The Long Distance Relationship Society Advice Centre

The only way to have this kind of relationship is to communicate. Constantly. But this communication has to be good. If there is a problem or something has happened that has upset you, you need to tell them right away. I am a big fan of never going to sleep angry. So before either of us goes to sleep, we need to fix any problems that may have occurred. And over long distance, believe me, there are a lot more problems than in person.

As for a physical relationship, that is really difficult. Yes, Skype sex is a thing. I'm not going to lie to you and say I haven't done it. It's really not that bad as long as you are comfortable with your partner, but it is certainly not the same thing as going to sleep in someone's arms or kissing or actually having sex. It's a right pain in the ass, and it takes a lot of getting used to. It's been six months of LDR for my boyfriend and I (so far one visit has happened) and we still aren't used to the fact that we can't have each other in person.

What sort of problems have you had from the distance?

Erm, Skype sex? I'm interested in how that works....

Oooh what a coincidence

A lot of problems can happen, and the majority of them are petty. Basically, we found that we argue way more often over silly things, mainly because we miss each other. We take out our frustrations of not being together on each other, and if you're not careful, it can really make you resent the other person. It's also frustrating that when you text someone, they may not respond right away, and they can't always be there for you when you want them to. It leads to feelings of rejection, despite the fact that the other person meant nothing by it. It's also difficult to Skype when one person is being moody. It brings down the conversation and makes it very difficult to want to be talking to them. So when someone has had a bad day and all they want to do is Skype their boyfriend/girlfriend but they're in a bad mood, it's difficult to be on the receiving end. I've found that the easiest way to deal with this is to pretend they are in a good mood and that honestly raises the mood a lot.

As for Skype sex... That'd be masturbation over Skype. You can angle your webcam or laptop wherever, and then just go for it. You can also dress for the occasion and go for some dirty talk of exactly what you'd do if you were together. Admittedly, the first time was really weird. But it's gotten easier since then, and honestly it's the closest to the real thing for the time being. Just don't pressure someone into doing that who doesn't want to, because a lot of people are self-conscious about their bodies.

I'm the guy on who farts in the lift and gets out on second floor :P

Hi guys, I am really hoping I can get some advice so here it goes:

I am in a LDR and I am loving it. I am on my gap year abroad right now and it's going well and my guy is back in England but it's all working ok. My question is regarding my intentions to go back and see him in March. I get two and a half weeks off from work in March over the easter time (I work in a school) and I am planning to fly back to England to see him.

I'm really looking forward to it because the last time I saw him was just before christmas (stayed with him at his parent's house for 2 days) but am nervous as well. I'll be staying at his flat the whole time and while it will be lovely to see him I am worried about staying with him for that time because I have never stayed with anyone guy or girl for that long before and while the 2 days at christmas was great, it's a little different this time because it will be just me and him. Also, we will obvioulsy be sleeping in the same bed which, again, happened in December, but at that time I snuck back to my own room before he (and - more imporantly - his parents, who were expecting me to stay in a separate room to him) woke up, thus giving me time to do the whole morning routine so I didn't look a total state when he woke up.

Also, what if I snore, steal all the covers or (god-forbid) drool when I'm asleep?! I loved staying with him last time and I think everything will be fine this time but it's just the whole 'sleeping in the same bed' thing that I"m worried about.

Any advice would be really appreciated, thanks

Poppybird19 x

Argh, being in an LDR is so hard sometimes! I am going home to see my boyfriend on Thursday-Sunday. Because I'm only back every 2-3 weeks (at uni up North, he's down South), sometimes I feel like we should make the most of each other whilst I am around. Maybe that's a bit selfish of me, I know. He's organised a big going out/party thing on Friday night and didn't invite me. His reasoning was, "they're my friends and you don't know most of them" (I do know some of the people going, it's not like I'd know none of them). It makes me feel upset that I wasn't invited..Sometimes I feel like I have to fit in around his schedule and it can be a little annoying. Sorry to rant, I don't really know what to do about it. He eventually reluctantly said I could go to this party thing but I don't know if I particularly want to now. He's pretty extroverted and I'm less so, so I think he thinks I may embarrass him or something. It's the only reason I can think of as to why he wouldn't want me to meet his friends.

I can understand where he's coming from to be honest, sometimes its nice to just have your own thing, its not great if a relationship invades every aspect of your life, its nice to know you can go do your own thing and have time to yourself while still having fun with friends.

