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    at least you're not at st johns
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    (Original post by HighestKungFu)
    Suicide rates are actually quite high at Oxford and Cambridge, I wonder if this is a contributory factor (it's most likely the workload but it could be).

    You're from a different world to most of them. Class distinction in England is still strikingly strong, and many of the Oxford types are simply from a completely different world. It may be a case of either conforming to their way of thinking and thus faking your way through university, or switch ingto Birmingham and enjoying yourself better amongst a more mixed group of individuals.

    In all honesty I think Oxford is a bastion of everything that is wrong with this country. I much prefer Cambridge which is moving with the times.

    P.S. The next time a pompous conceited little **** sits down next to you and lectures you on how **** Carlsberg is and that girls should drink wine, punch the ****ing **** in the face for me please. Thanks.

    Mostly agree with this.

    I find this very interesting because a Non English Chinese person I find I can socialise with both groups.

    I went to public school but I actually really like UK working class culture, maybe because we Chinese are all working class at heart.
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    OP, I'm really, really sorry you are having a hard time at Oxford. People like the students you have described give the place a bad name.

    I can't advise you on whether to go or stay - only you know what's right for you. However, I know you say you've spoken to your Senior Tutor, but did you talk with your subject tutors/personal tutor as well? Can they help you? Have you tried the welfare service? There is a lot of help at Oxford if you reach out for it.

    I don't know whether it's possible to switch College, but that's worth asking about too, just in case. The advice about joining university societies is very worthwhile too.

    Pm me if you want to chat, if you feel able to let me know which College (or subject) I might know someone there. I live not far from Oxford, and pop down quite often, so if you need someone to come round and give one of these idiots a good slapping ... :mad:

    :hugs:
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    I'd disagree with the majority on here.

    I certainly wouldn't just quit right away. You can't just run away from things the moment they get difficult!

    I'd certainly try to speak to your tutor etc to see if they can help your situation at all.
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    Don't leave. Stick at it. you'll find someone eventually :/ it always feels weird when you're so far from your comfort zone.
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    (Original post by Warrior King)
    Thanks but I'm a little surprised by the amount of people willing to advise the OP to "quit now and go to Birmingham and have fun".

    People told me to quit when I felt like I wasn't enjoying my time at medical school. If had followed that advice without trying to improve the situation, I wouldn't be able to follow my desired path of becoming a doctor.
    Your situations are completely different though. By transferring from Oxford to do the same course at Birmingham, then unless the OP is interested in becoming an investment banker, high-court judge, barrister or something very high-end like that, she doesn't really close off any doors. I doubt the OP has done absolutely nothing to try and change her situation, and you only get to go to university once (usually).

    Furthermore, this isn't a rash decision the OP is making. If this was her first week or something, then obviously the majority would be telling her to give it time and see what happens. But she's been there for a year and can't stand the place, so the best move for her seems to be to leave. "Running" from your problems is not something to be condemend automatically- sometimes you have to pick your battles in life.

    You'd be amazed what a change in environment can bring about. The few people on this site I know who have left Oxford or Cambridge have all gone onto flourish at their new universities.
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    (Original post by innerhollow)
    Also, you'd be amazed what a change in environment can bring about. The few people on this site I know who have left Oxford or Cambridge have all gone onto flourish at their new universities.
    And I know several who spent the first year unhappy and then hit their stride in second year and had a really good two years after There is no right or wrong answer here.
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    (Original post by Zoedotdot)
    And I know several who spent the first year unhappy and then hit their stride in second year and had a really good two years after There is no right or wrong answer here.
    Of course there's never a right or wrong answer as to what to do in life, things could always change. However, you still need to make decisions, and it would seem that the only things keeping the OP at Oxford are family pressure and her perception of job prospects. That's not a great premise to continue onto further years of study. Although the whole "follow your heart" concept is cliched and a bit pathetic, there is some truth to it. If the OP feels that she has made a decision for herself, rather than for her family, that will give her a sense of confidence in what she undertakes next.
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    (Original post by lissi08)
    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I've done two terms of my first year and have been unhappy from very early on. I am very lonely. I have no close friends and find my college very gossipy and cliquey. I'm friendly and sociable but most of the people in college are very indifferent to me. Some purposely choose not to include me. I find I go whole days without seeing a soul.

    Sometimes I wonder whether the world I come from and my outlook on life makes me unappealing as a friend to Oxford students. I've been brought up in a totally working-class family. I'm one of few in my family that did A Levels and the first to go on to higher education.

