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Help, please...

Hi.I'm confused about something that happened to me. This is a long story. Thanksfor your time. Here goes: in September 2009, I met a young man who became mybest friend. We would talk in Messenger and go out to dinner. We were in thesame classes (we were in college) and always sat next to each other. Ourfriendship blossomed. I introduced him to my female best friend and we allthree went to the movies and, in the summer of 2010, went camping. AroundAugust that year, my young man told me indirectly he was in love with me. Heeven had the intention of buying me a flower. I began to like him very much,too, but I was very much confused about what I really felt about him. InOctober 2010, we started dating, but I suddenly dropped him because he said somethingI interpreted as meaning he no longer wanted to date, and because I wasn'treally sure whether I really loved him. I have Asperger's Syndrome and at thetime I just didn't understand how my actions affected others. I didn'tthink of other people's feelings. I swear I never meant to hurt my young man.Ever. I told my young man I had Asperger’s, and he was a bit shocked. After thebreakup, we remained friends. We even did an assignment together for college.At the time, I was seeing a psychotherapist, and I came to the conclusion thatI wanted a relationship with the boy. So I talked to him and he agreed to takeme back. However, I still had a lot of doubts about my feelings for him, andbecause of that I did little more than kissing and hugging when I was with him.We didn’t send romantic messages to each other. One day in December (2010), hebroke up with him. Said he wasn’t sure of his feelings for me. I was very hurt,but had hope he would take me back. 2011 came. We remained friends after thissecond breakup. We kept going to the movies. On one occasion, he talked to meabout his reasons for breaking up with me. One reason was that he wasn’t surewhether he could be faithful to me. Other reason was that he wasn’t surewhether he liked me enough to have a relationship with me. I wrote him a lettersaying how I had felt after the breakup, and in February, he took me back ashis girlfriend. He had invited me to have dinner at the town he lives in (about2 hours away from where I live). I had dinner with him and his friends. Hedrank quite a bit. After the dinner, we went home and then…he started to kissme and to caress my body. I showed him my breasts. However, I didn’t haveintercourse with him, though that was his intention. He didn’t force me intoanything. I should have understood what he had in mind. I guess this is part ofAsperger’s Syndrome, not understanding the intentions of others. The nextmorning, we went to his bedroom and I even took off his sweater, but againdidn’t have intercourse with him, and he didn’t force me into anything. Acouple of days later, I asked him to dry hump with me, and so he did, anddidn’t force me into anything. I just didn’t realize I was using him. This washow I felt about him at the time. There was a great confusion about what I feltabout him. I was so self-centered at the time I didn’t even think about myyoung man’s feelings. A few days later, he said he’d rather be friends with meand added that he wasn’t in love with me at the moment, and even said there wasanother girl. Nevertheless, after these 3 breakups, we remained friends. We hadclasses together. On my birthday, I was with him. In June, he asked me whetherI would like to date him again. I was still confused about my feelings for him,but I accepted. The first month of dating went well, but when it came to havingintercourse with him…At the time, I thought that I should only have intercourseif I really loved someone. As I wasn’t really sure whether I loved him, Ididn’t give in. One night, I slept on the same bed as him and he didn’t forceme into anything. After that night, I went on vacation. When I came back, Islept again at his house. I asked him to perform oral sex on me, which he did,and again he didn’t force me into anything. I know I was being very selfish tohim. But that was what I felt at the time. If I had had intercourse with him, Iwould have felt raped. I just wasn’t ready. After this night, he broke up withme, saying he had reached his limit. I totally understand him now. But at thetime, I just didn’t understand why he broke up with me. Incredible thought asit may seem, he remained friends with me. We kept going to the movies andhaving dinner out. Another year at college began. I had graduated, and was nowbeginning a master’s degree. This was still 2011. Me and my young man keptseeing each other. We never argued about what had happened while we had beendating. He never got mad at me for having treated him the way I had. At the endof October, I thought I still could have a chance with him, so I asked himwhether he wanted to date me. And then…he made a shocking confession. Taking