Going to uni- break up or not?
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and things have been going really well. I'm going to uni this september, and he's not- but he's prepared to move with me if thats what I want.. but I dont know what to do! If he does come, I wouldnt be able to live in student accomodation and I would risk missing out on a big part of uni life, and maybe not make as good friends etc.. and a big part of going to uni for me is making some good friends. I definately dont want to do long distance, but I dont think I want to end the relationship. So I have no idea what to do. anyone else been in this situation??! Is it possible to still make good friends and have the same uni experience without living in halls?
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Stay together but he shouldn't move with you. You HAVE to live in Halls, you'll not have any friends otherwise, most of my friends I live with. You can do the uni - home relationship, I know people have. And if the relationship doesn't stand the test of time then it wasn't going to last anyway.
Why can't you stay together, you live in halls in first year, and then look at moving in together in your second year? Yes a lot of couples break up in uni, but many work through the hard times as well! I think you should have, 'the halls experience' and then maybe considering moving in with him after that!
Original post by hellobonjour
Stay together but he shouldn't move with you. You HAVE to live in Halls, you'll not have any friends otherwise, most of my friends I live with. You can do the uni - home relationship, I know people have. And if the relationship doesn't stand the test of time then it wasn't going to last anyway.
absolute nonsense. I live at home and have plenty of friends. And no I'm not a member of **** loads of clubs and societies.
I'm doing the uni-home relationship at the moment and have been since September. I'm at home at the moment but starting at the same uni in September (was my first choice regardless of him). I'd recommend living at home in your first year, see how that goes and then consider him possibly moving to live with you for your second. If the relationships worth anything I think it should be able to withstand some LDR and after 2 years your relationship should already be pretty strong.
Good luck
Good luck
Original post by hellobonjour
Original post by hellobonjour
Stay together but he shouldn't move with you. You HAVE to live in Halls, you'll not have any friends otherwise, most of my friends I live with. You can do the uni - home relationship, I know people have. And if the relationship doesn't stand the test of time then it wasn't going to last anyway.
I have plenty of friends who don't live in halls, to say that you absolutely "HAVE" to live in halls if you want friends is a load of crap.
OP it's a 2.5 year relationship. You have to decide if it's worth throwing away just because you feel you "need the uni experience", which you can only get by living in halls.
Original post by The_Goose
absolute nonsense. I live at home and have plenty of friends. And no I'm not a member of **** loads of clubs and societies.
Original post by xXxBaby-BooxXx
I have plenty of friends who don't live in halls, to say that you absolutely "HAVE" to live in halls if you want friends is a load of crap.
OP it's a 2.5 year relationship. You have to decide if it's worth throwing away just because you feel you "need the uni experience", which you can only get by living in halls.
OP it's a 2.5 year relationship. You have to decide if it's worth throwing away just because you feel you "need the uni experience", which you can only get by living in halls.
Well think about freshers week and the first few weeks of the term. It takes a lot longer to build friendships with people from societies than your halls, as you don't see them every day without arranging it.
Even if you can make lots friends without living in Halls, it's all about the experience of going out together and having one large friendship group as well as smaller ones from across the rest of the uni.
Also, you need to stand as your own person, everyone you meet will know you with your boyfriend, and whilst it's great that you'd have the same friends, uni is all about expanding yourself and trying new things, societies and experiences.
I don't think she would be throwing her relationship away if she lived in Halls and he stayed home at all.
Original post by xXxBaby-BooxXx
Original post by xXxBaby-BooxXx
I have plenty of friends who don't live in halls, to say that you absolutely "HAVE" to live in halls if you want friends is a load of crap.
OP it's a 2.5 year relationship. You have to decide if it's worth throwing away just because you feel you "need the uni experience", which you can only get by living in halls.
OP it's a 2.5 year relationship. You have to decide if it's worth throwing away just because you feel you "need the uni experience", which you can only get by living in halls.
I dont want to throw it away, and we had already decided to move together, I'm just worried I wont get what I want out of uni and end up resenting him for that. But then at the same time I dont think I would enjoy uni as much if we tried long distance- because it would obviously be really hard
Original post by hellobonjour
Original post by hellobonjour
Well think about freshers week and the first few weeks of the term. It takes a lot longer to build friendships with people from societies than your halls, as you don't see them every day without arranging it.
Even if you can make lots friends without living in Halls, it's all about the experience of going out together and having one large friendship group as well as smaller ones from across the rest of the uni.
Also, you need to stand as your own person, everyone you meet will know you with your boyfriend, and whilst it's great that you'd have the same friends, uni is all about expanding yourself and trying new things, societies and experiences.
I don't think she would be throwing her relationship away if she lived in Halls and he stayed home at all.
Even if you can make lots friends without living in Halls, it's all about the experience of going out together and having one large friendship group as well as smaller ones from across the rest of the uni.
Also, you need to stand as your own person, everyone you meet will know you with your boyfriend, and whilst it's great that you'd have the same friends, uni is all about expanding yourself and trying new things, societies and experiences.
