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Honestly, your only real chance of making this work is to go on a break between now and next year when you move to the uni town. This will take all the pressure off of him and stop him resenting you as he currently obviously does.
You will now get advice from a load of hopeless girls who think you will be able to talk him round, but actually this will just make things worse and irreparable.
You will now get advice from a load of hopeless girls who think you will be able to talk him round, but actually this will just make things worse and irreparable.
Original post by HistoryRepeating
Honestly, your only real chance of making this work is to go on a break between now and next year when you move to the uni town. This will take all the pressure off of him and stop him resenting you as he currently obviously does.
You will now get advice from a load of hopeless girls who think you will be able to talk him round, but actually this will just make things worse and irreparable.
You will now get advice from a load of hopeless girls who think you will be able to talk him round, but actually this will just make things worse and irreparable.
Honestly, I just think you're a very sad and bitter person and your only contributions to this thread have been miserable and pessimistic. Not all LDRs end in a break up and not all couples are willing to give up so easily when they want to fight for something that they think is worth it.
I'm the writer of the anonymous post (screw anonymity, nobody I know will read this!) and I've already suggested to my boyfriend that we take a break between now and university and he absolutely refused to do so because he loves me. He said it would be even more of a distraction to break up because he would be heartbroken for much of the year.
Going on a break won't make all the problems disappear, it won't make either of us any happier so what would be the point of it? We've always communicated effectively in the past to overcome our problems, it's just harder now because we rarely see each other face to face and he's awful at talking over the computer or via text.
Original post by thatholliegirl
Honestly, I just think you're a very sad and bitter person and your only contributions to this thread have been miserable and pessimistic. Not all LDRs end in a break up and not all couples are willing to give up so easily when they want to fight for something that they think is worth it.
Not all, no. Probably more like 95%. A friend of mine recently married a girl he has been seeing since the age of 16, all through university, so 3 years apart! Literally every other couple in my college broke up though. Make that 98%.
I'm the writer of the anonymous post (screw anonymity, nobody I know will read this!) and I've already suggested to my boyfriend that we take a break between now and university and he absolutely refused to do so because he loves me. He said it would be even more of a distraction to break up because he would be heartbroken for much of the year.
Congratulations. Lets see where you are in 3 years time (my predicition: bitter and single)
Going on a break won't make all the problems disappear, it won't make either of us any happier so what would be the point of it? We've always communicated effectively in the past to overcome our problems, it's just harder now because we rarely see each other face to face and he's awful at talking over the computer or via text.
Trust me, if keeping in touch is unpleasant / difficult then its not going to work.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by HistoryRepeating
Congratulations. Lets see where you are in 3 years time (my predicition: bitter and single)
Trust me, if keeping in touch is unpleasant / difficult then its not going to work.
Congratulations. Lets see where you are in 3 years time (my predicition: bitter and single)
Trust me, if keeping in touch is unpleasant / difficult then its not going to work.
And you're the expert on this because ... ? You must have a very sad and lonely life if you spend your day trolling internet forums trying to make everyone as miserable as you are. There's no point taking any of your advice as a sensible suggestion as thankfully neither I nor my boyfriend are anything like you so it's simply not relevant.
I don't understand why you're even commenting on this thread when you clearly don't believe that LDRs work (most of the time) and you're poisoning what is normally a very helpful thread with your bitterness.
Where I am in three years is of no interest to you. Maybe I'll still be with my boyfriend, maybe I won't. One thing I know for certain is that I definitely won't be as bitter and disenchanted with relationships as you clearly are.
I don't usually like feeding the trolls, but I'm not quite sure just exactly what you're getting out of being so horrible to people, HR. I mean, fair enough if you (or your friends) have had bad experiences of long-distance relationships, but it simply isn't fair to tar everyone with the same brush. Out of my circle of friends, for example, there's more people whose relationships survived long-distance because of university than those who broke up because of it.
Even if you don't agree with my anecedotal evidence (I know I don't agree with yours... nor the fact that you've made a general rule out of it), why poison a helpful thread? How people choose to conduct their relationships has no bearing on you, after all.
