Going abroad without telling parents

I don't see the issue. You don't want to tell them where you're going - why? I would understand if you had to ask permission to go anywhere but not having to tell them. If you're living with them then its just common sense and courtesy to tell them where you're going and when you'll be back.

If they don't like it, they can hardly stop you. You're an adult and its your choice, not theirs.

Reply 3

rachel.h

16

If you can't even go to the shop without them asking where you're going, the only thing that's going to happen if you disappear for days is that they'll worry like mad and call the police. Can't you say you're going with a friend? Or something to put their mind at rest.

Reply 4

OP

Original post by rachel.h

If you can't even go to the shop without them asking where you're going, the only thing that's going to happen if you disappear for days is that they'll worry like mad and call the police. Can't you say you're going with a friend? Or something to put their mind at rest.

I don't really have any close friends so they'd think something was up. I have an on off boyfriend but they'd easily find out I wasn't with him

Reply 5

OP

Original post by Kabloomybuzz

I don't see the issue. You don't want to tell them where you're going - why? I would understand if you had to ask permission to go anywhere but not having to tell them. If you're living with them then its just common sense and courtesy to tell them where you're going and when you'll be back.

If they don't like it, they can hardly stop you. You're an adult and its your choice, not theirs.

Because if I told them I was going abroad on my own, I'd get never ending questions and no privacy, and soon everyone would know.

Reply 6

Original post by Anonymous

Because if I told them I was going abroad on my own, I'd get never ending questions and no privacy, and soon everyone would know.

And you think its better to just go abroad alone with no one knowing where you are? What if something happened while you were away?

Of course they're going to ask questions. You're going abroad alone for the first time. They'll be concerned. Why do you care if they tell other people? Why is it such a big secret.

Sounds like you're not really mature enough to do this in my opinion.

Reply 7

Climbontoyourseahorse

9

Original post by Anonymous

I want to go abrod for a few days but i don't want my parents to know because they will be asking questions (I want to go for a personal thing), and will not like the place I am going to. They are the only thing in my way and I don't know what to do. Even if I go out the house to the shops they ask me where I am going.

My question is, how can I do it? Like, I don't want them to call the police and ring the airport and find out where I flew to....and I don't want to have my face on all the newspapers. I don't want to worry them, but I am 21 years old and wish I could just have the freedom to not answer where I go all the time.....maybe I am selfish but I am sacrficing doing things because of it. Is it possible to go abroad and not have them find out?

That has nothing to do with age. It sounds to me like you're living with your parents, and even when you are doing so as an adult they will still want to know where you're going. They do it because they care and take an interest in your life, and so that if something were to happen they would know where you had gone. It only becomes bothersome if you have something to hide.

Have a think about why your parents wouldn't be happy about you going to this place. The likelihood is that they would have good reason to feel uneasy. They are not out to spoil your fun. Far from it - they want what's best for you. Travelling alone carries dangers, particularly if you are female. You said that the reason for taking this proposed trip is personal. Do you really, honestly feel you can't talk to your parents about this? Your reluctance suggests to me that you know deep down that the trip isn't the wisest idea. But then, as you haven't told us anything about it either, I could be making a huge misjudgment.

If you go away without your parents knowing and they find out, they will monitor your behaviour even more closely and have reason to distrust you. It will be even worse if you actually lie to them than just not tell them. A short-term gain might lead to a long-term loss.

The police have enough to deal with - this is very selfish, as you have suggested. First, can you imagine the panic your parents would experience if they found out that you were missing and not where you had said you'd be? And secondly, like I said, you would be wasting police time. They could be saving lives with the time and money spent looking for you.

Reply 8

farfalla

6

Original post by Anonymous

I want to go abrod for a few days but i don't want my parents to know because they will be asking questions (I want to go for a personal thing), and will not like the place I am going to. They are the only thing in my way and I don't know what to do. Even if I go out the house to the shops they ask me where I am going.

My question is, how can I do it? Like, I don't want them to call the police and ring the airport and find out where I flew to....and I don't want to have my face on all the newspapers. I don't want to worry them, but I am 21 years old and wish I could just have the freedom to not answer where I go all the time.....maybe I am selfish but I am sacrficing doing things because of it. Is it possible to go abroad and not have them find out?

are u in UK?

Pretend you're going for a course, competition, summer internship interview or some stuff like that.

Reply 9

OP

Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse

That has nothing to do with age. It sounds to me like you're living with your parents, and even when you are doing so as an adult they will still want to know where you're going. They do it because they care and take an interest in your life, and so that if something were to happen they would know where you had gone. It only becomes bothersome if you have something to hide.