myhands, he told me he had kissed someone else while we had been dating theprevious year (2010), and that had been the reason he had broken up with me. Iwas puzzled. I never thought he would ever do something like that, as he is avery self-controlled individual and never loses his temper (not with me atleast). I was so shocked by his confession I chose not to think about it, as ithurt like hell. After all we had gone through…Two days later, we were datingagain. However, I still wasn’t sure of my feelings for him. I acknowledge itwasn’t correct of me to use him like that, but he didn’t oppose either. Thistime, it was me who ended the dating because I didn’t feel that spark so oftentalked about in love. What I felt about my young man didn’t feel like love tome. I had grown used to the idea that love was a very intense spark between twopeople, and I just didn’t feel that spark. I didn’t know love was severalthings. Even after I broke up with him, we remained friends. This was at theclose of 2011. He bought me a chocolate bar for Christmas, and I gave him a CD.2012 came. For most of 2012, we had a good relationship. We kept having dinnerout and I helped him with his studies. Once, in April, I cried because of thevoice tone he had used with me, and he took me out to dinner, to comfort me. Iforgot to mention that in the summer of 2011, I had begun to take acupuncturetreatment. In July 2012, I started to think about what my young man must havefelt during all the times we were together, and finally understood why he hadbroken up with me. I understood what I had done wrong. In September and October2012, we dated again. I know, it’s crazy, but there it is. However, the datingdidn’t go well because I was so afraid the relationship would end that I gotreally nervous, to the point I couldn’t think clearly about how I should actaround him. The dating ended, because I still didn’t feel that spark. We stillremained friends! In December, he chose not to see me so often, because he saidour friendship was a bit affected by all these breakups. Still, he remained intouch with me, and at the end of January he began to see me again often. Wekept going out to dinner. He knows about my Asperger’s Syndrome and tries tohelp me overcome it. He is always available to listen to my worries and myexperiences. He genuinely cares about my feelings and on more than one occasionhas put his own coat/jacket over me so that I was not cold. In short, he triesto do everything to help me live a better life. I think he must like me a lot…Heeven advised me to write a thesis for my master’s degree because, in his words,it will help me have better opportunities to get a job. What I really don’tunderstand is how he could have kissed someone else whilst dating me. If he trulyloves me, then why the hell would he kiss someone else? He’s a very self-controlledindividual. I know him well (or so I think) and I can see he’s not the kind tokiss other girls while in a relationship. He held my hands as he made thisconfession, but he never gave me the details of what really happened. All thistime, from October 2011 (when he made the confession) to July 2013, he nevertold me the details of the story. He never told me who the girl was, why he didthis, how he felt afterwards. But what bothers me the most is that he seems toregard this subject with some indifference, as if it was not such a big deal. Thisreally pisses me off, because I’m very sad and disappointed, whereas he doesn’tseem to be. I know it may sound crazy, but I still have hope that none of thishas happened. But then I think, why would he lie to me? Perhaps to make mejealous? He has always felt I didn’t truly love him, what with the breakups andthe way I acted towards him. I feel very frightened about my future, as I hadgrown used to the idea that I could have a future with my young man, but thisterrible situation has happened. I have lost my appetite and have searched fora cure for my emotional state on the Internet. This is always on my mind. Ijust can’t believe he could have done this to me. He, of all boys! The only thingthat keeps me alive is the hope that none of this has happened and that I willlive happily with him. What do you think about all this? Am I overreacting? Whydo you think he did this to me? And how can I overcome all this and smileagain? Sorry for such a long text. It’s a long story. Thanks so very much foryour help. P.S: When heconfessed to me he had kissed someone else, he said these words: “You deserveto know the truth. I kissed another girl last year, when I was dating you”.This confession happened on October 31, 2011. If he hadn’t told me this, Iwould never have suspected anything, as he acted normally around me, and Inever noticed anything different about his attitude towards me. Moreover, inJuly 2012 (last year), I said these 2 words to him “Your infidelity”, and hereacted as if I was talking nonsense.

Reply 1

Willbean

Dump him