Even if you don't agree with my anecedotal evidence (I know I don't agree with yours... nor the fact that you've made a general rule out of it), why poison a helpful thread? How people choose to conduct their relationships has no bearing on you, after all.
Original post by HistoryRepeating
Not all, no. Probably more like 95%. A friend of mine recently married a girl he has been seeing since the age of 16, all through university, so 3 years apart! Literally every other couple in my college broke up though. Make that 98%.
Congratulations. Lets see where you are in 3 years time (my predicition: bitter and single)
Trust me, if keeping in touch is unpleasant / difficult then its not going to work.
Congratulations. Lets see where you are in 3 years time (my predicition: bitter and single)
Trust me, if keeping in touch is unpleasant / difficult then its not going to work.
Although I think you're going the wrong way about getting your point across, and your figures are actually really wrong (i'm sure one of the long LDR gurus on here will come along and post the link i'm thinking of that i've seen posted here before - it's a lot less than 95%) you are right in that if you're having difficulty keeping in touch now then chances are it's going to get worse at uni - and you don't want to have any spiteful emotions surrounding contacting each other otherwise the relationship will become a drain not something that you love.
I get really annoyed when people use statistics when they argue that LDRs at uni don't work. First off, unless these stats include EVERY SINGLE uni-LDR couple in the country and such surveys are carried out properly, they mean NOTHING to me. Your own experiences regarding couples you know, also mean nothing to me (HistoryRepeating, this is directed at you mainly). Neither statistics nor stories tell me anything about whether or not my LDR is going to work out. At the end of the day, it comes down to you and the person you're with. Yes LDRs (particularly LDRs when both people are at university) are probably always going to be difficult, but if both people are committed and truly love each other then I don't see why it can't work? I'm more than a month into my LDR (both of us are at different unis), and although I'm sure we both feel insecure occasionally, nothing has changed in terms of our personalities and how much we love one another. And although we're both busy, I can tell he's always genuinely happy to hear from me. This is not to say that we won't break up eventually, but if things keep going the way they are now, then I can't see why we would drift apart really.
ANYWAY, back to the point of this thread, helping others.
thatholliegirl, I'm really sorry you're going through this and I know how hard it must be. When people go off to uni they often do need quite a bit of time to adjust and settle in, so over this period it's normal if there's a considerable decrease in contact from their side. As long as they are genuinely pleased to hear from you though and the quality of conversation hasn't altered too much, there should be nothing to worry about, even if you find you're the one making most of the effort to begin with. However, the problem with your situation, from what you've told us, is he doesn't sound like he's keen on keeping in touch at all. If you've noticed a big change in the way he is when you do speak to him, then it's probably not good news. I would advise you to maybe give him a bit of space by not contacting him for a while and try to keep yourself busy with other things. If he does genuinely want to be with you, he'll come around. Good luck!
ANYWAY, back to the point of this thread, helping others.
thatholliegirl, I'm really sorry you're going through this and I know how hard it must be. When people go off to uni they often do need quite a bit of time to adjust and settle in, so over this period it's normal if there's a considerable decrease in contact from their side. As long as they are genuinely pleased to hear from you though and the quality of conversation hasn't altered too much, there should be nothing to worry about, even if you find you're the one making most of the effort to begin with. However, the problem with your situation, from what you've told us, is he doesn't sound like he's keen on keeping in touch at all. If you've noticed a big change in the way he is when you do speak to him, then it's probably not good news. I would advise you to maybe give him a bit of space by not contacting him for a while and try to keep yourself busy with other things. If he does genuinely want to be with you, he'll come around. Good luck!
Hey there.
Me and my guy both went to uni about 6 weeks ago now (different ones, although relatively close), and when it first started he was being really attentive, sending me sweet texts etc. now it's all died down, he's getting a little unresponsive and I feel I'm the one doing quite a lot of the work - we still talk but I feel like Im always initiating skype convos, texting him etc.
