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Have you ever met any university students who have helicopter parents? Watch

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    (Original post by TattyBoJangles)
    Oh, please. When you get to the stage your child is in their twenties and living independently, it's time to let go a bit and understand if they don't answer their phone, chances are they're busy.
    Also don't think it's very fair for a parent to take their anxieties out on their children. Fair enough if you haven't heard from them in ages, but bombarding them with messages after they miss one phone call? Nah. (Not saying you do / would, I'm referencing my friend's mum)

    My parents mean the world to me. But thankfully they respect that I have a fairly busy life. If I don't answer the phone my mum isn't paranoid enough to automatically assume I'm dead (though if I can, I always text to say I'll ring when I'm free). I get a window of at least a few hours before she starts to worry.
    She did panic once and ring my boyfriend, but I hadn't been ignoring her, my phone had broken. I had sent her a message on Facebook but she'd not seen it.
    I'm not talking about the ones who don't reply after a an hour or so I'm talking about people who don't speak to their parents for weeks on end. You might be fortunate not to have had your parents die in separate car accidents so yeah that's where the anxiety comes from so yeah I will ways worry about my kids until the day I die. It's called being a parent and wanted your children to be safe and happy. Just because that child grows into an adult it doesn't stop them being the baby that you once held in yours arms that you vowed to protect with every inch of your soul. I was of the same opinion of you when I was younger. Now with children of my own I realise it was because she cared.
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    (Original post by dm5779)
    I'm not talking about the ones who don't reply after a an hour or so I'm talking about people who don't speak to their parents for weeks on end. You might be fortunate not to have had your parents die in separate car accidents so yeah that's where the anxiety comes from so yeah I will ways worry about my kids until the day I die. It's called being a parent and wanted your children to be safe and happy. Just because that child grows into an adult it doesn't stop them being the baby that you once held in yours arms that you vowed to protect with every inch of your soul. I was of the same opinion of you when I was younger. Now with children of my own I realise it was because she cared.
    This is cute. My mum always says to me "you'll never stop being my baby boy". This is cute but also annoying.

    I want to be seen as an adult and plscing me in the "baby" feels as though im not independent or self efficient.

    But my mum knows if she hasnt heard from me in weeks it means everything is alright - as long as i give her a quick text. But even if i don't, i have a big family so if i haven't spoken to my mum, ive spoken to my aunty. If i haven't spoken to my aunty, ive spoken to my sister and etc.

    If i phoned/spoke to my mum every other day shed know somethings wrong because she knows how ridiculously independent i am n that i hardly ask her for help.

    My mum used to worry so much. But i think if children just reassure parents they'll eventually ease off/ let go. And thankfully with time, my mum did that.

    I dont like seeing/knowing my mum is worried cause shes a strong woman. So if she is, it makes me anxious and sad. So i do text her every few weeks at least.

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    (Original post by dm5779)
    I'm not talking about the ones who don't reply after a an hour or so I'm talking about people who don't speak to their parents for weeks on end. You might be fortunate not to have had your parents die in separate car accidents so yeah that's where the anxiety comes from so yeah I will ways worry about my kids until the day I die. It's called being a parent and wanted your children to be safe and happy. Just because that child grows into an adult it doesn't stop them being the baby that you once held in yours arms that you vowed to protect with every inch of your soul. I was of the same opinion of you when I was younger. Now with children of my own I realise it was because she cared.
    With respect, your initial post did come across as siding with those who need to be in contact 24/7. If that's not what you're saying, I agree - there's a happy medium to be had. Part of having children grow up is recognising when to let go a bit. Part of growing up is becoming mature enough to keep in sufficient contact (assuming there are no issues between the parent and child - I know people who have deliberately cut contact, for good reason).

    Families also have different ideas of what is 'sufficient'. In terms of how often and how.
    I text my mum randomly but we rarely talk over the phone. Just because I don't actually have much to tell her, nothing in my life changes. I prefer sending the odd text every so often. If I rang her for a random chat I think she'd assume something was wrong, haha.
    My boyfriend's family, on the other hand, never text each other. Everything is done by phone calls. But I would say they only ring each other once a month or so? So I actually talk to my family more than he does his.

