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Unclear and confusing guy

A guy I'd been talking to over the summer after meeting him on holiday recently got back into contact. We're now in the same place, but at different unis. It sounded like he wanted to meet up the day after, but I have a feeling he thought I didn't as I didn't outwardly say anything - neither did he, to be fair - so he didn't mention anything about it after.

Anyway, I invited him out to come clubbing with me and my flatmates yesterday which he was up for, until I asked him whether he'd bring a mate with him, to which he said no one was around and that he didn't want to come now because he didn't want to be a tag along. We haven't seen each other face to face since we met so it is fair enough why he'd be reluctant to meet us in the club by himself. I tried to persuade him to come and now am worried I came off as desperate. I just wanted to see him and also I was a bit tipsy at the time of writing those messages haha.

Today he has been acting weird in his messages and I just don't really know what's going on. I'm worried I scared him off. He seems lonely because he hasn't met people as he doesn't stay in halls.
Should I just ask him if he wants to meet up (even as just friends)? He seems like he is a bit unsure with himself and puts up a playing it cool facade, so he wouldn't ever outwardly ask to meet up himself. Just don't understand why he'd get back into contact if he didn't want to meet up. So what should I do? However I don't like being the one to always suggest things, that had been an issue in the summer and partly why we stopped talking for a while. He is just very unclear in what he wants and it annoys me.
Reply 1
any advice?
Reply 2
Hmm, I think what your gut is saying about him, may be true given that he said he did not want to be a 'tag along'.

I think you should just ask him to meet up with you, or send a message saying - whenever you are ready to talk or meet, let me know, i'm here - it gives the guy freedom of choice and puts no pressure on him. Obviously, when he responds, don't be too available and jump at the first opportunity, suggest the next day or something - you get my drift?

Clubbing is probably not the best place for a meeting especially when with your friends, even if he did bring a mate along, it can get awkward, keep the two things separate for now. In my eyes, lunch or coffee would be more applicable, you can cut it short by saying you have a time restraint - lecture/uni/stuff to do and same for him. Given you at the same place, you could just explore the shops and stuff. Shopping and casual conversation.

Also, things change, when a person is on holiday they can be a different person to when they are at home so bear that in mind.
(edited 6 years ago)
Reply 3
Original post by Salma26
Hmm, I think what your gut is saying about him, may be true given that he said he did not want to be a 'tag along'.

I think you should just ask him to meet up with you, or send a message saying - whenever you are ready to talk or meet, let me know, i'm here - it gives the guy freedom of choice and puts no pressure on him. Obviously, when he responds, don't be too available and jump at the first opportunity, suggest the next day or something - you get my drift?

Clubbing is probably not the best place for a meeting especially when with your friends, even if he did bring a mate along, it can get awkward, keep the two things separate for now. In my eyes, lunch or coffee would be more applicable, you can cut it short by saying you have a time restraint - lecture/uni/stuff to do and same for him. Given you at the same place, you could just explore the shops and stuff. Shopping and casual conversation.

Also, things change, when a person is on holiday they can be a different person to when they are at home so bear that in mind.


Yeah the thing is I don't want to seem too forward like I did that night he would have come clubbing but didn't, maybe I'll wait for a bit. I'm also worried he won't want to now after all that, considering he seemed off yesterday.
Reply 4
Original post by tastupee11
Yeah the thing is I don't want to seem too forward like I did that night he would have come clubbing but didn't, maybe I'll wait for a bit. I'm also worried he won't want to now after all that, considering he seemed off yesterday.


If he is still is responding to your messages, then I would say not to lose hope.

If he seems off, then he probably is. Trust the vibes you get. - Like I said - send that message, about whenever he wants to talk, he can.
Then just leave it. Get on with your life. You've put out your hand, he has to link with it - if he is interested.

He has to make the effort too. Takes two to tango. Keep your standards.

Do you know his interests/hobbies? If you do - match the activity accordingly while it still being something you enjoy. Give it a while.

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