I know deep down he still cares for me, because he's the kind of person that would say if there was a problem. I also know he needs to live his own life too, and that's obviously fine with me because I'm trying to do the same. I just want a bit more effort from his side sometimes.. I feel a little deflated at the moment, like when I'm waiting for his replies and stuff, I just get the feeling he thinks I'm just going to be here and it doesn't matter whether he gets in contact or not.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
Me and my guy both went to uni about 6 weeks ago now (different ones, although relatively close), and when it first started he was being really attentive, sending me sweet texts etc. now it's all died down, he's getting a little unresponsive and I feel I'm the one doing quite a lot of the work - we still talk but I feel like Im always initiating skype convos, texting him etc.
I know deep down he still cares for me, because he's the kind of person that would say if there was a problem. I also know he needs to live his own life too, and that's obviously fine with me because I'm trying to do the same. I just want a bit more effort from his side sometimes.. I feel a little deflated at the moment, like when I'm waiting for his replies and stuff, I just get the feeling he thinks I'm just going to be here and it doesn't matter whether he gets in contact or not.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey there.
Me and my guy both went to uni about 6 weeks ago now (different ones, although relatively close), and when it first started he was being really attentive, sending me sweet texts etc. now it's all died down, he's getting a little unresponsive and I feel I'm the one doing quite a lot of the work - we still talk but I feel like Im always initiating skype convos, texting him etc.
I know deep down he still cares for me, because he's the kind of person that would say if there was a problem. I also know he needs to live his own life too, and that's obviously fine with me because I'm trying to do the same. I just want a bit more effort from his side sometimes.. I feel a little deflated at the moment, like when I'm waiting for his replies and stuff, I just get the feeling he thinks I'm just going to be here and it doesn't matter whether he gets in contact or not.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
Me and my guy both went to uni about 6 weeks ago now (different ones, although relatively close), and when it first started he was being really attentive, sending me sweet texts etc. now it's all died down, he's getting a little unresponsive and I feel I'm the one doing quite a lot of the work - we still talk but I feel like Im always initiating skype convos, texting him etc.
I know deep down he still cares for me, because he's the kind of person that would say if there was a problem. I also know he needs to live his own life too, and that's obviously fine with me because I'm trying to do the same. I just want a bit more effort from his side sometimes.. I feel a little deflated at the moment, like when I'm waiting for his replies and stuff, I just get the feeling he thinks I'm just going to be here and it doesn't matter whether he gets in contact or not.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
Hey hey hey... Not all guys do this. Look at me. I'm in uni, my girl friend is back home finishing her high school. (please pray she comes to my uni next year, she's applied here too.. it'll be wonderful won't it?
)University comes with a lot of work load. But I do manage to take out time for her. Like I'm always free for her whenever she needs me. We're like in totally different time zones (she's +4 GMT), but I try my best to be there for her whenever she needs me. I rarely go to parties here. Why? Because people here just want to get drunk and have a good night in bed lol. Neither do I drink or smoke (training and sports literally stop me from doing so).
Ok sorry for rambling, but I get to talk to her for max an hour a day. I usually text her to call me, and at times when she's missing me she calls me. Whenever there's a problem, we TALK about it. I cannot emphasize the importance of communication in an LDR. Trust me, I would really appreciate it if you told your bf what you're feeling. I'm sure he'll understand
Original post by Anonymous
Hey there.
Me and my guy both went to uni about 6 weeks ago now (different ones, although relatively close), and when it first started he was being really attentive, sending me sweet texts etc. now it's all died down, he's getting a little unresponsive and I feel I'm the one doing quite a lot of the work - we still talk but I feel like Im always initiating skype convos, texting him etc.