    Sorry to hear about your parents. I have a friend who was orphaned in similar circumstances when we were young. Of course I worry about things happening, and I'm 400 miles away so I worry about the distance in such cases too. But I can't let that affect my life, I'd be worrying about everything if I did.
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    If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't come back to you, it was never yours to begin with. My kids are mid/late 20s. They contact me spontaneously every couple of weeks or so (they live in different countries) and that means more to me than any response I might get by demanding they call me every day. I do think there is a bit of a male/female divide here, and sons just don't act in the same way as daughters, but you have to have faith in the strength of your own relationships and the job you have done. I would rather wait for them to call me because they want to than to sour the relationship by demanding what they don't want to give.
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    (Original post by TattyBoJangles)
    With respect, your initial post did come across as siding with those who need to be in contact 24/7. If that's not what you're saying, I agree - there's a happy medium to be had. Part of having children grow up is recognising when to let go a bit. Part of growing up is becoming mature enough to keep in sufficient contact (assuming there are no issues between the parent and child - I know people who have deliberately cut contact, for good reason).

    Families also have different ideas of what is 'sufficient'. In terms of how often and how.
    I text my mum randomly but we rarely talk over the phone. Just because I don't actually have much to tell her, nothing in my life changes. I prefer sending the odd text every so often. If I rang her for a random chat I think she'd assume something was wrong, haha.
    My boyfriend's family, on the other hand, never text each other. Everything is done by phone calls. But I would say they only ring each other once a month or so? So I actually talk to my family more than he does his.

    Sorry to hear about your parents. I have a friend who was orphaned in similar circumstances when we were young. Of course I worry about things happening, and I'm 400 miles away so I worry about the distance in such cases too. But I can't let that affect my life, I'd be worrying about everything if I did.
    Oh god no! I know how annoying that is being on the receiving end. You can smother your children too much. Yeah the whole baby boy baby girl thing was annoying too. Then I had my kids lol.
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    (Original post by dm5779)
    You might be fortunate not to have had your parents die in separate car accidents so yeah that's where the anxiety comes from
    That is indeed dreadful, but you have to know that logically, the same thing is extraordinarily unlikely to happen to your children. You can't map your insecurity onto them and dress it up as caring. As you say above, it's *your* anxiety - you quite understandably have separation issues, but projecting that onto your children is unfair and is not doing them any favours. You can't keep them safe forever. That's the nature of being a parent. They will leave you, you will lose control and you will have less contact with them. And yes, sometimes bad things will happen to them. You can't prevent any of that. All you can do is equip them to cope as best they can and know that you'll always be there if they need your help and support.

    I have clingy parents to this day. Phoning or visiting is a chore rather than a pleasure. Don't let that happen to you. In order to be liked, you have to be likeable. You won't do that by clinging.
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    (Original post by Klix88)
    That is indeed dreadful, but you have to know that logically, the same thing is extraordinarily unlikely to happen to your children. You can't map your insecurity onto them and dress it up as caring. As you say above, it's *your* anxiety - you quite understandably have separation issues, but projecting that onto your children is unfair.
    Preach it!!!!

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    I know someone whose parents live about an hour and a half away from her Uni, and they drive over every weekend to pick up her laundry and do it for her, and bring it back on the Sunday.
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    (Original post by jneill)
    Most (all?) will have cleaners for the shared/public areas.
    yeah we had that they would clean the kitchen and hall corridor well say clean the sweep hoover and wipe down work tops etc one thing that was annoying was any dirty plates left out would be chucked in a box which you then had to retrieve which is fine anything left in the drying rack "would not be chucked in said box if it was clean" the cleaners actually saw me washing up my bowl cup and spoon which i then put in the drying rack as soon as I left it went in to the dirty box because of this we had to keep cups bowls plates etc in our room because the cleaners would chuck anything and everything in the dirty box regardless if it was dirty or drying.
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    My parents were quite helicopter-like at university.

    But they were more like military helicopters in a battlefield: they touched down, threw me out, gave me my kit and then vanished into the sky before getting shot at.
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    My dad was a helicopter parent up until maybe year 13. I think he realised that one I went away to uni it was better off for our relationship to not try and control my life. That being said, he still hasn't got over the fact that I do have my own life and one day I'm going to walk out the door for the last time.

    We speak every other day though

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    I am thankful for this new term.
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    My dad used to call my flatmates if I didn't answer the phone. He got to know them quite well. It was embarrassing and one of them even sat me down for a 'talk' and complained to me about it.
    I dropped out and now I'm living at home.
 
 
 
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