The Student Room Group

Lonely at Uni

I’m really worried I won’t make any friends at uni. I haven’t met a single person who is going to my uni let alone my course. Im commuting too so it’ll be more difficult to find people and im not allowed to go to freshers. Does anyone have any advice? Me and my friends are all going different unis but they have other friends going with them, I have no one.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m really worried I won’t make any friends at uni. I haven’t met a single person who is going to my uni let alone my course. Im commuting too so it’ll be more difficult to find people and im not allowed to go to freshers. Does anyone have any advice? Me and my friends are all going different unis but they have other friends going with them, I have no one.

Yeah, I'm also commuting, don't know if that'll put a dampener on the social side of uni.
Why are you not allowed to go to freshers?
Reply 3
Original post by Scotland Yard
Why are you not allowed to go to freshers?

My parents won’t let me go
Reply 4
Original post by toxicgamage56
Yeah, I'm also commuting, don't know if that'll put a dampener on the social side of uni.

From what I heard it makes it more difficult to make friends because people living in accommodations can make friends with their roommates (they kinda have to lol) and if their roommates have friends then it’ll make it easier for them too
Original post by Anonymous
From what I heard it makes it more difficult to make friends because people living in accommodations can make friends with their roommates (they kinda have to lol) and if their roommates have friends then it’ll make it easier for them too

Yeah rip. I guess it means I won't get carried away with all night parties though, but some days I will feel apprehensive about having to go home instead of chilling with others till like 2am. I'm going to start a protest if my parents make me go to bed early like they did when I was doing A-levels (10pm).
Reply 6
Original post by toxicgamage56
Yeah, I'm also commuting, don't know if that'll put a dampener on the social side of uni.


for both of you, get ready to spend a bit more time hanging around and travelling if you want to hang out with people but don't worry. there's plenty of opportunity to make friends outside of hall, and it's of no benefit to make friends before freshers. you can sit down in class next to anyone and have a conversation. one lecturer said at the beginning, 'who here is already part of a tight-knit friend group and wouldnt welcome some new?' - obviously the answer was no one because uni is great for socialising even if you dont live nearby

Original post by Anonymous
My parents won’t let me go


as for this, you're the one paying. i sense you have strict parents who've probably coerced you to stay with them? even if not, now is the time to start pushing boundaries for your own freedom. i know thats hard but if not now, when?
Reply 7
Original post by HoldThisL
for both of you, get ready to spend a bit more time hanging around and travelling if you want to hang out with people but don't worry. there's plenty of opportunity to make friends outside of hall, and it's of no benefit to make friends before freshers. you can sit down in class next to anyone and have a conversation. one lecturer said at the beginning, 'who here is already part of a tight-knit friend group and wouldnt welcome some new?' - obviously the answer was no one because uni is great for socialising even if you dont live nearby



as for this, you're the one paying. i sense you have strict parents who've probably coerced you to stay with them? even if not, now is the time to start pushing boundaries for your own freedom. i know thats hard but if not now, when?


In my culture women don’t really leave the family home until they get married so that explains why I’m not allowed, I can’t really “push” boundaries because it’ll either completely cut me off from my family (I do love them still) or our relationship will never be the same and I still won’t be allowed to do things, they’ll just be more suspicious of me
Original post by HoldThisL
for both of you, get ready to spend a bit more time hanging around and travelling if you want to hang out with people but don't worry. there's plenty of opportunity to make friends outside of hall, and it's of no benefit to make friends before freshers. you can sit down in class next to anyone and have a conversation. one lecturer said at the beginning, 'who here is already part of a tight-knit friend group and wouldnt welcome some new?' - obviously the answer was no one because uni is great for socialising even if you dont live nearby



as for this, you're the one paying. i sense you have strict parents who've probably coerced you to stay with them? even if not, now is the time to start pushing boundaries for your own freedom. i know thats hard but if not now, when?

Yeah wish I could live in accommodation, but it's impractical given that my university is in the heart of London and within a decent travel time of my current home. I just hope my parents don't tell me what I can or can't do in my own room (really hoping there isn't like a 10pm curfew). I mean worst comes to worst, it's just 3 years before I start work and I can move out then since I'll be earning the money to justify it. Thanks for the encouragement though!
Reply 9
Original post by Anonymous
I’m really worried I won’t make any friends at uni. I haven’t met a single person who is going to my uni let alone my course. Im commuting too so it’ll be more difficult to find people and im not allowed to go to freshers. Does anyone have any advice? Me and my friends are all going different unis but they have other friends going with them, I have no one.


look on Facebook for any groups for whatever course you're doing and at which uni, there's usually loads and there's usually group chats for them. Thats how I met my now bsf we met through our uni course snap group and then a couple of us arranged to meet up and we instantly clicked! I must say tho making friends by just sitting next to someone in a lecture is a lot harder than it seems most people also feel very awkward and shy (me and my friends have tried it a couple times and it never ended great).
(edited 10 months ago)
Original post by Anonymous
In my culture women don’t really leave the family home until they get married so that explains why I’m not allowed, I can’t really “push” boundaries because it’ll either completely cut me off from my family (I do love them still) or our relationship will never be the same and I still won’t be allowed to do things, they’ll just be more suspicious of me

I'm terribly sorry for you. I'm assuming your family comes from south-Asia? But you should think about pushing the boundaries all the same. Your parents are actively stopping you from going out and enjoying what everyone else will be doing because of their culture and beliefs, presumably. Do you really think that they'll stop trying to enforce their beliefs on you after you finish your degree? Do you really think that you'll finish uni and immediately get a job that lets you move out asap? Do you think that even if you can, that your parents won't put up a fight?

