I gave up trying - Doing no contact Watch

Nowak
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So I asked yet another time. She still doesn't know/says 'No', she outright rejected me. And I deleted her of facebook, and said I will have to quit contact for a while, perhaps forever to regain my emotional stability. We talked some, so she understands.

Now, she just stopped following me, deleting me skype, off everything. What the hell:C I'm still gonna have to do this, but is she really this cold? I miss her already, like my heart aches, badly. Considering begging her to take me back, and stay friends/****friends.

What the hell do I do.
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Daniel_R
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(Original post by Nowak)
So I asked yet another time. She still doesn't know/says 'No', she outright rejected me. And I deleted her of facebook, and said I will have to quit contact for a while, perhaps forever to regain my emotional stability. We talked some, so she understands.

Now, she just stopped following me, deleting me skype, off everything. What the hell:C I'm still gonna have to do this, but is she really this cold? I miss her already, like my heart aches, badly. Considering begging her to take me back, and stay friends/****friends.

What the hell do I do.
Don't let your feelings get the better of you, just let her go.

You will feel better in a few weeks and won't feel a loser for begging/stalking her
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Nowak
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Hell, I can't. It's just been a hour. And it hurts like ****. How can I possibly sleep tonight ;___; Now she wanted to remain friends. We talked every day for 7 months. We really connected, but she wouldn't leave her girlfriend for me.

Here's my first thread, a little backstory:
http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/show...076&highlight=
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Nowak
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And now I got an email that she just subscribed to a spotify playlist I made her two weeks ago. What the hell. Talk about confusing ;__;
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Dembers
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Exactly what the chap above said, with every day that goes past it will feel a lot easier. Never go back begging her to become your friend, you want her to understand that she's lost you as a friend, and not vice versa. If she doesnt react to losing you as a friend, then shes not worth keeping in touch with. Either way, the longer you maintain no contact the better, you'll begin to see that there are other people out there.

I was going through a similar situation a couple of months ago (still am to an extent) and i can promise you that any contact with your ex will put you back quite a lot. It'll just make the pain worse. No contact is honestly the only way to go, you'll probably realise quite a few things about your ex and yourself in the mean time too.
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Nowak
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Yea, couldn't do it. I am weak. Just messaged her to take me back, it's been an hour.
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Daniel_R
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Sometimes we have to learn things the hard way :/
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Nowak
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Haha. She took me back despite all this <3 I had to. I mean, I couldn't survive an hour without her. I'm better off being her friend, and take it slowly.
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Jammie_x
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No offence, but all this spotify crap, unfollowing etc. is a bit childish of her.. She got to the stage where she had to delete you etc.? Did you keep trying to talk to her? The problem is that everyone else is right.. You are most likely better off without her.. or at least stop talking to her for a bit so you get to only like her as a friend. Trust me, loving this woman and being her friend will only lead to disaster since you will always want more.. and because she don't wanna rush it, you might resent her for it for not feeling the same way..
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Nowak
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Yeah, it was hard for her too. That's why she deleted me from everything, in hope it would be easier. I didn't talk to her.

I figured I can't live without to her, so I messaged her on facebook. And we're back to the old now. Hope she realizes how much I ment, that one hour because I couldn't do it any longer.

I've been waiting half a year, might as well wait another 6 months. I'm better off cutting her out slowly, or finding somebody else I think.
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Millie228
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No, you're not better off cutting her out slowly. And remaining friends is an awful idea.
You're better off cutting her completely and feel absolutely miserable for some time, but feel better faster after that. And although you probably don't care about it atm., keeping a slice of your dignity will make you feel better in the long run.

I was dating a guy and I saw it falling apart about a month ago. I cut him off - I was the one to really end it, although I sensed he'd been drifting. I've felt bad this entire month. Yesterday he updated his profile picture to a picture with a girl and I thought I was going to die. But I am not messaging him and I am not "remaining in touch". The only two consequences of that are a) you'll come off as needy and desperate and b) it'll take you longer to move on.
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Nowak
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(Original post by Millie228)
No, you're not better off cutting her out slowly. And remaining friends is an awful idea.
You're better off cutting her completely and feel absolutely miserable for some time, but feel better faster after that. And although you probably don't care about it atm., keeping a slice of your dignity will make you feel better in the long run.