I know deep down he still cares for me, because he's the kind of person that would say if there was a problem. I also know he needs to live his own life too, and that's obviously fine with me because I'm trying to do the same. I just want a bit more effort from his side sometimes.. I feel a little deflated at the moment, like when I'm waiting for his replies and stuff, I just get the feeling he thinks I'm just going to be here and it doesn't matter whether he gets in contact or not.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
Me and my guy both went to uni about 6 weeks ago now (different ones, although relatively close), and when it first started he was being really attentive, sending me sweet texts etc. now it's all died down, he's getting a little unresponsive and I feel I'm the one doing quite a lot of the work - we still talk but I feel like Im always initiating skype convos, texting him etc.
I know deep down he still cares for me, because he's the kind of person that would say if there was a problem. I also know he needs to live his own life too, and that's obviously fine with me because I'm trying to do the same. I just want a bit more effort from his side sometimes.. I feel a little deflated at the moment, like when I'm waiting for his replies and stuff, I just get the feeling he thinks I'm just going to be here and it doesn't matter whether he gets in contact or not.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
i feel like i have just read something i wrote
Moving away made me realise how much I care for the guy I'm seeing. It hurt so badly and he was constantly on my mind. He didn't show any of the same feelings for me though. At first I didn't take it too much to heart because he's always been like that - he keeps his feelings to himself, just showing glimpses at times.
I kept reaching out to him though. And kept getting little to nothing back. So I've stopped reaching. I think I'm past trying. If we were still close by and I was seeing him almost every day as I used to, I would still care about him greatly. But after getting nothing at all from him, after being shown no emotion or care whatsoever, I'm losing my feelings for him. How can I show and give so much love to someone, not get any back and still feel the same way? At first, I did. it just hurt. But now it's beyond the point of hurt. I'm just done. I'm going to stop throwing myself at him, throwing all my feelings at him. if he doesn't want me, doesn't want to work for me, then I'm not going to be on call for him for whenevr it feels like for him.
Mmm, that feels better getting that off my chest.
I kept reaching out to him though. And kept getting little to nothing back. So I've stopped reaching. I think I'm past trying. If we were still close by and I was seeing him almost every day as I used to, I would still care about him greatly. But after getting nothing at all from him, after being shown no emotion or care whatsoever, I'm losing my feelings for him. How can I show and give so much love to someone, not get any back and still feel the same way? At first, I did. it just hurt. But now it's beyond the point of hurt. I'm just done. I'm going to stop throwing myself at him, throwing all my feelings at him. if he doesn't want me, doesn't want to work for me, then I'm not going to be on call for him for whenevr it feels like for him.
Mmm, that feels better getting that off my chest.
Original post by Anonymous
I need some advice I've been with my boyfriend for just under two years now and he's just started university and I'm on a gap year. I'm planning on going to the same university next year (partly to be with him, partly because I love the course).
We basically lived together for the past year and a half as his mum was working away a lot so we had free reign of his house. It was very difficult going from seeing him every day to once every two weeks but I'm coping and I'm beginning to adjust to life without him.
However, I know one of the major factors in making a LDR work is communication and I don't feel like he tries enough to make time for me. He hardly replies to my texts, he doesn't call when he says he will. He has thousands of free minutes and I'd be happy with just a five minute phone call a day but he doesn't bother unless it is convenient to him (either he's bored or he's walking home from uni and doesn't have any headphone his iPod or it's 4am and he is walking home drunk).
We talk on Skype but the conversations mostly consist of me talking and him occasionally replying with monosyllabic answers with massive pauses in between my question and his answer. We've made plans to have a "Skype date" and he cancelled at the last minute because one of his friends invited him out. This was on the night that I found out I was pregnant (due to faulty contraception) and I begged him to stay home with me because I was frightened and he still went out. He did eventually come home after I sent him a very angry text message but he was drunk and we ended up arguing.
I confronted him about all of this and he said the reason he doesn't talk to me very much is because I'm always planning when I can next see him (?) so I took his advice on board and made an effort to make our conversations fun and lighthearted but he still barely speaks to me.
