Common Misconceptions
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When I was younger I used to think minutes were seconds, so when someone was in the bathroom and i asked how long they would be? Given a reply of X minutes, i used to count X seconds and then ask again.
Now that i'm older my favourite thing is misleading toddlers/kids with time. So when they ask for something i'd say 10 mins, 5 mins later they'd come and ask again so i tell them there's 9 mins left and so on. I'm so evil
Now that i'm older my favourite thing is misleading toddlers/kids with time. So when they ask for something i'd say 10 mins, 5 mins later they'd come and ask again so i tell them there's 9 mins left and so on. I'm so evil
Original post by Tpx
When I was young I thought that you just had to lie there without moving. Then I saw porn on the internet and thought that the guy moving in and out was just doing because he was a show off. 
Awwww
When the Harry Potter books first came out I was convinced that after year 6 if you had "magical blood" you would go off to Hogwarts, if not then you would go straight into work (skipping secondary school, college etc). 
inset day was insect day
I was also convinced I saw the tooth fairy at one point
inset day was insect day
I was also convinced I saw the tooth fairy at one point
When I was younger I thought Gok's 'How To look Good Naked' was some sort of sex show.
Original post by WhiteSlice14
Yes I read an article on thesaurus.com (because I'm cool like that) - it's on my favourites bar! - and it was about 'ye' and how it wasn't actually pronounced like that.
Always good to know I'm not the only anorak in town.
Original post by Hanvyj
Four kindles?
Yeah! The Now Show. Should really be The Then Show if they are reviving jokes as old as that, but it was good to hear it again.
I used to think robots had ears, because of "roboteers stand by" on Robot Wars. (circa 2001)
Common law wives existing.
"Desperate Housewives" was a porno.
Lottery balls were sent down from above, "in ascending order", I heard "in a sending order."
A Paedophile is good because it's Greek for lover of children (actually said this at the dinner table aged 9, Mum immediately correcting me with "they love them in a way that is not right.")
Jewelled birds had real diamonds and pearls implanted into their skin.
America is more liberal than the UK/Europe (because of reading about it being a "land of the free" in history around year 2/3, which was when 9/11 was happening)
Ohh.. and my big one was believing there was a wide scale Common Abduction Framework involving social workers removing children for no good reason, to get bonuses for performance, and Family Division judges rubber stamping their orders no matter what. CAF doesn't even stand for that and the whole idea seems to be nonsense.
Common law wives existing.
"Desperate Housewives" was a porno.
Lottery balls were sent down from above, "in ascending order", I heard "in a sending order."
A Paedophile is good because it's Greek for lover of children (actually said this at the dinner table aged 9, Mum immediately correcting me with "they love them in a way that is not right.")
Jewelled birds had real diamonds and pearls implanted into their skin.
America is more liberal than the UK/Europe (because of reading about it being a "land of the free" in history around year 2/3, which was when 9/11 was happening)
Ohh.. and my big one was believing there was a wide scale Common Abduction Framework involving social workers removing children for no good reason, to get bonuses for performance, and Family Division judges rubber stamping their orders no matter what. CAF doesn't even stand for that and the whole idea seems to be nonsense.
Original post by ScheduleII
I used to think robots had ears, because of "roboteers stand by" on Robot Wars. (circa 2001)
Common law wives existing.
"Desperate Housewives" was a porno.
Lottery balls were sent down from above, "in ascending order", I heard "in a sending order."
A Paedophile is good because it's Greek for lover of children (actually said this at the dinner table aged 9, Mum immediately correcting me with "they love them in a way that is not right.")
Jewelled birds had real diamonds and pearls implanted into their skin.
America is more liberal than the UK/Europe (because of reading about it being a "land of the free" in history around year 2/3, which was when 9/11 was happening)
Ohh.. and my big one was believing there was a wide scale Common Abduction Framework involving social workers removing children for no good reason, to get bonuses for performance, and Family Division judges rubber stamping their orders no matter what. CAF doesn't even stand for that and the whole idea seems to be nonsense.
Common law wives existing.
"Desperate Housewives" was a porno.
Lottery balls were sent down from above, "in ascending order", I heard "in a sending order."
A Paedophile is good because it's Greek for lover of children (actually said this at the dinner table aged 9, Mum immediately correcting me with "they love them in a way that is not right.")
Jewelled birds had real diamonds and pearls implanted into their skin.
America is more liberal than the UK/Europe (because of reading about it being a "land of the free" in history around year 2/3, which was when 9/11 was happening)
Ohh.. and my big one was believing there was a wide scale Common Abduction Framework involving social workers removing children for no good reason, to get bonuses for performance, and Family Division judges rubber stamping their orders no matter what. CAF doesn't even stand for that and the whole idea seems to be nonsense.
