Is abuse lessened in society's eyes if by a black man to a white man?

I know this question sounds **** but I just think about it all the time and I don't know what to do. I know sites that are against black ppl from dating white people.

My bf is black (I'm white) and I'm thinking about leaving. It feels emotionally abusive and hostile and I end up feeling used/vulnerable each time. I get ignored or spoken down to and everything is physical not emotional. But I can't stop thinking I deserve on a deeper level cos I'm white and it's kinda fair somehow cos of the history about white and black ppl.

It feels wrong to think about it in this light and I know its like I'm trying to justify whats happening but I feel like its not right for me to complain about feeling abused when I have white privelege?

But it also feels like I am brainwashed by my other social circles where they in favour of white ppl getting treated badly by poc.