I can't talk to him about any problems I'm facing because he makes me feel bad for "inconveniencing him at a bad time" but there's never seems to be any time that is appropriate for me to actually talk to him. If he has a problem, I do my best to try and solve it or at least comfort him as much as I can. If I have a problem, he makes me feel so guilty for moaning to him about it that I actually hide so much stuff from him now. He got angry when he found out I was seeking advice with my problems from another close (guy) friend but who else am I meant to talk to when my boyfriend makes no time to help me?
I'm at the end of my tether. I don't know whether he's in the wrong or I'm in the wrong or it is a combination of both. I'm sick of going out of my way to accommodate him (giving up job offers that will interfere with the time I get to see him, cancelling plans to spend time trying to get him to talk to me on Skype) and getting nothing back in return. I feel so unwanted and lonely.
If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated! I'm tearing my hair out trying to figure out how to fix this. I sometimes wonder whether it would just be better to end things but I really don't want to.
I've been with my boyfriend for just under two years now and he's just started university and I'm on a gap year. I'm planning on going to the same university next year (partly to be with him, partly because I love the course). We basically lived together for the past year and a half as his mum was working away a lot so we had free reign of his house. It was very difficult going from seeing him every day to once every two weeks but I'm coping and I'm beginning to adjust to life without him.
However, I know one of the major factors in making a LDR work is communication and I don't feel like he tries enough to make time for me. He hardly replies to my texts, he doesn't call when he says he will. He has thousands of free minutes and I'd be happy with just a five minute phone call a day but he doesn't bother unless it is convenient to him (either he's bored or he's walking home from uni and doesn't have any headphone his iPod or it's 4am and he is walking home drunk).
We talk on Skype but the conversations mostly consist of me talking and him occasionally replying with monosyllabic answers with massive pauses in between my question and his answer. We've made plans to have a "Skype date" and he cancelled at the last minute because one of his friends invited him out. This was on the night that I found out I was pregnant (due to faulty contraception) and I begged him to stay home with me because I was frightened and he still went out. He did eventually come home after I sent him a very angry text message but he was drunk and we ended up arguing.
I confronted him about all of this and he said the reason he doesn't talk to me very much is because I'm always planning when I can next see him (?) so I took his advice on board and made an effort to make our conversations fun and lighthearted but he still barely speaks to me.
I can't talk to him about any problems I'm facing because he makes me feel bad for "inconveniencing him at a bad time" but there's never seems to be any time that is appropriate for me to actually talk to him. If he has a problem, I do my best to try and solve it or at least comfort him as much as I can. If I have a problem, he makes me feel so guilty for moaning to him about it that I actually hide so much stuff from him now. He got angry when he found out I was seeking advice with my problems from another close (guy) friend but who else am I meant to talk to when my boyfriend makes no time to help me?
I'm at the end of my tether. I don't know whether he's in the wrong or I'm in the wrong or it is a combination of both. I'm sick of going out of my way to accommodate him (giving up job offers that will interfere with the time I get to see him, cancelling plans to spend time trying to get him to talk to me on Skype) and getting nothing back in return. I feel so unwanted and lonely.
If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice, it would be greatly appreciated! I'm tearing my hair out trying to figure out how to fix this. I sometimes wonder whether it would just be better to end things but I really don't want to.
This may sound a little harsh, but your boyfriend sounds like a complete dickhead. People are telling you that he's just settling in etc. but for him to go out when you tell him you're pregnant and scared and to then argue with you later on is absolutely bang out of order. You can expect guys that have been with a girl for less than 6 months to do a runner when he finds out but after nearly 2 years is ****ing childish. I know he hasn't exactly done a runner but he isn't exactly supporting you in any way. Do you know if you're going to keep the child? This could affect whether you try to stick it out with him or not.
I don't know if any of this has helped but I hope that all works out for you in the end
P.S. I watched the film 'He's Just Not That Into You' earlier and think it may be a good film for you to watch
Not saying that he's the title of the film but I dunno, it may help (edited 13 years ago)
I think I've fallen for someone who lives 91 miles away. For those who are kind enough to help me, thank you. Here's my dilemma.
