This "coconut" is finding things pretty difficult

This might sound completely weird but I am finding things quite difficult. I am not being racist or anything of the kind.

I grew up in a white middle class area.I felt white as I grew up in a white area. I had white friends etc... I would listen to the killers, foo fighters, Limp Bizkit etc.. I would enjoy football, rugby and I am not a big cricket fan but I do watch it. I support the tory party. However, I was never aware of Asian culture or it never had an impact on me. My mum made curries, I do read namaz, and there was few odd occasions of Bollywood films. I would speak English to my parents. I don't speak urdu or punjabi but I do understand it. The thing is I never felt Asian or could even relate to Asian culture.

I am in university now. I find the majority of people on my course are of Asian background. They relate to Asian culture, cuisine, music, television, films sports etc... They would watch Bollywood films, listen to Bhangra, act rude-boy, watch some indian/pakistann television etc... In terms of politics- they would support Labour as they are from "working class" backgrounds yet live in middle class Asian areas.

I can't relate to that. I don't understand it at all. I am friends with them, I talk to them, but there is no connection. Yet, I feel I am shoved into that group or that circle. I feel lonely as a result because I don't feel a connection. I feel like I am an alien to my heritage (I suppose if that is the word). This causes me frustration since instead of embracing this, it has caused me to be more to isolated. An example would be a situation where two Asians will be talking to each other in Urdu. Even though I understand them, I would look at them confused to make me feel white.

I know that is a bit of me trying to get my feelings out here. I don't know what to do as I am at a crossroads. Obviously, this is weird and startling to most.
Any tips or any opinions?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 1

AnJuM218

9

Just be yourself.

I'm usually in the same postion. Even though i'm from an asian working clas family, i don't act like it. My parents brought me up properly, they told me to undersatnd British culture and to not shy away from it. I went to a few schools where the majority of people were white, only one or two kids where asian. Then i shifted to a school where 50% was asian. I felt out of place, people kept mistaking me for an indian instead of a paki, some people even thought i was half white.

But i just stayed as i was and learned that not all asians would treat me differently, some might but they're usually retards and now in college no one is like that.

These people may be closer to their heritage but it shouldn't make you reconsider who you are.

Also, if i were you i would admit to them that i understood urdu, i mean you don't have to speak it but if you admit it may ake things easier.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 2

thecat23

At the end of the day, you're British, cos you were born and bred here. But I still believe that you should pay homage to your heritage which is what you do.

You're not 'obliged' to relate to other Asians in your course, if you don't, you don't. That doesn't make you a coconut. Imo what makes you a coconut is if you completely reject your heritage and are in denial about it, which you clearly don't - as you say you read namaz and eat your cultural food.

And you shouldn't feel 'white,' since it is a skin colour - you were just influenced by British culture since you were brought up here which is normal. And listening to rock music doesn't make you 'white,' look at the origins of rock it descends from black music.

Just be yourself. Your race shouldn't define you - sure it's part of your identity, you can't change that, but you are your own person and you shouldn't worry about being a 'traitor.'

Reply 3

RibenaJuicy

OP

Original post by AnJuM218

Just be yourself.

I'm usually in the same postion. Even though i'm from an asian working clas family, i don't act like it. My parents brought me up properly, they told me to undersatnd British culture and to not shy away from it. I went to a few schools where the majority of people were white, only one or two kids where asian. Then i shifted to a school where 50% was asian. I felt out of place, people kept mistaking me for an indian instead of a paki, some people even thought i was half white.

But i just stayed as i was and learned that not all asians would treat me differently, some might but they're usually retards and now in college no one is like that.

These people may be closer to their heritage but it shouldn't make you reconsider who you are.

Also, if i were you i would admit to them that i understood urdu, i mean you don't have to speak it but if you admit it may ake things easier.

Perhaps your right, I will let them know. I made friends but it is difficult to relate. At least you understand where I am coming from.

Most people thought I was a "tanned white" or "Italian". I told them I was Pakistani and they were shocked loool

Reply 4

RibenaJuicy

OP

Original post by thecat23

At the end of the day, you're British, cos you were born and bred here. But I still believe that you should pay homage to your heritage which is what you do.

You're not 'obliged' to relate to other Asians in your course, if you don't, you don't. That doesn't make you a coconut. Imo what makes you a coconut is if you completely reject your heritage and are in denial about it, which you clearly don't - as you say you read namaz and eat your cultural food.

And you shouldn't feel 'white,' since it is a skin colour - you were just influenced by British culture since you were brought up here which is normal. And listening to rock music doesn't make you 'white,' look at the origins of rock it descends from black music.

Just be yourself. Your race shouldn't define you - sure it's part of your identity, you can't change that, but you are your own person and you shouldn't worry about being a 'traitor.'

I suppose "white" is a wrong but British culture is a correct description.

I suppose I was confused as to what I was. I have been called a "traitor" (but jokingly)...