    Some little things that have happened are stupid but have really hurt me and knocked my confidence.
    Once I was talking to an American student about Strictly Come Dancing and a girl standing adjacent to our conversation suddenly butted in and said "In England we say DARNCE not dance."
    Another time I went to the college bar and ordered half a lager and the boy next to me rolled his eyes. He proceeded to sit down at the table I was sat at and make a speech about how girls should drink wine and how Carlsberg was the cheapest ****test drink he'd ever tasted. I've been drinking Carlsberg since I was 15 and funnily enough, I actually like the taste of it. But in saying something in situations like these maybe it just puts more people off including me rather than them realising that there is a world outside of middle-class London.

    It makes me very sad when I see my home friends at other places having the time of their life. More often now when I phone them they are always too busy for a chat. I feel like I am relying on them and they don't really need me any more.

    I am getting more and more depressed and downheared and I wish I had never applied to Oxford. Because once I got in I felt I couldn't possibly turn it down.

    I made a few phonecalls and I have a place at the University of Birmingham if I want it.

    Being honest with myself I know I would be much happier in the completely different atmosphere at Birmingham.

    But at the back of my mind...and my parents... is job prospects. People are telling me no matter how miserable I am I can't drop out because its oxford.

    I'm running out of time to tell Birmingham if I want the place. I have absolutely hated the time I have spent at Oxford but for job reasons only am hesitant to firm Birmingham. I don't know what to do.
    Firstly well done on getting into Oxford. Secondly don't throw that away because of some snobby pricks.
    Drink what YOU want to drink. It is dance, not DARNCE, so ignore that idiot; and ignore all the other idiots who don't accept you for who you are.
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    OP, are there no positives whatsoever? Would it help to draw up a table or something? I often find it helpful just talking out loud to myself (preferably not in a public place ) and I try to listen to what my gut tells me. That way you should be able to come to a decision.
    This is of course a life-changing step you are contemplating here. Being in such an excellent university merits that much more consideration as to whether to stay or not-- but there comes a point when personal happiness is so low that it is just not worth persevering with, no matter the prestige or status of the institution. That is to say, try to stick it out as long as poss and try to turn things around. Things might improve, but if not then at least you can leave knowing you genuinely gave it a good go. This means you may have to forego Brum this year. It does sound as if you accept them now, it will be a bit of a rushed decision, which may bring fresh problems of its own. If you do decide to leave Oxford, if anything I reckon you should take a year out to recuperate and recover your confidence, work and play hard, and then reapply to a fresh set of unis that you feel you would be happy in.
    The most important thing you must do NOW is go talk to as many tutors/advisors as poss for help. Hell, talk to anyone who will listen. They know you better than we do, and can help you make the best, most informed decision for yourself. And you won't have been the first, so don't feel bad.

    Sorry to hear this btw, do hope it gets sorted soon!!


    (Original post by Txi)
    Mostly agree with this.

    I find this very interesting because a Non English Chinese person I find I can socialise with both groups.

    I went to public school but I actually really like UK working class culture, maybe because we Chinese are all working class at heart.
    What?
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    (Original post by innerhollow)
    Your situations are completely different though. By transferring from Oxford to do the same course at Birmingham, then unless the OP is interested in becoming an investment banker, high-court judge, barrister or something very high-end like that, she doesn't really close off any doors. I doubt the OP has done absolutely nothing to try and change her situation, and you only get to go to university once (usually).

    Furthermore, this isn't a rash decision the OP is making. If this was her first week or something, then obviously the majority would be telling her to give it time and see what happens. But she's been there for a year and can't stand the place, so the best move for her seems to be to leave. "Running" from your problems is not something to be condemend automatically- sometimes you have to pick your battles in life.

    You'd be amazed what a change in environment can bring about. The few people on this site I know who have left Oxford or Cambridge have all gone onto flourish at their new universities.
    Did I condemn her decision at all? No I didn't, I think you need to read my posts again. My situation is not exactly the same as the OP but did draw parallels and similarities. All I am saying is that it would be a shame if after all those years of hard work, dedication and passion, that she had to leave the university she for long dreamt of studying at based on her experiences of a few narrow-minded ignorant parasites.

    She wouldn't be running from her problems at all. If anything it would take a lot of courage and bravery to admit what she has just done on this forum and leave. But people seem to have this idea that Oxford is somehow some magical land different from reality. The real world isn't much different. You'll find as much ignorance, narrow-mindedness and sometimes vile and repulsive human beings in every other town, city, country or university in the world as you would at Oxford. And God forbid if the OP were to unfortunately experience similar episodes at Birmingham or any other university, this could may well trigger a chain of regrets.

