Emotionally numb

I feel recently that I can't feel vulnerable around people, and that I can't feel love any more.

I dated a guy when I was 17. I was deeply in love with him and I felt like he was the love of my life. But he hurt me a lot - he was physically abusive. I put all my love into that relationship to the point that it got toxic. Four months after we broke up, I started dating another guy. We dated for about 3 years, were planning to get married and then we broke up because the distance made us drift apart. To deal with the pain of that breakup, I didn't cry for a long time. I just blocked it all out. I told myself I can be strong. And I've been independent ever since, not allowing anything to affect me so easily.

Since him. I've dated casually. I don't pine for the exes, but how it could have been. I haven't been in a serious relationship for 3 years.

It's a stumbling block. I don't get intense love feelings or crushes with most guys. I don't get weepy or soppy or romantic over cheesy movies or songs. When I go on dates, it takes longer for romantic feelings to be triggered and I haven't felt anything for anyone, even guys I would have fallen hook, line and sinker for in the past. I meet guys I like sometimes, and never have any kind of spark that I've had with certain guys in the past. I always feel like I'm holding something back.

Can anyone help? I want to feel love again but I just can't seem to feel anything anymore! Has anyone ever experienced this?

Reply 1

Supes

8

I think there are a lot of people out there that shut out their hearts to others after getting hurt. Don't think you are alone :smile:

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Supes

I think there are a lot of people out there that shut out their hearts to others after getting hurt. Don't think you are alone :smile:

Yeah it's really hard. I go on dates and I can't connect to some guys as all I feel is friendship. I've learnt to be on my own so it's really hard for me to need a relationship. I don't feel scared about being single. I enjoy it. People say love is yearning and I don't feel that yearning to love. I don't know what's wrong with me :/

I've become too cynical. I don't know if true love is out there for me. I feel like I've lost my romantic side and I want it back. I don't know if I believe so much in love, because of being treated as a side piece by guys or having failed relationships. Once I realised I didn't have to have a relationship to be happy, I went on a different path. I rarely feel lonely or desperate for a boyfriend. I sometimes wish I did because at least I would feel romantic about someone.

Thanks for your thoughts. Yes maybe I am not alone :smile:

Reply 3

Supes

8

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah it's really hard. I go on dates and I can't connect to some guys as all I feel is friendship. I've learnt to be on my own so it's really hard for me to need a relationship. I don't feel scared about being single. I enjoy it. People say love is yearning and I don't feel that yearning to love. I don't know what's wrong with me :/

I've become too cynical. I don't know if true love is out there for me. I feel like I've lost my romantic side and I want it back. I don't know if I believe so much in love, because of being treated as a side piece by guys or having failed relationships. Once I realised I didn't have to have a relationship to be happy, I went on a different path. I rarely feel lonely or desperate for a boyfriend. I sometimes wish I did because at least I would feel romantic about someone.

Thanks for your thoughts. Yes maybe I am not alone :smile:

I don't think your as emotionally numb as you think you are. Have you considered that you haven't just met the right guy yet? I'm sure he will come when you least expect it :biggrin:

I think it's pretty great that you can be single and still not feel too lonely and can still be happy. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me :smile:

Reply 4

Temporality

17

Original post by Anonymous

I feel recently that I can't feel vulnerable around people, and that I can't feel love any more.

I dated a guy when I was 17. I was deeply in love with him and I felt like he was the love of my life. But he hurt me a lot - he was physically abusive. I put all my love into that relationship to the point that it got toxic. Four months after we broke up, I started dating another guy. We dated for about 3 years, were planning to get married and then we broke up because the distance made us drift apart. To deal with the pain of that breakup, I didn't cry for a long time. I just blocked it all out. I told myself I can be strong. And I've been independent ever since, not allowing anything to affect me so easily.

Since him. I've dated casually. I don't pine for the exes, but how it could have been. I haven't been in a serious relationship for 3 years.

It's a stumbling block. I don't get intense love feelings or crushes with most guys. I don't get weepy or soppy or romantic over cheesy movies or songs. When I go on dates, it takes longer for romantic feelings to be triggered and I haven't felt anything for anyone, even guys I would have fallen hook, line and sinker for in the past. I meet guys I like sometimes, and never have any kind of spark that I've had with certain guys in the past. I always feel like I'm holding something back.