I don't think she would be throwing her relationship away if she lived in Halls and he stayed home at all.
a) If you want to go out and make friends, then you can make friends whether you live in halls or not. It depends upon how much you want to, and how much effort you're willing to make/how much sleep you're willing to give up.
b) You can make a friendship group with people on your course (as I and many others have done) and go out with them
c) Although she'd be living with her boyfriend, it's not as if he'd be going to every social event with her, I'm sure she's fully capable of going on her own, therefore eliminating that problem
d) She was asking about breaking up with her boyfriend = throwing it away
Original post by ninjazz
I dont want to throw it away, and we had already decided to move together, I'm just worried I wont get what I want out of uni and end up resenting him for that. But then at the same time I dont think I would enjoy uni as much if we tried long distance- because it would obviously be really hard
You get out of uni what you decide to put in, so if there's certain things you want to get out of it, then you will, whether you're living with your boyfriend or not. Besides, from the sound of things you're going in with quite high expectations of what it's going to be like, which may end up leaving you feeling disappointed, boyfriend or no boyfriend.
If I was in your situation, I think I'd move in with the boyfriend, but that's just me
Original post by xXxBaby-BooxXx
a) If you want to go out and make friends, then you can make friends whether you live in halls or not. It depends upon how much you want to, and how much effort you're willing to make/how much sleep you're willing to give up.
b) You can make a friendship group with people on your course (as I and many others have done) and go out with them
c) Although she'd be living with her boyfriend, it's not as if he'd be going to every social event with her, I'm sure she's fully capable of going on her own, therefore eliminating that problem
d) She was asking about breaking up with her boyfriend = throwing it away
b) You can make a friendship group with people on your course (as I and many others have done) and go out with them
c) Although she'd be living with her boyfriend, it's not as if he'd be going to every social event with her, I'm sure she's fully capable of going on her own, therefore eliminating that problem
d) She was asking about breaking up with her boyfriend = throwing it away
a) Yes you can I know, but as I said it is easier to make friends with those you live with as you see them every day.
b) Yes you can, I have done this also, however these groups are often a lot smaller and less versatile than those you live with. It is nice to have a widespread of friends, several pockets, not just a couple.
c) Yes I know that too, however she will want to spend a lot of time with him - thus the purpose of living with him, thus reducing the time making friends.
d) Yes I know that, I wasn't picking you up on anything there.
Second/Third year live with him, but I suggest that you need your first year in Halls, as it will make things so much easier for you. Long distances can work, heck I'm doing one abroad next year.
Also just to clarify I know I said you won't make friends if you don't stay in Halls, but I do exaggerate slightly.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by EnVogue
Original post by EnVogue
Long distance for a year, then move in together second year?
I'm thinking that this might be the best option
something I'm worried about if he stays as well is that his best friend (girl) hasn't been very nice to me and doesnt want anything to do with me for no apparent reason- but he doesnt see this as a big deal and isnt going to stop being friends with her because we dont get along. but the situation really bothers me and Im not sure I can deal with them being this close for much longer. But if he stays at home, Im worried they will just get closer- and this would be a big problem :/
Original post by ninjazz
something I'm worried about if he stays as well is that his best friend (girl) hasn't been very nice to me and doesnt want anything to do with me for no apparent reason- but he doesnt see this as a big deal and isnt going to stop being friends with her because we dont get along. but the situation really bothers me and Im not sure I can deal with them being this close for much longer. But if he stays at home, Im worried they will just get closer- and this would be a big problem :/
I completely understand this. But you can't change your living arrangements to account for it. As long as you're in contact regularly and you trust him there should be no problem. I'm worried about next year as my boyfriend will be living with girls that he's really good friends with, but if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
There's a long distance relationships thread that's "stickied" that may be useful as well.
Original post by hellobonjour
Original post by hellobonjour
I completely understand this. But you can't change your living arrangements to account for it. As long as you're in contact regularly and you trust him there should be no problem. I'm worried about next year as my boyfriend will be living with girls that he's really good friends with, but if it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
There's a long distance relationships thread that's "stickied" that may be useful as well.
There's a long distance relationships thread that's "stickied" that may be useful as well.
yeah I suppose so, I guess its just hard to have no control over these kinds of things. I completely trust him and I know he'd never cheat, I just dont want her to be in our lives forever. and thanks, I'll check it out
Original post by ninjazz
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years, and things have been going really well. I'm going to uni this september, and he's not- but he's prepared to move with me if thats what I want.. but I dont know what to do!
I don’t think you would be asking the question if you didn’t have some nagging doubts on your mind. If that’s the case, tell him to stay home and let you get settled and maybe consider it for the second year.
Living with one another is an order of magnitude larger commitment that the bf/gf thingy and could have a serious impact on your studies and could be simply devastating should the relationship go south.
Hey, I'm in the exact same position, go uni alone dude that's what i'm doin if you move together you'll waste your time cooped up in a room with him an not get the best out of the uni experience. If you love him, try a long distance relationship, if it doesn't work ..it doesn't work ..simple as.
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