Pls can you help motivate me

Thank you so much CF, you are one of the people who have always gone out their way to ask how i am etc and i appreciate it
idk if i deserve a wonderful life but i am certainly a bit more fired up about life than i have been in about 4 years
i am in two minds about deleting this thread, but i would like to think that if someone down and unmotivated ever stumbled across it later it would be encouraging for them to see that stuff can work out in the end, not completely (after all not everything is/was caused by a levels and there is still stuff i need to work on, probably with some proper help) but in a lot better a position than when this was started
Thank you CF you have been a consistent and amazing poster to me hope you are doing well yourself x

might make the odd post in here occasionally and as i've been here (uni) for a week now thought this seemed like a good a time as any. Don't know how regular it will be as do sort of have a life now although tbf posting on here doesn't even take that long anyway lol

University Week 1:
I don't really know what this week is called if next week is 'fresher's week'. This just seems to be the week that everyone gets settled in and stuff. Tbf i haven't really liked it thus far. Don't get me wrong it is preferable to being at school etc and i do like aspects of it but stuff isn't as clear cut as there = bad, here = good, people seem to find the concept of not being satisfied in either scenario difficult to grasp for some reason. I think it is my mindset more than anything, you could put me in a bubble with absolutely no worried and i would still find the negatives of it or something to worry about. Intending to work on that though but more about that in a minute. Part of it is that everything seems to take so much more effort and energy than it ought to, for instance just working up the courage to use the bathroom or shower was exhausting and for that reason i guess it looks like i have taken a lot longer than other people to sort of get into the swing of things and tbh im still not totally into it. Just a lot of change and things to learn quickly and also with very little guidance everything is sort of figure it out as you go along which is ok because i do like puzzles and stuff that stimulates thinking but it does slow progress a bit.
Housemates seem decent and nice enough although i still do feel a little out of place as the majority of people are older than me (i think it would be better if i could pull off looking 19 or something but i look 16) so i feel a bit stupid sometimes in terms of 'life skills' or whatever. Everyone seems chill though so that's nice
The thing i need to get better at (well one of many actually) is probably looking after myself, i can look after myself (i.e i know what to do) i just dont. I'm that person who feeds their pet first and then myself second or not at all plus i dont really care about my own self preservation and have a sort of meh attitude to my own existence so i dont really bother. Atm i have two 'meals' a day and try not to eat anything in between but i might incorporate some form of lunch into that when uni starts properly because the days will be longer
Food and money also stresses me because i keep being paranoid it will run out so i try to ration it all out which sort of works
looked after myself in other ways though tbh, have appointments booked for various things (well 3 things) honestly dreading them, one in particular but ik it's for the best and people on here have been telling me to go for the best part of 2 years and if the doctor thinks i need to go then i suppose i do (although i have a lot of guilt about that because i still dont think there is anything worth going over and that they are overreacting but idk)
that's about everything i suppose, well it's not but don't want to bore people lol
have achieved a lot this week even if it doesn't look that way as just meeting people and saying hi to them and talking to them is an accomplishment and got a lot of 'adminy' stuff done, i.e letters of things etc

well that's that

and lastly but not leastly

its always difficult when making the transition between home and uni, it might start to get easier when freshers starts for you. since everyone is in the same boat i would advice that everyone is nervous about speaking to new people (i know i was) and the best conversation starters tend to be along the lines of where are you from, where are you staying, what course are you on etc. hope you are ok, if you need to talk i'm here

Proud of you

And thanks to the last bit. Good luck Cheesey!!!

thank you so much for always being so supportive