Beautiful.
Original post by KlaireDelilah
Beautiful.
I ran the whole gamut of sexual terms when I was too young to understand them.
Age 7, asked someone "is a fellatio a musical instrument?" because I read my grandfather's dictionary which said a blow-job was fellatio, and I assumed that it had something to do with blowing a trumpet or flute.
Age 7, "what are boll***s?" Mum took me out where no-one was listening and quietly told me "that word is not to be said."
Age 8, "bestiality for breakfast" seen in a Christmas Day TV magazine. No explanation given.
Age 8, "prostitute" and "sodomite" heard on TV. Gran was in the room. She said it's "nothing for you to be concerned about."
Age 9, mentioned some things I had read about the Holly and Jessica murders at Christmas in front of the family. Was told "not to discuss those things."
Age 9, encouraged to read CEEFAX Science/Tech, one day to find the government was to criminalise "necrophilia". I asked Mum why love of death was so wrong. She said it was "creepy" and involved "people who dig up corpses".
Age 10, saw "fornication" in a school book, asked a new student teacher in her early 20s what it meant. I was told I should have spoken to the headmistress (a very refined and experienced 53 year old who had handled child protection issues.) Was doubly puzzled as I didn't know it had to do with anything sensitive, the reason why I asked a teacher, and also thought that any responsible adult could answer a child's questions whether 21 or 61.
Age 11, read Dad's emails - "cumshot" in one of the subject lines of a junk mail but suspected it was rude from the swear words around it so didn't ask.
Original post by Noirla
I always used to beg my parents to let me go to this shop we would passed on the way to the furniture warehouse. It clearly said 'Toy shop' & 'Cinema'. The blacked out windows only added to my curiosity.
Yeah... that place wasn't for kids
Was in my teens when I realized what kind of 'toys' they sold.
Yeah... that place wasn't for kids
Was in my teens when I realized what kind of 'toys' they sold.
Amsterdam Experience, Digbeth, Birmingham?
Only one left in the UK with a sex toy shop and cinema and the windows you describe.
Original post by ScheduleII
Amsterdam Experience, Digbeth, Birmingham?
Only one left in the UK with a sex toy shop and cinema and the windows you describe.
Only one left in the UK with a sex toy shop and cinema and the windows you describe.
You're very knowledgeable.
Original post by carnationlilyrose
You're very knowledgeable.
I wish I was more irreproachably clean minded... experience is no substitute for innocence but never mind.
Original post by ScheduleII
Amsterdam Experience, Digbeth, Birmingham?
Only one left in the UK with a sex toy shop and cinema and the windows you describe.
Only one left in the UK with a sex toy shop and cinema and the windows you describe.
lol nope its not in Birmingham. The one I'm on about has been converted to something a bit less seedy I think!
How on earth would you know where the last one in the whole of the UK would be? And I should hope they ALL have blacked out windows!
Original post by ScheduleII
I wish I was more irreproachably clean minded... experience is no substitute for innocence but never mind.
I'm sure somebody somewhere will be grateful for your extensive self-sacrifice in logging the location and specialisms of the sex shops of Britain.
Original post by Juno
That 6am on a Sunday actually exists 
when i first encountered algebra, i used to think a=1 b=2 c=3 ... and so on
Original post by itzme
when my english was not good enough, I used to think that 'blow job' and 'blow dry' were one and the same thing. I am just glad I realised my mistake before going to the hairdresser and asking for a 'blow job'!!!
In Germany, instead of saying the soap is 'hand-made', some Lush shops have in the window "Get hand jobs here!"
Original post by carnationlilyrose
For all your mondegreen queries:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen
My teddy bear as a child was called Gladly, because my mother suggested it. Many years later, she explained why. There's a hymn called 'Gladly the cross I'd bear', which became 'Gladly the cross-eyed bear.' I think it was part of the plot of some film she'd seen. Anyway, it gets a mention in the mondegreen article above, along with some classics like Jimi Hendrix's 'Scuse me while I kiss this guy.'
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen
My teddy bear as a child was called Gladly, because my mother suggested it. Many years later, she explained why. There's a hymn called 'Gladly the cross I'd bear', which became 'Gladly the cross-eyed bear.' I think it was part of the plot of some film she'd seen. Anyway, it gets a mention in the mondegreen article above, along with some classics like Jimi Hendrix's 'Scuse me while I kiss this guy.'
I remember the first time I read that
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