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If you're "meant to be with" someone, should you be desperate to be with them?

I've been dating this guy for nearly a month now, but earlier I was having a think, and realised I'm really happy as I am. I moved to a new city this year and I love work, my friends, my housemates, my family, everything is really clicked together. I like the guy I'm seeing, don't get me wrong we have loads of fun, but I don't feel like having him as my official boyfriend is something I'm really desperate for, I'm happy either way.

Do you think if it was a long term goer then my feelings for him should be a lot more intense now?

Reply 1

tomatosardine

Maybe, but a month isn't exactly a long time. Think about how much time you're spending with him.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

I feel the same about my long-term boyfriend, and I've actually been wondering the same thing recently. At times he's been almost everything to me, but that was when everything else was going wrong in my life.

Right now everything is so great for me, I feel like I could get along fine without him. I know it probably won't last forever though, and so I need to try and remind myself that he's the one I want to be there for me next time life takes a downturn.

I would suggest just taking it easy to begin with, and see how it turns out.

Reply 3

sheepy18

I knew my partner was the one within a couple of weeks. I was desperate to be with him and still want him more than anything 3yrs on. I guess if you don't feel that way then he's not.

Reply 4

Rainman88

Original post by sheepy18

I knew my partner was the one within a couple of weeks. I was desperate to be with him and still want him more than anything 3yrs on. I guess if you don't feel that way then he's not.

Huh? Who died and made you the expert on relationships and feelings?

Reply 5

Ribbits

I don't think 'desperation to be with them' is necessarily the healthiest indication of longevity in a relationship.

I got along amazingly well with my boyfriend, we spent most of our time together. It was fun and comfortable, our personalities and outlooks fitted very well. I was happy with everything else in my life too, I didn't feel like I needed him to be happy. If he had left me at the beginning of the relationship, it would have been upsetting/uncomfortable for a while because I thought we were a good match, I'd wonder in the future what could have been - but I don't think it would have been completely devastating. Clearly I definitely liked him and wanted to be with him, for all the right reasons; I don't think I am the kind of person who is even capable of instant intense infatuation though. My feelings have grown increasingly strong over time as we've learned more about each other and grown closer, so now a year later I feel inextricably linked to him. I don't know what the future holds, but so far the relationship has been very healthy and happy with no problems.
I think it makes sense that your feelings grow and things become more certain as you spend more time with them. However, I suppose there is also the possibility that people who aren't really a good match just grow stronger feelings of connection over time purely because of familiarity and shared experience. I think you can feel the difference between a genuinely good relationship and a weak one, but no one's truly an expert in these matters. *shrugs*

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 6

Lucia.

I wonder about this too sometimes because I'm thinking about whether love should feel intense and passionate in such a way that you can't let them go...but you can't hold on to this feeling forever. Of the two serious relationships I've had there was a lot of passion in one but also a lot of pain...In the other, when I think about, there wasn't a lot of passion when you weigh it up over time. I think somehow there should be a balance between the two. But you're "desperate" for someone it might not be an indicator of true romantic feelings. Instead it might just say that you want someone to cling on to...relationships based on that inevitably break down.