About 4 months ago, I wanted to find out what all the fuss was about on Chatroulette, so I went on it for the first (and last) time. During the short time I was on it, I met a guy called Tom, and we got on really well. This is where it started.
We spoke more and more frequently on msn, facebook, and eventually texts. After a month or so we started to call each other, and for months now we speak regularly by texts or calling, every day. The problem is, he lives 91 miles away from me!
Because we liked each other so much, yesterday we finally met up in the middle! We had the best day, loved seeing each other... I won't bore you with the details but we had such a lovely day, went out to the cinema, meal, shopped, etc. When we were together we acted as though we were a couple, even though we both understand we can't have a proper relationship because the distance is silly. He has suggested having an open relationship, or 'friends with benefits', but I don't know...
I don't know what to do. Do I continue talking and meeting up with this boy, even though we won't see each other much, and we can't have a proper relationship? It is pursuing something that will potentially not come to much, but should I just enjoy it while it lasts? When I am with him, or speak to him, he makes me really happy, but realistically I don't know if this is a good idea. Also, my dad who I live with has no idea I know him, or met up with him, so I either need to be very secretive or tell him somehow (and he is very strict, so I'd have to make it sound not so bad).
Also, he is so nice, and so good looking, he is bound to at some point fall for someone else who actually lives closer... he's had several girlfriends already. The thing is, he seems to (for some reason) really like me.
If you could give your advice, or if you're in a similar situation, I would really really appreciate it. Any questions you want to ask if I've not said enough, go ahead and I'll reply soon! I'll rep anyone who can help, thank you.
xxxxxxxx
About 4 months ago, I wanted to find out what all the fuss was about on Chatroulette, so I went on it for the first (and last) time. During the short time I was on it, I met a guy called Tom, and we got on really well. This is where it started.
We spoke more and more frequently on msn, facebook, and eventually texts. After a month or so we started to call each other, and for months now we speak regularly by texts or calling, every day. The problem is, he lives 91 miles away from me!
Because we liked each other so much, yesterday we finally met up in the middle! We had the best day, loved seeing each other... I won't bore you with the details but we had such a lovely day, went out to the cinema, meal, shopped, etc. When we were together we acted as though we were a couple, even though we both understand we can't have a proper relationship because the distance is silly. He has suggested having an open relationship, or 'friends with benefits', but I don't know...
I don't know what to do. Do I continue talking and meeting up with this boy, even though we won't see each other much, and we can't have a proper relationship? It is pursuing something that will potentially not come to much, but should I just enjoy it while it lasts? When I am with him, or speak to him, he makes me really happy, but realistically I don't know if this is a good idea. Also, my dad who I live with has no idea I know him, or met up with him, so I either need to be very secretive or tell him somehow (and he is very strict, so I'd have to make it sound not so bad).
Also, he is so nice, and so good looking, he is bound to at some point fall for someone else who actually lives closer... he's had several girlfriends already. The thing is, he seems to (for some reason) really like me.
If you could give your advice, or if you're in a similar situation, I would really really appreciate it. Any questions you want to ask if I've not said enough, go ahead and I'll reply soon! I'll rep anyone who can help, thank you.
xxxxxxxx
Original post by Anonymous
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
I have exactly the same feeling! It feels as though I am putting in all the effort, and I'll text him and get a text back 4 or 5 hours later. He is at Oxford, so I know that it is genuinely because he is really busy, but it seems right now that he can't even take a minute out to send a text! The other night he hadn't text me back for ages, and he was in his friend's room with a bunch of other people..definitely could have made the time then!
I think that as long as you keep making the effort for now, it will all be fine. When you next see him tell him that you have been feeling like this and that you feel as though you are making the effort all the time. Then hopefully he might step up that little bit? Hope it goes well
Original post by Anonymous
Hey there.