I was dating a guy and I saw it falling apart about a month ago. I cut him off - I was the one to really end it, although I sensed he'd been drifting. I've felt bad this entire month. Yesterday he updated his profile picture to a picture with a girl and I thought I was going to die. But I am not messaging him and I am not "remaining in touch". The only two consequences of that are a) you'll come off as needy and desperate and b) it'll take you longer to move on.
But you see. She already has a girlfriend of 3 years. And she has too much empathy and concience to leave her even if she's got feelings for me. She told me she wouldn't leave her unless it was catastrophic. I just gotta accept the fact she will never leave for me, and try only see her as a f***friend/very good friend.

Didn't help that we dated half a year. And she is still interested in being intimate with me, stuff like that. I think I just have to meet somebody else with her on the side - because I'm too attached to her.
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Millie228
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(Original post by Nowak)
But you see. She already has a girlfriend of 3 years. And she has too much empathy and concience to leave her even if she's got feelings for me. She told me she wouldn't leave her unless it was catastrophic. I just gotta accept the fact she will never leave for me, and try only see her as a f***friend/very good friend.

Didn't help that we dated half a year. And she is still interested in being intimate with me, stuff like that. I think I just have to meet somebody else with her on the side - because I'm too attached to her.
The fact that she stays with her girlfriend means she likes her girlfriend more than she likes you and consider her better long term material. No matter what she says, that is the situation.
If you've been intimate with her while she is in a relationship, she is also a cheater. If she's willing to cheat with you, she'd be willing to cheat on you.
You need to cut her off because she'll drag you down with her. If you still have a slight sense of moral, you'll dismiss her. You're also screwing over another person.
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Nowak
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(Original post by Millie228)
The fact that she stays with her girlfriend means she likes her girlfriend more than she likes you and consider her better long term material. No matter what she says, that is the situation.
If you've been intimate with her while she is in a relationship, she is also a cheater. If she's willing to cheat with you, she'd be willing to cheat on you.
You need to cut her off because she'll drag you down with her. If you still have a slight sense of moral, you'll dismiss her. You're also screwing over another person.
If her girlfriend really loved her, she'd let her go. She is no longer sexually or physically attracted to her. She doesn't feel jealousy towards her and she is willing to "cheat" with me, on her. (It's been lke this for almost a year) But her girlfriends keeps her there by being a crybaby, not leaving her peace, she knows this, she knows she is not satisfied. Obvioulsy seeking it other places(me). The relationship they have is a pure friendship, she doesn't realize this - and I have become her source of happiness (sexually/intellectually/emotionally).

I know it's immoral. But we make each other happy. And I have immense love for her, or I wouldn't have waited. We'll remain friends, because she's also a friend to me, a dear friend. However I accept that we won't be together. I'm not telling I'm the right person for her, or assume that I'm better although she has said these things in the past. I accept it's over.
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echeee
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(Original post by Nowak)
But her girlfriends keeps her there by being a crybaby, not leaving her peace
Like you, you mean? Where you stropped and deleted her then cried for her to come back. :rolleyes:

I can't empathize in this situation, had this been a heterosexual relationship you'd have been flamed by now for being a "home wrecker" "****" "man-stealer" which the Relationship section of TSR has been known for doing.

If she "wants to make it work" with her girlfriend then obviously she still likes her, she's probably feeding you the "we don't have chemistry!" line to keep you around. As you said yourself, her actions always speak louder than her words.

Everyone else here is right, applying no contact will be more healthier for you in the long-run than "waiting another 6 months then fading her out."

Also, what happens if you meet someone else? Are you going to be like she is to her girlfriend and run off and cheat on her?

:rolleyes:
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Nowak
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(Original post by echeee)
Like you, you mean? Where you stropped and deleted her then cried for her to come back. :rolleyes:

I can't empathize in this situation, had this been a heterosexual relationship you'd have been flamed by now for being a "home wrecker" "****" "man-stealer" which the Relationship section of TSR has been known for doing.

If she "wants to make it work" with her girlfriend then obviously she still likes her, she's probably feeding you the "we don't have chemistry!" line to keep you around. As you said yourself, her actions always speak louder than her words.

Everyone else here is right, applying no contact will be more healthier for you in the long-run than "waiting another 6 months then fading her out."

