AS - English Lit AQA-C Mark my work pls

just wondering if someone could just mark my work (only section A) and also maybe help improve my writing and other aspects where you think i went wrong. left my revision and what not pretty late, 1 week before the exam.

AQA-LTA1C-QP-Jun12 - (long walk to freedom)

‘Freedom’, it is a word that is heavy in meaning, throughout history men have used it to inspire the oppressed, the weak, the minority. In Nelson Mandela’s autobiography it is used as a reminder, that all humans have a right to it and that no man should strive to take it away from another. It is a word that has presumably kept Nelson Mandela’s liberated in his mind through all these years. Initially he strives for the freedom of his own people, then for all people. This autobiography could’ve been released to give hope and remind the people that freedom isn’t solely individual’s rights, but all peoples.
The text begins with Mandela speaking of an epiphany, ‘my hunger for the freedom of own people became a hunger for the freedom of all people, white and black.’ He realises that what he first perceived as his own imprisonment was actually the imprisonment of himself and his gaolers, ‘a man who takes away another man’s freedom is a prisoner of hatred’, suggesting that the man who persecutes the oppressed is confined to oppressing and has lost his choice to do anything else. He uses words to show how they are divided, ‘white and black’, ‘the oppressed and oppressor’ but this contrast is also used as the crux to the argument that they are both stuck in stereotypes. He uses repetition of the word ‘oppress’ to convey a dual nature between both the ‘oppressed’ and ‘oppressor’.
The use of repetition to convey his message is similar to the poem ‘Still I Rise’ by Maya Angelou, but while her poem was structured in such a way as to build up anticipation, Nelson Mandela is almost insistent in the use of words like ‘freedom’, ‘oppressed’ in a constant manner. While Angelou uses repetition of ‘I rise’ mostly at the end of stanzas until the last fifteen line stanza where it is used in a faster and increasing number of lines. This could be because Angelou tries to inspire her people (was released in 1978 when there was still issues with race), while Mandela’s text seems to be hinting at being a warning not to fall into the trap of complacency ‘there are more hills to climb’.
However Mandela’s message isn’t all of warning, it is also filled with hope, contrasting to the play ‘Bent’ by Martin Sherman. While there are few similarities between the two pieces of work (they both contain perspectives of individuals stuck in confinement) Mandela’s is ultimately a success story ‘to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me’ and while he spent 30 years in prison he is portrayed as never losing hope in the passages. While ‘Bent’ can be faceted under the guise of despair, the final act of the play being a macabre setting of suffering, the cruelty reaching a climax as Max ends his life to join his lover who dies moments before him and there is no autobiography released to record his life.
Mandela speaks of the coming trials and this autobiography could also be his way of strengthening his resolve briefly before once again trying to ‘liberate the oppressed and oppressor both’ as he mentions a few times, his ‘long walk to freedom’ and he ‘dare not linger’. So while trying to educate his people of his ideas, he also wishes to write in paper his ideals, lest he forgets in his ‘climb’.
i think it's not that great at the moment because my written version looks pretty scrappy and there were a few errors i cleaned up on typing. =/ need all the help i can get!

also any tips to do with this exam is very welcome. 'of all the doorways in the world to choose to sleep, i've chosen yours.' - Give by Simon Armitage ~ (im basically begging for help right now)

(edited 10 years ago)

Reply 1

revisioner1

Original post by Eng Study Help

Hi! Maybe we can help with your question. :smile:

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thanks, i'll try this website.