other. Mentioning something you've done once in your PS is never a good idea. I intend to maintain a high level of involvement whilst at university and believe that I would make a valuable contribution to the student body. This sentence would be better suited to a final paragraph.

I have seen and experienced the pressures facing the doctors of today: from the problems of finding beds for new patients or to care home places for elderly patients ready to be discharged to the struggle of keeping track of a ward round involving dozens of patients spread across several different wards. This is an example of extremely poor English grammar. The sentence is too long, too complicated and too boring. It doesn't make any sense and there is no flow to it. I am confident that I will be able to cope and I firmly believe that I will make a good doctor. Why? Try to list 2 or 3 of your best qualities in your last sentence to give a more dynamic picture about why you will make a good doctor. Remember that this is a really important sentence. It's the last sentence the tutor will read before deciding on your PS.