Me and my guy both went to uni about 6 weeks ago now (different ones, although relatively close), and when it first started he was being really attentive, sending me sweet texts etc. now it's all died down, he's getting a little unresponsive and I feel I'm the one doing quite a lot of the work - we still talk but I feel like Im always initiating skype convos, texting him etc.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
Me and my guy both went to uni about 6 weeks ago now (different ones, although relatively close), and when it first started he was being really attentive, sending me sweet texts etc. now it's all died down, he's getting a little unresponsive and I feel I'm the one doing quite a lot of the work - we still talk but I feel like Im always initiating skype convos, texting him etc.
You think he's just being a typical guy? Is there anyone who's had similar? I love him to bits and I don't want our relationship to fall into bad habits, because I believe we're a strong pair and things were fine a couple of weeks back.
Same thing happened to me and my b/f just as we went to uni, and also happened in second year. and is sort of happening now (third year).
Well saying that one term it was him, one term it was me....we all have our wobbly moments. but at the end of the day if you both want it to work it can. I think you should not push him because uni is an exciting time and it is important to have your own lives.
but maybe you should let him know you're feeling a bit like this.
guys can be so insensitive sometimes n just don't know how you're feeling.
i'm sure if you let him know he will sort himself out.
n you are probably going to have ups n downs but just try and stay strong n keep going.
i love uni and it's been amazing but being in a long distance (i'm very south england, he's up north lol) has been horrible at times but in many ways it has meant i've become more independent but also appreciate our r-ship more when we are together.
bit sleepy so sorry if this makes no sense! but talk to him and i hope it all works out for you guys. im sure it will
xxxxxxxxx
I, uh. I'm not particularly proud of my lack of common sense, but I've been talking with a guy through IM. He's an American, I'm English, so we're unbelievably far away from each other. The thing is, the more we talk, the more I like him. I just uh, wanted to ask whether anyone here has any experience with starting a relationship before you meet? Or whether it would be better to meet up with him and then see where things go? Just for the record, I'm not looking for advice on internet safety, we're both adults, but I was just wondering, would this work, if we met up very occasionally (difficulties with finances) and lived separately, or would one of us have to move in with/near to the other?
(edited 12 years ago)
Original post by pippa90
P.S. I watched the film 'He's Just Not That Into You' earlier and think it may be a good film for you to watch Not saying that he's the title of the film but I dunno, it may help
P.S. I watched the film 'He's Just Not That Into You' earlier and think it may be a good film for you to watch
Not saying that he's the title of the film but I dunno, it may help your post was probably useful.
but this film is quite possibly the worst film ever made.... and probably enjoyed by people who read dating books....
Original post by moshing-fairy
your post was probably useful.
but this film is quite possibly the worst film ever made.... and probably enjoyed by people who read dating books....
but this film is quite possibly the worst film ever made.... and probably enjoyed by people who read dating books....
Lol I enjoyed it, and it was originally a book anyway
i could do with advice:
i'm in a LDR. we met at uni, and were together the whole 3 years of uni. now that uni has finished we have moved home, which is just over a 2 hour drive away from each other. the worst part though.. we both have full time jobs, but they both involve evening, weekends.. and are basically both random hours. this means that our days off rarely fall on the same days. since we saw each other so much at uni, i'm getting very frustrated with only seeing him once every 1-2 weeks, and only for 2 days at the most. i'm thinking of breaking up with him, because i feel as if i'm trying to detatch myself from him so that i'm not as sad that i can't see him much. this means when he visits i feel distant, and not coupley at all. i don't feel the same as i used to, but i don't know whether this is just the distance to blame, and am so confused at what to do
i'm in a LDR. we met at uni, and were together the whole 3 years of uni. now that uni has finished we have moved home, which is just over a 2 hour drive away from each other. the worst part though.. we both have full time jobs, but they both involve evening, weekends.. and are basically both random hours. this means that our days off rarely fall on the same days. since we saw each other so much at uni, i'm getting very frustrated with only seeing him once every 1-2 weeks, and only for 2 days at the most. i'm thinking of breaking up with him, because i feel as if i'm trying to detatch myself from him so that i'm not as sad that i can't see him much. this means when he visits i feel distant, and not coupley at all. i don't feel the same as i used to, but i don't know whether this is just the distance to blame, and am so confused at what to do
Original post by Anonymous
I think I've fallen for someone who lives 91 miles away. For those who are kind enough to help me, thank you. Here's my dilemma.
