The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

I was seeing a guy for awhile but then we both went off to start university. We're both from the same home town but our universties are three and a half hours away. He decided to end things and said a relationship just couldnt work because of the distance. It absolutely killed him to do it though because he liked and thought a lot of me. I live an hour away from home plus I dont have commitments at the weekends so I Im free and can come home every weekend. But its more the situation with him. He has sports commitments at the weekends so he can only come home every 4 weeks. Hes also away all this summer as he and his friends are going to america...I supppse if he wasnt going away, then to him we'd have a chance. He said the next proper long lenght of time we'd have would be next christmas. Was I crazy and naive to think that this could work despite the distance?

I dont know what to think of it, surely if someone really wanted to be with another they'd want to be with them despite such a distance (like me)? Or is it just some people are more willing and cut out for a LDR more than others? He still talks to me on facebook and I know I meant a lot to him. I dont know what to think or whether to tell him that I miss him or what to say because this friendship now is killing me. I want to ask him is he happy or whatever but its not my place anymore to be asking such things, or is it? I know after a few weeks of not having him in my life and being at college, that Id prefer to have him in my life and in a LDR than not at all. I hate this and that he thinks this.

Hey, I am really really really confused and thought you lot could help me
I had been with my boyfriend for a year and half before we split up the month before we both went to Uni. We are now 400 miles apart, and when we first split up we pretty much instantly wanted to get back together but had already made the move to university.
We split up because we were stressed about exam results and took it out on each other and were scared of losing each other because we were going to be so far away from each other. From september to december we spoke and told each other we still loved each other and how we missed each other, and in the christmas break we met up because we had decided that we needed to do some work with our relationship before we could start to get back together.
After we met up, he decided that he had too much university work to handle a girlfriend at the same time, because we only saw each other twice in the 3 week period as we were both revising for exams. I am moving to london next year as I reapplied because I do not like my course, and we will only be an hour away from each other this time.
The thing is, before we started our second semester in january he told me he really wished it hadnt come to this and that he still loved me and missed me and everything.
Yesterday I found out that now (a month after he said that) he has slept with someone else, but a girl that he "had gotten to know" after 3 days of seeing her, a girl that doesn't go to his university.
She is closer to him, but as he had told me he still loved me in january and we had continued to speak to each other, I have no idea what to think. He had always said sex was for the person you love and not something you throw away, but now he has gone and done that and apparently it isnt the "one night stand we all think it is" which would suggest that they are going to get together.
Is it me or is this not slightly hypocritical? Right now I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole because of how much he has disgusted me but I don't know what to do.
Any suggestions? Anyone gone through the same thing?
Thanks Xx

Often when people lose a big part of their life, like their partner, they might do something stupid and irrational to fill that void; that's essentially what a rebound is anyway. Perhaps that is why he's done something which isn't like him. Ultimately though, my response is the same as above. You said you saw each other twice in 3 weeks, was that whilst you were both apart at uni? Twice in 3 weeks is a lot for that distance, some people go without seeing each other for months...

I hadn't seen him for three months when I saw him twice in the three weeks when we were both at home together for Christmas. I now haven't seen him since christmas and most probably will not see him in the easter holidays as I am pretty appauled at what he has done. He said that his friends at uni called him "Picky" because he had not gotten with anyone since joining university, and had said that he hadn't even thought about it. I'm just wondering why in the last month he decided to essentially forget who I am and do this, and his reply to have you slept with someone was "alright, things happened last week" No sorry, no nothing. I think he's trying to be a man's man at uni.

I am having trouble. I'm in a good relationship thats lasted over 5 years now. Since coming to university I have really missed sex with my partner. We lived together since the beginning and it's me that's moved away into uni accommodation. I'm 27 and there's no kids to consider. I have never cheated on him and vice versa. But now I understand why partners cheat on each other. I just want to get laid more often. I miss the physical closeness. I am considering talking to my partner about an open relationship but I'm afraid he won't accept this idea. For him sex means love but this is not the case for me.
If I talk to him about it this will reduce the sneaking around and lying which comes with the infidelity territory. However I risk him being very upset about the idea. He already has trouble with me being away. He misses me terribly.
If I don't talk to him about it and sleep around carefully I may be able to fulfill my needs without him ever knowing and therefore not upsetting him.
I love and respect him and his feelings but I'm having real trouble with staying celibate in between his visits.

Serious answers only please!

Hi all.

