how long to hold on?
I have been trying to let go for 3 years.
My ex left me as he fell out of love after we were together for about a year and a half; he had new friends and felt I didn't fit in with them and his new way of life, his feelings changed. Things just didn't seem to be working well anymore.
We have had to see one another at uni every day for the past 3 years, he has basically avoided all contact with me where he can, and if I try and talk to him he kills the conversation with one word answers... looks as bored as he possibly can.
But at times he lurks by me; watching, as if he wants to talk. He sometimes puts himself in situations where he knows I will be present - like sitting amongst my friends when they are waiting for me after lectures. But if I ever try and talk to him he still struggles to converse with me- he clears his throat, shuffles about, doesn't say much and then runs asap. I feel him watching me a lot.
He is generally socially awkward, finds it hard to express himself but I still find this odd behavior.
I don't understand. I still love him and would like to see if we could get back to being friends etc - however I don't quite know how to approach him, as he seems to freak out/ get nervous if I try and approach him or talk, even though he lurks around and watches me at times.
any suggestions?
My ex left me as he fell out of love after we were together for about a year and a half; he had new friends and felt I didn't fit in with them and his new way of life, his feelings changed. Things just didn't seem to be working well anymore.
We have had to see one another at uni every day for the past 3 years, he has basically avoided all contact with me where he can, and if I try and talk to him he kills the conversation with one word answers... looks as bored as he possibly can.
But at times he lurks by me; watching, as if he wants to talk. He sometimes puts himself in situations where he knows I will be present - like sitting amongst my friends when they are waiting for me after lectures. But if I ever try and talk to him he still struggles to converse with me- he clears his throat, shuffles about, doesn't say much and then runs asap. I feel him watching me a lot.
He is generally socially awkward, finds it hard to express himself but I still find this odd behavior.
I don't understand. I still love him and would like to see if we could get back to being friends etc - however I don't quite know how to approach him, as he seems to freak out/ get nervous if I try and approach him or talk, even though he lurks around and watches me at times.
any suggestions?
Talk to him. Either that or get the hell away from him so you have the space to move on in. It's your choice, although personally I'd talk to him.
Original post by WillowSummers
Talk to him. Either that or get the hell away from him so you have the space to move on in. It's your choice, although personally I'd talk to him.
i try, like i said, he just acts all edgy and odd and wont really converse with me, even though he seems to want to talk at times.
Original post by Anonymous
i try, like i said, he just acts all edgy and odd and wont really converse with me, even though he seems to want to talk at times.
Try doing it online, it might help, particularly if he's socially awkward.
Original post by Anonymous
i try, like i said, he just acts all edgy and odd and wont really converse with me, even though he seems to want to talk at times.
Pah, I've been there (as the edgy, odd person who wants to talk but doesn't know how). I'd say he wants to talk, but you are going to have to initiate it. Get coffee with him or something and then just talk to him about your feelings. I know it may be difficult, but it's the best option.
Original post by RollerBall
Try doing it online, it might help, particularly if he's socially awkward.
tried that too! He will sort of talk for a little while, but show very little interest - responds pretty quickly sometimes but then makes an excuse to log off at the earliest possible opportunity. OR he just does not respond at all.... he drives me insane!
Original post by WillowSummers
Pah, I've been there (as the edgy, odd person who wants to talk but doesn't know how). I'd say he wants to talk, but you are going to have to initiate it. Get coffee with him or something and then just talk to him about your feelings. I know it may be difficult, but it's the best option.
how did that go in the end? and is it normal for him to seem to want to talk and then blow me off? because thats the bit I dont get. Im so fed up/ hurt by the rejection ive practically given up approaching him altogether
Original post by Anonymous
how did that go in the end? and is it normal for him to seem to want to talk and then blow me off? because thats the bit I dont get. Im so fed up/ hurt by the rejection ive practically given up approaching him altogether
In my case, we got back together for about six months before an amicable split. We're still friends and have moved on. Although that only happened after she finally yelled at me for being so damned weird.
I would think that he wants to speak to you, but hasn't got a clue what to say. Probably being around you makes him nervous, and he'll make an excuse to get away. Do try and put a stop to that if he tries it. Just keep talking to him every chance you get.
This will result in either him telling you what's wrong, in which case you either fix it and get back together or... don't.
Or he'll just run a mile and you'll never see him again. I don't know enough to guess which will happen.
Original post by lad-lad
Sounds like he needs to grow a pair and tell you something.
lol to bugger off and stop trying to talk to him?
Original post by Anonymous
lol to bugger off and stop trying to talk to him?
From what you said I thought different. I think he likes you, hence gets nervous. But as a matter of pride cannot approach you or push things further. I think you ought to be braver and possibly ask him somehow.
Although seeing he is a bit of a coward like that, he might lie.
Original post by lad-lad
From what you said I thought different. I think he likes you, hence gets nervous. But as a matter of pride cannot approach you or push things further. I think you ought to be braver and possibly ask him somehow.
Although seeing he is a bit of a coward like that, he might lie.
Although seeing he is a bit of a coward like that, he might lie.
He knows how I feel,as I have let him know.He just never acknowledged it as such. he did approach me once afterwards and made slight conversation,but never mentioned it and still seemed nervous. I was pleased with the progress and didnt want to push him any further that evening,so decided to wait and approach him again a few days later (softly softly), unfortunately he had reverted back to being like a deerin headlights and once again i backed down feeling guilty for making him uncomfortable
Original post by Anonymous
He knows how I feel,as I have let him know.He just never acknowledged it as such. he did approach me once afterwards and made slight conversation,but never mentioned it and still seemed nervous. I was pleased with the progress and didnt want to push him any further that evening,so decided to wait and approach him again a few days later (softly softly), unfortunately he had reverted back to being like a deerin headlights and once again i backed down feeling guilty for making him uncomfortable
I don't usually defend girls on TSR because most of them are silly.
But I must say if you make him uncomfortable because you are trying to get things moving and you are more sociable person, you shouldn't be feeling guilty because of the fact that he has a bit of growing up to do
Original post by lad-lad
I don't usually defend girls on TSR because most of them are silly.
But I must say if you make him uncomfortable because you are trying to get things moving and you are more sociable person, you shouldn't be feeling guilty because of the fact that he has a bit of growing up to do
But I must say if you make him uncomfortable because you are trying to get things moving and you are more sociable person, you shouldn't be feeling guilty because of the fact that he has a bit of growing up to do
ha, well thank you kind sir i feel honoured!
To be honest, im very shy in general myself, so is he naturally, so it obviously going to be difficult and awkward for us both no matter what happens. I just feel as if I go about things totally the wrong way and make it worse. I try to mirror his behavior so I dont push him too far out of his comfort zone.
he might just genuinely hate me and want nothing to do with me though
has anyone else been in a similar position, or been the one who's feeling awkward?
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