About 4 months ago, I wanted to find out what all the fuss was about on Chatroulette, so I went on it for the first (and last) time. During the short time I was on it, I met a guy called Tom, and we got on really well. This is where it started.
We spoke more and more frequently on msn, facebook, and eventually texts. After a month or so we started to call each other, and for months now we speak regularly by texts or calling, every day. The problem is, he lives 91 miles away from me!
Because we liked each other so much, yesterday we finally met up in the middle! We had the best day, loved seeing each other... I won't bore you with the details but we had such a lovely day, went out to the cinema, meal, shopped, etc. When we were together we acted as though we were a couple, even though we both understand we can't have a proper relationship because the distance is silly. He has suggested having an open relationship, or 'friends with benefits', but I don't know...
I don't know what to do. Do I continue talking and meeting up with this boy, even though we won't see each other much, and we can't have a proper relationship? It is pursuing something that will potentially not come to much, but should I just enjoy it while it lasts? When I am with him, or speak to him, he makes me really happy, but realistically I don't know if this is a good idea. Also, my dad who I live with has no idea I know him, or met up with him, so I either need to be very secretive or tell him somehow (and he is very strict, so I'd have to make it sound not so bad).
Also, he is so nice, and so good looking, he is bound to at some point fall for someone else who actually lives closer... he's had several girlfriends already. The thing is, he seems to (for some reason) really like me.
If you could give your advice, or if you're in a similar situation, I would really really appreciate it. Any questions you want to ask if I've not said enough, go ahead and I'll reply soon! I'll rep anyone who can help, thank you.
xxxxxxxx
About 4 months ago, I wanted to find out what all the fuss was about on Chatroulette, so I went on it for the first (and last) time. During the short time I was on it, I met a guy called Tom, and we got on really well. This is where it started.
We spoke more and more frequently on msn, facebook, and eventually texts. After a month or so we started to call each other, and for months now we speak regularly by texts or calling, every day. The problem is, he lives 91 miles away from me!
Because we liked each other so much, yesterday we finally met up in the middle! We had the best day, loved seeing each other... I won't bore you with the details but we had such a lovely day, went out to the cinema, meal, shopped, etc. When we were together we acted as though we were a couple, even though we both understand we can't have a proper relationship because the distance is silly. He has suggested having an open relationship, or 'friends with benefits', but I don't know...
I don't know what to do. Do I continue talking and meeting up with this boy, even though we won't see each other much, and we can't have a proper relationship? It is pursuing something that will potentially not come to much, but should I just enjoy it while it lasts? When I am with him, or speak to him, he makes me really happy, but realistically I don't know if this is a good idea. Also, my dad who I live with has no idea I know him, or met up with him, so I either need to be very secretive or tell him somehow (and he is very strict, so I'd have to make it sound not so bad).
Also, he is so nice, and so good looking, he is bound to at some point fall for someone else who actually lives closer... he's had several girlfriends already. The thing is, he seems to (for some reason) really like me.
If you could give your advice, or if you're in a similar situation, I would really really appreciate it. Any questions you want to ask if I've not said enough, go ahead and I'll reply soon! I'll rep anyone who can help, thank you.
xxxxxxxx
This sounds almost like me and my girlfriend, like very similar circumstances. We went for it, and a year down the line we're still going fine
Although, my gf lives about 150 miles away, just got back from staying with her for a week. IMO a LDR brings you closer to your partner, as you treasure the time you spend with said person and enjoy it more when you're together with them. On the flipside, its difficult inbetween seeing each other, but as long as you maintain talking to each other with random phonecalls and stuff its fine
FYI, me and my GF met halfway for 4 hours, in Carlisle, acted the same way, as a couple and stuff. But we're not friends with benefits, defo not, I'd rather be very close or just friends =/. And we're very close xD
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