    I said what I did from personal experience of being in a not too different situation but then turning around and asking myself what I really wanted from this and to me that was to achieve my end goal and I'll be damned if anyone is going to stop me from doing that.

    Yes university is about having a good time but you can have a good time at any place you can study at. University life is what you make of it. And first and foremost you are there for an education and there will be times where going out, playing sport etc may have to sit on the back burner and studies come first. This is no different to commitments in a professional working career.

    Perhaps it's different for fresher's and pre-university students compared to a veteran like myself. Perhaps you are all blinded by the bright lights of being able to party long and hard into the night and a utopia of £1 pints at the Student Union or doing something new like Trampolining or a Malaysian martial art or something. That's understandable. University is the next major step in your life. But isn't it supposed to be about your education first and foremost?

    And if you are academically capable of cracking a tough nut like Oxford but walk away because of a few "bullies" then that's wasting potential and opportunities like that may never come again.
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    Do you enjoy your course? (I don't think you mentioned your subject). If you're enjoying the work (although goodness knows when you've got an essay crisis 'enjoy' is the last thing on your mind!) then in a sense, that's the main thing. Loneliness can be sorted out - have you joined any societies? Sports, music etc? As others have mentioned, if you're that unhappy then it's definitely possible to switch colleges. You should be able to talk to your college chaplain, welfare tutor, senior tutor etc. Does your college have peer supporters? They give good advice and are always completely confidential. Completely understand that you don't want to mention your college, but there honestly are colleges that don't have that London-upper/middle class bias. Not to be biased or anything, but Hertford is a really down to earth college, lots of state school students, northerners etc (me being both).

    If you're not enjoying the course in addition to feeling lonely, then it might be better to switch, but consider switching your college first - might be the best option.
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    I think you've done so well on getting into Oxford in being the first in your family to go to uni etc. that really is a fantastic achievement.

    If you really really hate being there to the point where you're feeling sad and lonely all the time, you're probably best off considering leaving Oxford and taking up Birmingham's place. You need to think this through long and hard though, because questions might be asked in the future about why you left etc. People don't tend to do very well academically if their private life isn't going well, and it often comes across in your work so if your marks are slipping this could be the reason.

    As for the snobs you come across, ignore them, at least you're down to earth! People like that may be super intelligent but have the ugliest personalities ever. Keep your head up high and don't rise to it.

    I was speaking to a teacher of mine the other day, and she went to Oxford briefly to do Law after getting straight As at A-level, but she was in a similar position to you where she hated the snobbery and wanted to be somewhere more down-to-earth and friendly. She moved to the Uni of Manchester and loved it. I'm by no means saying everyone who goes to Oxford is really stuck-up because that would be a load of rubbish, but this was the experience of a teacher of mine.

    Speak to your tutor if possible about how it is making you feel staying there, and they should be able to help you make a decision. Best of luck.
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    Hello, dear OP.
    I gotta say I could end up in the same situation as you, although I backed off before actually going to university - got a working-class background, and an offer from Oxford. I needed just the three days during the interview period to realise it's quite possibly not the place for me; it just didn't feel right. I ended up declining the offer after summing up all the pros and cons (and a looong battle with myself) and picked Birmingham instead.. and you know what?

    That's a relief. Can't possibly see myself regretting it anytime soon - Birmingham just seems so much more relaxed and open. And I get to stay at home with my family and near my old friends. I wouldn't say 'just give up and switch unis', but I wouldn't say you should be a masochist for the sake of the word 'Oxford' on your diploma, either. People will be like 'Oooh but it's *Oxford*', but.. I guess in the end it's the ability that counts most, not the name of the university you went to.

    And besides, uni time is supposed to be the best time of our lives - so hopefully you will make the right choice, whatever it might be, and make it the best time of your life.
    (and if you pick Birmingham in the end - see you there.)
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    I suggest you leave.