Argh, being in an LDR is so hard sometimes! I am going home to see my boyfriend on Thursday-Sunday. Because I'm only back every 2-3 weeks (at uni up North, he's down South), sometimes I feel like we should make the most of each other whilst I am around. Maybe that's a bit selfish of me, I know. He's organised a big going out/party thing on Friday night and didn't invite me. His reasoning was, "they're my friends and you don't know most of them" (I do know some of the people going, it's not like I'd know none of them). It makes me feel upset that I wasn't invited..Sometimes I feel like I have to fit in around his schedule and it can be a little annoying. Sorry to rant, I don't really know what to do about it. He eventually reluctantly said I could go to this party thing but I don't know if I particularly want to now. He's pretty extroverted and I'm less so, so I think he thinks I may embarrass him or something. It's the only reason I can think of as to why he wouldn't want me to meet his friends.

I can understand where he's coming from to be honest, sometimes its nice to just have your own thing, its not great if a relationship invades every aspect of your life, its nice to know you can go do your own thing and have time to yourself while still having fun with friends.

Completely agree with you. LDR or a normal relationship, we all need our space. I know why @Moooooooose might feel bad or left out but trust me, I have been on the same road as you. The sooner you realize he cares for you but also needs his own space even though you two finally have the chance to be truly together, the better!
Take care!

No I agree with you, if you're not seeing him that often he should make time for you. He can do his own thing when you're not there. Also, he should be proud to introduce you to his friends, not reluctant. Odd.

Thanks for the reply, it's just hard being in an LDR. If we lived close together I would definitely be totally cool with it. I'm sure I'll learn to not feel bad about this kind of thing in the future

Just discovered this thread, and wish I'd seen it sooner.
I've been in a LDR since September, when my boyfriend moved to NYC for 3 years to go to college. It's been difficult, and we've had our ups and downs, but things are good at the moment, and he has just surprised me, by flying back to the UK for Valentines to take me out for dinner!

Just discovered this thread, and wish I'd seen it sooner.
I've been in a LDR since September, when my boyfriend moved to NYC for 3 years to go to college. It's been difficult, and we've had our ups and downs, but things are good at the moment, and he has just surprised me, by flying back to the UK for Valentines to take me out for dinner!

Hope I've somewhat helped you. I know that it is really hard to be in a LDR, trust me I've been in one for the last year. It has its' ups and downs but if the person is worth it, then everything is worth it.
I also read that you've mentioned the age gap, I can only judge how things are with my guy and I as he is 7 years older than me. Most of his friends are in their thirties, all of them in good jobs and such while I am just graduating. Some couples can make it work, others can't but I know that patience always helps a lot.

LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, ENDS ON V DAY!
I really need to vent.
So to cut a long story short, I was with my (now) ex-boyfriend for a year and three months. Since we got together, I've had a lot of 'issues' with finance and emotional trauma following someone attempting to mug me, which completely changed my life for the worst. I've found it difficult to motivate myself into being myself again, and I've almost lost who I am because of it, I've never quite been able to get over it.
However, I met this guy through mutual friends and we hit it off straight away, except it was going to be a LDR as he was at uni, something I'd never done before.
We had so much fun together, and completely fell head over heels for one another. We made plans to move in together after he graduated and talked about marriage etc. I admit I became quite needy and relied on him emotionally and financially, which was wrong, and I should have really sought help for my issues.

Back in September, he went into his final year at university, and since he went back he completely changed, into this workaholic who became distant and easily irritated. His workload has been manic and he's taken on other responsibilities (course related) that take his time up and slowly our relationship has completely broken down, as I've been texting him too much and it has caused arguments.

Last week he broke up with me, and I cried so hard and told him I was there for him as he said he was struggling to manage our relationship and uni. So I said I would give him space and we agreed to a break in the hope that we could work things out and get through the next few months until he graduates.

Except, it's been hard because it's like speaking to a guy I don't know anymore. His texts have completely changed towards me, it's like he doesn't even love me anymore. He avoids certain subjects, and says I make it awkward when I say I miss him. He was supposed to be coming home next week, as we haven't seen each other in nearly three weeks now.
But he broke up with me last night because I told him how I felt about him being distant and said I feel like he doesn't want me. He said it's not working and there's no point trying and failing with someone who's a 100 miles away. It's just not meant to be anymore.

This coming from a guy who last week told me the only reason he'd ever leave us is because he'd be dead, and that he wants me forever, he just needs to get through these last few months at uni.

I'm completely heartbroken.

I love him so much. So I've deleted his number, so I don't keep texting and I'm trying to pick myself up and sort my life out. I'm just terrified that he won't miss me, and he won't come back. Can anyone read between the lines, maybe I'm missing something huge. I know I'm a needy idiot that needs to sort herself out, but does he love me enough to maybe work it out in the future?
Has anyone been in this situation?
Any advice?

I sent my girlfriend something special in the post even though we can't be together today, but she hasn't done anything at all for me :\