You don't particularly sound pleased at the current status quo with your family, and you're worried that it'll prevent you from making friends at university. It won't, but it'll make it much, much harder and even harder to keep. Not letting you go to freshers week in particular seems draconian and downright cruel, that's when you meet a lot of people and start finding out about everything going on at university and sign up to all sorts of fun stuff. I know that it is much easier said than done, but you really need to stand up to your parents because I think you realise that their restrictions on you will prevent you from enjoying the next three years of your life to the fullest extent. And it probably won't stop after university. For your own sake, you should stand up to your parents now, else when will you do it? When they've ruined some more chances for you to enjoy yourself? When you're more used to their control and so will find it much harder to stand up? I wish you the best, whatever you decide.
Original post by Anonymous
I’m really worried I won’t make any friends at uni. I haven’t met a single person who is going to my uni let alone my course. Im commuting too so it’ll be more difficult to find people and im not allowed to go to freshers. Does anyone have any advice? Me and my friends are all going different unis but they have other friends going with them, I have no one.


Sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Have you joined Fresher Groups on Facebook? It can be a great way to find coursemates. While you may not be able to attend Freshers, it's worth attending the Freshers Fayre- it's during Welcome Week and is a good way to find out about the clubs and societies on offer. This is another great way to make friends as you already have common ground. I'm part of the Dance team as well as the K-pop and videogame societies. Each club/society plans their own social events too so there's always plenty going on.
Remember everyone is in the same boat and feeling just as nervous so just embrace this new challenge :smile:
Original post by Anonymous
I’m really worried I won’t make any friends at uni. I haven’t met a single person who is going to my uni let alone my course. Im commuting too so it’ll be more difficult to find people and im not allowed to go to freshers. Does anyone have any advice? Me and my friends are all going different unis but they have other friends going with them, I have no one.

Hi, I'm sorry you're worried about starting uni, it sounds like you're in a tricky situation. Remember that you won't be the only one who isn't in university accommodation- there are lots of reasons why people choose to commute for lectures. I found that when I started, there were lots of social events interspersed between my compulsory sessions (even during freshers week) so you would be able to fit these into a 9-5 day and they could be a good opportunity to get to know people.

Try not to worry too much about not having met anybody on your course yet, I didn't meet a single person in my year until I got to uni, and I don't feel that I missed out on much, everyone was really friendly and I made friends as soon as I arrived! If you are really keen to meet people beforehand, you can look for links to freshers group chats on the Facebook and Instagram pages for your uni and course. Hope this helps.

Nellie (Lancaster Student Ambassador)
Original post by Anonymous
I’m really worried I won’t make any friends at uni. I haven’t met a single person who is going to my uni let alone my course. Im commuting too so it’ll be more difficult to find people and im not allowed to go to freshers. Does anyone have any advice? Me and my friends are all going different unis but they have other friends going with them, I have no one.

Hi there!

It sounds like a difficult situation, but I completely understand how you are feeling. I lived off campus in my first year of university and knew absolutely nobody. I was very nervous about making friends, especially when Fresher's Week came and a lot of people went out while I didn't. But once I started classes, I quickly realised that this wasn't a problem at all! I made friends in my class and actually found that everyone felt just as nervous as me. I am the only person living off campus amongst my friends and it has made no difference at all in my socialising and being included. So it's not always as bad as it first seems!

I would also say to look at what societies your university has to offer as this is also a great way to meet people. Do you have any interests or hobbies outside of your course?

I really hope this eases your mind slightly.:smile:

Emily
First Year Creative Writing Student
Original post by toxicgamage56
Yeah rip. I guess it means I won't get carried away with all night parties though, but some days I will feel apprehensive about having to go home instead of chilling with others till like 2am. I'm going to start a protest if my parents make me go to bed early like they did when I was doing A-levels (10pm).


jesus
I wouldn't worry too much about it right now. First of all, it's well known that the vast majority of people you meet and speak to during freshers are folk you will never see again once that week is over. In my experience most people's friend groups end up comprising course mates and/or flatmates, so make sure you put in the effort to get to know people on your course and be prepared to stay out later for social events with them to solidify the friendships if possible. Concerning first year hall mates it's a bit of a mixed bag, I know sooooo many people who after first year never spoke to their hall mates again and ended up getting second year flats with the besties they made on their course.

As for your friends going off to uni with people they know, this isn't necessarily a good thing. They may stick to each other like glue and possibly not put themselves out there and meet as many people doing that. Also, if they're on different courses chances are they won't actually see much of each other. Most undergrads start uni ''alone'', just remember that all the other first years will be in the same position!

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