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How to comfort people who've been rejected from unis? :S

Hi guys,

As it's UCAS season, and I see the unis have started their brutal December cuts, what would be the best ways to comfort people who've been rejected by unis, particularly if it's their first choice uni?

By 'people' I mean:

-Boyfriends/girlfriends
-Friends (boys/girls)
-Those 'acquaintances' who aren't really friends but you hang out/chat with them sometimes :tongue:

Any advice/anecdotes on this issue if you've been in a similar situation will be greatly, greatly appreciated :smile:

Thank you!!

Sarah xx

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Reply 1

kat2pult

Boyfriends/girlfriends; all you can do is say that it's the university who has lost out, and they'll still have a great time at another place. Then try to find positives about that place, like it's closer to home, it's cheaper, prettier, etc. Say 'it doesn't matter where you are, we'll work something out'.

Friends, I guess do the same, just try to convince them it's not the end of the world.

Reply 2

greeneyedgirl

Always very tricky, and trust me it wont get easier.

If you know someone has just missed out getting somewhere they want to go, try and keep the fact you've just got an unconditional to your dream uni quiet. Give them hugs, chocolate, remind them that all they need is one offer (or if it doesn't look like they'll make that then big up all the experiences they can gain on a gap year). Remind them that they picked all 5 unis they put down, so there must be something great about all of them, remind them what a fantastic uni there second choice is etc. etc.

Also when it gets to results day, it will be worse. People will have their offers and have missed out on them by maybe 1 mark. Here, you need to let them cry! I cried for a good 3 hours non stop on results day as I had missed out on my first choice uni! However, you can remind them how awesome their second choice is (I absolutely love Glasgow, it is amazing and I'm so glad I came here), or if they are impromptu gap yearing, talk about all the exciting things they can do, places they can travel to. If you are all going out as a group in the evening, try to make sure they come along, but if they don't feel like it, then let them stay at home (I personally found it pretty miserable sitting in a pub with some people saying "I only got A* A* A* A" when I would have killed for a few more marks to have got me into my first choice, however once alcohol started flowing I cheered up).

At the end of the day, what you've got to do is remind them, it's not the end of the world, gap years aren't a bad thing, and that you are there for them no matter what.

Oh and if they don't get any offers, don't say "you can come and visit me at uni" because that's just rubbing the fact you got offers in their face!

Reply 3

jumpingjesusholycow

Tell them to get over it :nothing:

Why do we constantly find new ways of deluding ourselves? If you didn't gain entry into a university, it's not because of a personal vendetta, you weren't just good enough and not being able to accept failure is a pretty big flaw.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 4

Chelle-belle

Gap years can be pretty amazing and really enjoyable. Maybe if they got rejected from all their choices and are confused about what to do next, remind them that there's the clearing stage and if they don't wanna go through that then gap years are really great :smile:

Reply 5

Steevee

Tell them that sucks.

But don't spend hours trying to cheer them up. It's their failure, and frankly, if they spend hours looking for attention and bringing it up, they need a good kick up the backside.

Reply 6

Hooj

Just laugh it off!!

HAHAHAHAHAA!! They'll get the joke.

Reply 7

beci.please

Probably shouldn't call them a failure.
Doesn't seem to go down very well.

Reply 8

Oh my Ms. Coffey

Original post by kat2pult

Boyfriends/girlfriends; all you can do is say that it's the university who has lost out.

But they havnt?

Reply 9

bexter:)

Original post by kat2pult

THIS ^^^

Reply 10

Charl10

The best thing to do if you find out someone you know has been rejected by a university is just not to mention it to them if you can help it ,they have enough thoughts going aroud thier heads as it is, saying anything at all could just be taken the wrong way or to them make you seem like a bit of a hipocrit when you go on to get offers and start getting exicted over them ,sharing news et c.

Reply 11

kat2pult

Original post by Oh my Ms. Coffey

But they havnt?

Yeah, I know, but it'll make them feel better, won't it?

Gosh, bit insensitive of you...

Reply 12

Oh my Ms. Coffey

Original post by kat2pult

Yeah, I know, but it'll make them feel better, won't it?

Gosh, bit insensitive of you...

Its stupid to use 'they are the ones missing out' in this context.

Reply 13

username220598

Delayed success :holmes:

Reply 14

Revolution is my Name

Original post by Chelle-belle

Gap years can be pretty amazing and really enjoyable

...and, as of yesterday, incredibly expensive.

Reply 15

MostCompetitive

Say: 'they didn't think you were good enough - maybe you should have put in some more effort when you had the chance' to them (obvs not to bf/gf though). They'll get over it.

Reply 16

username430180

I don't think you'll really be able to comfort people who miss out this year :s-smilie:

If someone gets no offers, they're ****ed.

Reply 17

greeneyedgirl

Original post by (:Becca(:

I don't think you'll really be able to comfort people who miss out this year :s-smilie:

If someone gets no offers, they're ****ed.

Remember, there's always clearing =D

Reply 18

Orwell

To be honest, I'd rather a simple 'unlucky' or something like that. When people have failed, publicly failed, I think they prefer to deal with it privately, or at least, thats what I'd rather, which is sort of what you were asking.