Can anyone help? I want to feel love again but I just can't seem to feel anything anymore! Has anyone ever experienced this?

Hey hun, sorry you've had those bad experiences. I don't fall for anyone anymore either like I did when I was young - I won't let myself believe all the bull**** guys say or this fairytale that we're fed by movies and songs that we all must fall deeply in love. I'm about more than that and I don't need anyone in my life. I don't view it as a negative thing, I view it more as wisdom. Good thing about being numb is I don't get upset over it anymore. I'm not going to put myself out there to get hurt, or be strung along... besides it's much more fun if you're the one in the driving seat :wink:

. PM if you need to chat about the numbness, I know a good Pinkfloyd song that could help, and thank goodness it isn't about red roses.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 5

L0L!

I've the same issue OP. :indiff:

Reply 6

MyName??!

13

Original post by Anonymous

X

going thought that must've been hard

I think you just haven't met the right person yet :wink:

as in my case...

Feel really jel when someone talks about how well their relationship is going - sometimes I feel like 'why can't I get a guy like that?!'

I've enjoyed my life being single I must admit - but having that somebody to share your thoughts etc - I also want that..

Reply 7

b3kky

2

Original post by Anonymous

I feel recently that I can't feel vulnerable around people, and that I can't feel love any more.

I dated a guy when I was 17. I was deeply in love with him and I felt like he was the love of my life. But he hurt me a lot - he was physically abusive. I put all my love into that relationship to the point that it got toxic. Four months after we broke up, I started dating another guy. We dated for about 3 years, were planning to get married and then we broke up because the distance made us drift apart. To deal with the pain of that breakup, I didn't cry for a long time. I just blocked it all out. I told myself I can be strong. And I've been independent ever since, not allowing anything to affect me so easily.

Since him. I've dated casually. I don't pine for the exes, but how it could have been. I haven't been in a serious relationship for 3 years.

It's a stumbling block. I don't get intense love feelings or crushes with most guys. I don't get weepy or soppy or romantic over cheesy movies or songs. When I go on dates, it takes longer for romantic feelings to be triggered and I haven't felt anything for anyone, even guys I would have fallen hook, line and sinker for in the past. I meet guys I like sometimes, and never have any kind of spark that I've had with certain guys in the past. I always feel like I'm holding something back.

Can anyone help? I want to feel love again but I just can't seem to feel anything anymore! Has anyone ever experienced this?

When you first got the guy of 3 years I doubt you were actually looking for love? Maybe it just surprised you? Or came along unexpectedly or it was just lucky that your dates with him worked out and led into a relationship. But you just have to be patient, someone will come along eventually.

And cause this guy meant such a great deal to you, he is probably the bar which you have set in terms of standards so perhaps it is hard to develop romantic feelings for anyone else because no one can compare to him?

For now, still keep going out on dates, try to enjoy yourself; don't try and force feelings for anyone it has to be real just incase you do meet someone who is crazy for you but the feeling isn't mutual; perhaps get yourself involved in more things, hobbies or group activities, which may get you meeting new people a lot more often so it increases your chances of finding someone who may return your feelings of romance to you : )

Reply 8

squealia

7

Original post by Anonymous

I feel recently that I can't feel vulnerable around people, and that I can't feel love any more.

I dated a guy when I was 17. I was deeply in love with him and I felt like he was the love of my life. But he hurt me a lot - he was physically abusive. I put all my love into that relationship to the point that it got toxic. Four months after we broke up, I started dating another guy. We dated for about 3 years, were planning to get married and then we broke up because the distance made us drift apart. To deal with the pain of that breakup, I didn't cry for a long time. I just blocked it all out. I told myself I can be strong. And I've been independent ever since, not allowing anything to affect me so easily.

Since him. I've dated casually. I don't pine for the exes, but how it could have been. I haven't been in a serious relationship for 3 years.

It's a stumbling block. I don't get intense love feelings or crushes with most guys. I don't get weepy or soppy or romantic over cheesy movies or songs. When I go on dates, it takes longer for romantic feelings to be triggered and I haven't felt anything for anyone, even guys I would have fallen hook, line and sinker for in the past. I meet guys I like sometimes, and never have any kind of spark that I've had with certain guys in the past. I always feel like I'm holding something back.

Can anyone help? I want to feel love again but I just can't seem to feel anything anymore! Has anyone ever experienced this?