    At the end of day, what is top priority is your happiness. You can dress up unhappiness in all sorts of fancy words but when you look back in the future, I can guarantee that you'll just see unhappiness and discontentment.
    Please leave. It's not feeling so down about a place, especially when it's in your power to move with ease.
    I hope you feel happier whatever you choose.
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    (Original post by K2-8001)
    Hello, dear OP.
    I gotta say I could end up in the same situation as you, although I backed off before actually going to university - got a working-class background, and an offer from Oxford. I needed just the three days during the interview period to realise it's quite possibly not the place for me; it just didn't feel right. I ended up declining the offer after summing up all the pros and cons (and a looong battle with myself) and picked Birmingham instead.. and you know what?
    Can I ask, what was it that made you feel like Oxford wasn't for you? Just the general atmosphere or something?

    I can honestly say that even if I could, I would never want to go to Oxbridge. There's no way that I could ever feel happy and completely at ease there.
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    (Original post by lissi08)
    I'm thinking about leaving Oxford.

    I don't know what to do.
    I'm sure you're probably bored with all the replies and i cant be bothered to look through them all but the most important thing is your happiness. Sure it looks good if you went to oxford but thats not the be all anmd end all. You can still do just as well if you go to another uni.

    Also is it possible to distance yourself from these idiots? Not everyone there will be like that and i'm sure there are a lot that you would get on really well with

    If you feel that you can't be happy at oxford then leave! This should be a time to have fun not have people make you feel like crap
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    (Original post by Racheld25)
    I'd have nutted the cow who butted in your conversation about the correct pronunciation of 'dance'. Seriously.
    Can you tell what kind of background I have?
    I would guess that you're Scottish.
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    (Original post by MagicNMedicine)
    I would guess that you're Scottish.
    I do have a Scottish somewhere in my blood line, yes. Bingo.
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    (Original post by Warrior King)
    Did I condemn her decision at all?
    Ah, but I never said you did. I was just pointing out that "running away" from problems, despite its negative connotations, can be the most sensible move.

    My situation is not exactly the same as the OP but did draw parallels and similarities. All I am saying is that it would be a shame if after all those years of hard work, dedication and passion, that she had to leave the university she for long dreamt of studying at based on her experiences of a few narrow-minded ignorant parasites.

    She wouldn't be running from her problems at all. If anything it would take a lot of courage and bravery to admit what she has just done on this forum and leave. But people seem to have this idea that Oxford is somehow some magical land different from reality. The real world isn't much different. You'll find as much ignorance, narrow-mindedness and sometimes vile and repulsive human beings in every other town, city, country or university in the world as you would at Oxford. And God forbid if the OP were to unfortunately experience similar episodes at Birmingham or any other university, this could may well trigger a chain of regrets.

    I said what I did from personal experience of being in a not too different situation but then turning around and asking myself what I really wanted from this and to me that was to achieve my end goal and I'll be damned if anyone is going to stop me from doing that.

    Yes university is about having a good time but you can have a good time at any place you can study at. University life is what you make of it. And first and foremost you are there for an education and there will be times where going out, playing sport etc may have to sit on the back burner and studies come first. This is no different to commitments in a professional working career.

    And if you are academically capable of cracking a tough nut like Oxford but walk away because of a few "bullies" then that's wasting potential and opportunities like that may never come again.
    Trust me, not everyone's that keen on Oxford. If family pressure is compelling OP to stay at Oxford, then you can bet that it family pressure contributed in getting her there. And more importantly, graduating from Birmingham instead of Oxford most likely won't stop her from pursuing what she wants to in the future.

    Of course there's every possibility that the OP could hate Birmingham, but that's the risk you take. It's better to take a risk on your own grounds, rather than letting family pressure dictate your choices.

    And it's not about "a few bullies". The entire environment appears to be draining the OP's energy. The events she described come across as trivial- which illustrates how uncomfortable she is with the place if these little things bother her.


    Perhaps it's different for fresher's and pre-university students compared to a veteran like myself. Perhaps you are all blinded by the bright lights of being able to party long and hard into the night and a utopia of £1 pints at the Student Union or doing something new like Trampolining or a Malaysian martial art or something. That's understandable. University is the next major step in your life. But isn't it supposed to be about your education first and foremost?
    Please refrain from being so utterly condescending, we're both here to help the OP, this is not some opportunity for you to exert your assumed superiority as an older and wiser "veteran" over me, the clearly stupid and naive "pre-fresher". If you knew the first thing about my attitudes towards partying vs. my attitudes towards education you'd feel positively retarded for posting what you just wrote.

    Education and contentment go hand-in-hand- it's not about compromising one for the other. People who are content are able to muster the motivation and willpower to succeed in their education. If the OP is able to go to a university where she feels comfortable and accepted (which she doesn't at the moment), she will be in a better place to do well in her studies.
 
 
 

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