Could really use some advice. Basically, been with my boyfriend since I started Uni. He was in second year and everything was perfect. I'm now in third year, but I'm on placement 2 hours away. He's in final year and our relationship has just completely broken down. The past three months have been awful, we've been arguing about the same thing - not being able to plan time together. He has an awful lot of work and just can't afford to take weekends out.

Now, things got quite bad in December, and he was considering ending it, but after careful thought and consideration he decided to give things another go as although it was tough, it was worth it. January came, and so did more arguments, same things again, about us not having time to spend a weekend together. He finally said he'd had enough, accused me of ruining his exams and making everything awful.

He came to see me for a day to break up with me, was super emotional and now he just wont give me another chance. He says I've ruined things, I've had enough chances and he doesn't think he could love me in the same way again. I can't deal with this, we're perfect for each other and we both admitted that it's just the distance and lack of time together that's ultimately ruined things. He's too good to give up on, and of course I'm feeling the usual "I can't imagine being with anyone else, ever" thoughts, but I just know that I'm going to regret these past 3/4 months for a very long time if this is really it.

To make things worse, one of his good friends from home is getting involved. Initially I think he was asking her for her advice, but now she's telling him to ignore me/delete me from fb/etc. I don't want him to do this and forget about me because I know I can mend things, so it seems like such a waste.

I can hold on until June, because I know I'll move back to the same place and we'll have time to be together. But he's just so unwilling to even take things slowly and try again. How can I get him to give me another chance? Is it even possible? I know we both need space for a while but I'm finding it tough - it makes me so so so sad to think I'll never see/talk/be with him again, and I don't know what to do. Turned into a bit of a wreck lately, and I can't stand feeling so sad all the time. I reaaally don't want to turn into a mental girl who is obsessed with calling/stalking her ex, but I'm finding it hard to not click on that profile page/text etc... I know he needs space, but I'm scared that if I give him space he'll move on

Any advice would be much appreciated...

Hi all.

Could really use some advice. Basically, been with my boyfriend since I started Uni. He was in second year and everything was perfect. I'm now in third year, but I'm on placement 2 hours away. He's in final year and our relationship has just completely broken down. The past three months have been awful, we've been arguing about the same thing - not being able to plan time together. He has an awful lot of work and just can't afford to take weekends out.

Now, things got quite bad in December, and he was considering ending it, but after careful thought and consideration he decided to give things another go as although it was tough, it was worth it. January came, and so did more arguments, same things again, about us not having time to spend a weekend together. He finally said he'd had enough, accused me of ruining his exams and making everything awful.

He came to see me for a day to break up with me, was super emotional and now he just wont give me another chance. He says I've ruined things, I've had enough chances and he doesn't think he could love me in the same way again. I can't deal with this, we're perfect for each other and we both admitted that it's just the distance and lack of time together that's ultimately ruined things. He's too good to give up on, and of course I'm feeling the usual "I can't imagine being with anyone else, ever" thoughts, but I just know that I'm going to regret these past 3/4 months for a very long time if this is really it.

To make things worse, one of his good friends from home is getting involved. Initially I think he was asking her for her advice, but now she's telling him to ignore me/delete me from fb/etc. I don't want him to do this and forget about me because I know I can mend things, so it seems like such a waste.

I can hold on until June, because I know I'll move back to the same place and we'll have time to be together. But he's just so unwilling to even take things slowly and try again. How can I get him to give me another chance? Is it even possible? I know we both need space for a while but I'm finding it tough - it makes me so so so sad to think I'll never see/talk/be with him again, and I don't know what to do. Turned into a bit of a wreck lately, and I can't stand feeling so sad all the time. I reaaally don't want to turn into a mental girl who is obsessed with calling/stalking her ex, but I'm finding it hard to not click on that profile page/text etc... I know he needs space, but I'm scared that if I give him space he'll move on

Any advice would be much appreciated...

hi everyone
we've been together for 2.5 years; first year he made an effort to text/do nice things, as well as daily chat. nowadays we still chat/skype as often but i miss the cute good morning texts or a random moment he remembered from the last time we were together (dunno this makes me think he doesn't think about me any more ) he says he doesn't have credit
at first i carried on texting, but then after getting no replies for weeks (but we still chatted) i gave up
do you think something is up? or is it just habituation?
thank you!

I'm potentially going to be entering an LDR (if all goes well) but due to complications with uni I'll be relocating at the end of the year, and this means a permanent LDR..not so much when we're at home, but a lot more so when we're at uni...I don't want to potentially start something that won't work, and then cause emotional heart ache for one/both of us...so just looking for some advice really.

Thanks in Advance