I know exactly what you mean, I felt like this for a long time after a bad breakup, and I have never had the same infatuation with anyone since. I think that maybe its just to do with maturing emotionally too.

I seem to have regained some of my emotion recently though, maybe that was to do with the pill making me crazy though!

I started dating a guy when I still was not really over the last guy, and to be fair, I was not really in the right frame of mind t be having a relationship. But I have found that actually, over time the feelings I have for my new partner have really grown! I would say they are at a similar level to that I had for my ex, but they just developed slower and in less of a crazy way.

There is hope, dont worry! :smile:

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Supes

I don't think your as emotionally numb as you think you are. Have you considered that you haven't just met the right guy yet? I'm sure he will come when you least expect it :biggrin:

I think it's pretty great that you can be single and still not feel too lonely and can still be happy. If you want to talk, feel free to PM me :smile:

Thanks. Maybe that's it. I'm finding online dating which I'm doing such a killer to any positive mood I have - 'cause it makes me feel like finding love again is statistically rare. I'm a quite romantic person but have become cautious about who I want to open my heart to.

At the same time I'm feeling pretty stuck in a rut and I'd love to make new friends too. But since graduating university, I've found that extra hard. I really want to move to a city but I have no money and job to go to.

May well take you up on the offer. Your post cheered me up :smile:

Reply 10

guppygould

9

Based on personal experience: 'love' doesn't exist. Sure, you can really like someone but it's always based on personal gain.

I'm 'numb' apparently but I don't really care.

(edited 9 years ago)

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by b3kky

And cause this guy meant such a great deal to you, he is probably the bar which you have set in terms of standards so perhaps it is hard to develop romantic feelings for anyone else because no one can compare to him?

Thanks for your thoughtful advice. :smile:

In a way, yes but also no. I felt very lonely with him. He never made me feel really loved and yet it's the closest thing to love I've ever had. It was horrible being lonely in a relationship - worse than any feeling of loneliness you might get when single and when no one is putting more than 70% into it, and it falling apart. So it does make me cynical about getting involved with anyone else. I hurt him too, and it made me feel like I didn't deserve a second-chance with someone else.

The trouble is I want time to get to know guys over time without expecting anything. Maybe starting off on friendly terms. But, understandably, a lot of guys won't be on board with that. I just want something that feels real and genuine - things to happen at the right pace you know. Sometimes I meet guys who try and push me further sexually or emotionally than where my brain is at the time. I'm scared if I don't act with a guy I'm unsure of he'll be gone forever, but then I would feel fake if I did something insincere. So it makes dating somewhat panicky to me...

I should probably go on fewer dates because I get really emotionally exhausted by it

Original post by b3kky

For now, still keep going out on dates, try to enjoy yourself; don't try and force feelings for anyone it has to be real just incase you do meet someone who is crazy for you but the feeling isn't mutual; perhaps get yourself involved in more things, hobbies or group activities, which may get you meeting new people a lot more often so it increases your chances of finding someone who may return your feelings of romance to you : )

I'll try that too. :smile:

I'm thinking of joining meetup.com. Making friends after university is so much more challenging.

Reply 12

Supes

8

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks. Maybe that's it. I'm finding online dating which I'm doing such a killer to any positive mood I have - 'cause it makes me feel like finding love again is statistically rare. I'm a quite romantic person but have become cautious about who I want to open my heart to.

At the same time I'm feeling pretty stuck in a rut and I'd love to make new friends too. But since graduating university, I've found that extra hard. I really want to move to a city but I have no money and job to go to.

May well take you up on the offer. Your post cheered me up :smile:

Oh hey, your reply confused me as I wasn't expecting it haha

Just know that finding love isn't a race. Just take your time :tongue:

Sure happy to talk and make a new friend :smile:

Reply 13

katbob

5

Original post by Anonymous

Thanks. Maybe that's it. I'm finding online dating which I'm doing such a killer to any positive mood I have - 'cause it makes me feel like finding love again is statistically rare. I'm a quite romantic person but have become cautious about who I want to open my heart to.

At the same time I'm feeling pretty stuck in a rut and I'd love to make new friends too. But since graduating university, I've found that extra hard. I really want to move to a city but I have no money and job to go to.

May well take you up on the offer. Your post cheered me up :smile:

She replies 3 days later... Lol