Have a think about why your parents wouldn't be happy about you going to this place. The likelihood is that they would have good reason to feel uneasy. They are not out to spoil your fun. Far from it - they want what's best for you. Travelling alone carries dangers, particularly if you are female. You said that the reason for taking this proposed trip is personal. Do you really, honestly feel you can't talk to your parents about this? Your reluctance suggests to me that you know deep down that the trip isn't the wisest idea. But then, as you haven't told us anything about it either, I could be making a huge misjudgment.

If you go away without your parents knowing and they find out, they will monitor your behaviour even more closely and have reason to distrust you. It will be even worse if you actually lie to them than just not tell them. A short-term gain might lead to a long-term loss.

The police have enough to deal with - this is very selfish, as you have suggested. First, can you imagine the panic your parents would experience if they found out that you were missing and not where you had said you'd be? And secondly, like I said, you would be wasting police time. They could be saving lives with the time and money spent looking for you.

But I'm an adult and want to travel, if I lived alone I wouldn't have to deal with this. I don't want the police involved, I just want to live my life without the restraints of my parents. If I wanted to go travelling around europe or something they would try and stop me going but other people get to do it....

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous

But I'm an adult and want to travel, if I lived alone I wouldn't have to deal with this. I don't want the police involved, I just want to live my life without the restraints of my parents. If I wanted to go travelling around europe or something they would try and stop me going but other people get to do it....

Well they can't stop you... but the consequences of not telling them aren't worth it.

Again, you sound like a whining child.

Reply 11

Climbontoyourseahorse

9

Original post by Anonymous

But I'm an adult and want to travel, if I lived alone I wouldn't have to deal with this. I don't want the police involved, I just want to live my life without the restraints of my parents. If I wanted to go travelling around europe or something they would try and stop me going but other people get to do it....

I admit that some parents are overprotective, but even so they usually have the best intentions. And yes, you may be an adult, but think about it like this: if your mum failed to come home one day, you'd call the police, wouldn't you? She's an adult. And even if you lived alone, it would be very wise to inform your parents of any trips away - and no, not in retrospect. Here's the thing: being over 18 or 21 does not make you invincible.

Have you ever had a proper, calm discussion with your parents about these sorts of matters? Or have you always been on the defensive? If you talk to them and tell what you'd like to do, tell them all the things you'd do to ensure your safety, express your appreciation at how much they care about you and actually listen to and consider their input, then you might see them change their minds. If you're bratty and don't consider anyone's viewpoint but your own then it is far less likely that they will be more lenient.

Another thing to add is that being alone in a foreign country is a daunting and lonely experience. You have said that the purpose of the trip is 'personal', which implies to me that it is likely that the objective carries some emotional weight. Do you really think you could handle this alone?

(edited 11 years ago)

Reply 12

OP

Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse

I admit that some parents are overprotective, but even so they usually have the best intentions. And yes, you may be an adult, but think about it like this: if your mum failed to come home one day, you'd call the police, wouldn't you? She's an adult. And even if you lived alone, it would be very wise to inform your parents of any trips away - and no, not in retrospect. Here's the thing: being over 18 or 21 does not make you invincible.

Have you ever had a proper, calm discussion with your parents about these sorts of matters? Or have you always been on the defensive? If you talk to them and them what you'd like to do, tell them all the things you'd do to ensure your safety, express your appreciation at how much they care about you and actually listen to and consider their input, then you might see them change their minds. If you're bratty and don't consider anyone's viewpoint but your own then it is far less likely that they will be more lenient.

My date is very judgmental and can be prejudiced so I really can't tell him about this. My sister does whatever she wants and because it's normal for her they don't bat an eyelid, but because I usually stay at home doing nothing, if I do something I get questioned because it's out of the norm. Like if I said I'm going out clubbing with people from uni I'd be questioned until the cows come home.

Reply 13

OP

Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse

I admit that some parents are overprotective, but even so they usually have the best intentions. And yes, you may be an adult, but think about it like this: if your mum failed to come home one day, you'd call the police, wouldn't you? She's an adult. And even if you lived alone, it would be very wise to inform your parents of any trips away - and no, not in retrospect. Here's the thing: being over 18 or 21 does not make you invincible.

Have you ever had a proper, calm discussion with your parents about these sorts of matters? Or have you always been on the defensive? If you talk to them and tell what you'd like to do, tell them all the things you'd do to ensure your safety, express your appreciation at how much they care about you and actually listen to and consider their input, then you might see them change their minds. If you're bratty and don't consider anyone's viewpoint but your own then it is far less likely that they will be more lenient.

Another thing to add is that being alone in a foreign country is a daunting and lonely experience. You have said that the purpose of the trip is 'personal', which implies to me that it is likely that the objective carries some emotional weight. Do you really think you could handle this alone?

Sorry I meant 'dad' not date

Reply 14

username447608

14

why not just saying your going with some friends?

Reply 15

OP

Original post by SillyMilly

why not just saying your going with some friends?

Because I don't have any close friends so they'd be all interested about who they are. My family have no boundaries about what is and isn't their business

Reply 16