Also, what happens if you meet someone else? Are you going to be like she is to her girlfriend and run off and cheat on her?

:rolleyes:
Home wrecker? What. I didn't even know she had a girlfriend when I first met her, she was the one hitting on me in the first place. And she didn't tell me before I'd fallen for her. And, yes, she is trying to make it work with her girlfriend obviously. I know she loves her. But when the chemistry is gone, it's gone right. I don't know.

No, the "we don't have chemistry/sex/attraction" and all this is true. I didn't cry for her to come back. Bad wording. I just changed my mind simply, and we're too close to just end it like this. I'm not gonna be that egoistic in this situation.

I'm not gonna do that. I'm monogamous, obviously. And into monogamous relationships only. We'll see what happens if I meet someone else. It's unlikely I'll meet someone in the near future anyway. But we've been talking about it, she'll become very sad of course, and she said it'll be very strange and it will be, without a doubt.
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soxygirl
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I honestly think this girl is messing you about and you need to cut her out of your life. I know it's hard and hurts but in the long run you're better off. The fact that she never told you she had a gf and didn't stop being intimate with you even when her relationship was no longer open makes her unfaithful. I don't believe infidelity is black and white - it seems like a very complicated situation - but she needs to make a decision, she can't have her gf and you too and it really doesn't seem to me like the two could ever be "Just friends". I feel harsh saying it but if she wanted to be with you as much as she says she would end things with her current partner - if she loves and respects her as much as she says she does she would release her and stop hurting her because it seems to me like her current gf is probably suffering quite a bit in this scenario too.

In reference to you finding someone else and you considering it, "Unlikely," what makes it unlikely is you clinging onto this old relationship. I really think by staying friends with this girl you'll just be subconsciously waiting about for either her relationship to end or her to let things go back to how they were and that's not fair on you. You need to forget her for everyone's happiness.
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mikeyd85
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(Original post by Nowak)
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You're being played. She's taking you for a fool and stringing you along like some kind of puppet. Get out now. She ain't ever leaving her girlfriend for you, so move on.
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Nowak
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(Original post by soxygirl)
I honestly think this girl is messing you about and you need to cut her out of your life. I know it's hard and hurts but in the long run you're better off. The fact that she never told you she had a gf and didn't stop being intimate with you even when her relationship was no longer open makes her unfaithful. I don't believe infidelity is black and white - it seems like a very complicated situation - but she needs to make a decision, she can't have her gf and you too and it really doesn't seem to me like the two could ever be "Just friends". I feel harsh saying it but if she wanted to be with you as much as she says she would end things with her current partner - if she loves and respects her as much as she says she does she would release her and stop hurting her because it seems to me like her current gf is probably suffering quite a bit in this scenario too.

In reference to you finding someone else and you considering it, "Unlikely," what makes it unlikely is you clinging onto this old relationship. I really think by staying friends with this girl you'll just be subconsciously waiting about for either her relationship to end or her to let things go back to how they were and that's not fair on you. You need to forget her for everyone's happiness.
You're right about the first paragraph. And I agree.

It's unlikely for me to find somebody new because i'm first and foremost gay, and I find very few people attractive + I don't live in a city, just yet. I don't wanna forget or cut her out of my life just now. We're very good friends as well. It's hard to explain our relationship. However, it's not like I won't let "leave" her if I find someone else. Then I'll have to.

I guess my feelings will subside after a while. That I'll care less and less about her. If it's not ment to be, we will both start caring less right? So it's really no problem.
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Millie228
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(Original post by Nowak)
Home wrecker? What. I didn't even know she had a girlfriend when I first met her
But you do now. So no excuses.

(Original post by Nowak)
I'm monogamous, obviously. And into monogamous relationships only.
No, you're not, otherwise you would have been in one.

I don't care what this girl says. Nobody stays in a relationship because of pity. She would have left her gf for you if she wanted ou enough. If she wanted you more than her gf. End of story. You're her f-buddy only, you're also "the other woman".

Things will not fade the way they are supposed to if you stay in touch with her. You're saying you are too weak to get out of it and I believe you, but you're not just doing thos for your own sake, you're doing it because what you're in is morally wrong and it's your duty to cut it off.
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