Asked a girl out again and not sure where I stand...

OP

Original post by Zarek

What’s the history, how did the dates go, what deadline? Sounds like she’s ****ed off that you’re not showing enough enthusiasm

She rejected me after the first date, 7 weeks later I ask her out again and we go on a second date which went well but she had a busy period at work until end of Jan so couldn't meet soon after. But we continued to message on whatsapp. I asked her out again as above and got that reply

Reply 3

Zarek

21

Original post by Anonymous #1

She rejected me after the first date, 7 weeks later I ask her out again and we go on a second date which went well but she had a busy period at work until end of Jan so couldn't meet soon after. But we continued to message on whatsapp. I asked her out again as above and got that reply

To be honest if it’s this angsty before it’s even properly begun it’s not a good sign and I would knock it on the head. You’ve already had a rejection so she’s not that keen and you do your self esteem a service by blanking the rude email

Reply 4

OP

Original post by Zarek

To be honest if it’s this angsty before it’s even properly begun it’s not a good sign and I would knock it on the head. You’ve already had a rejection so she’s not that keen and you do your self esteem a service by blanking the rude email

so just not reply to the message and move on?

Reply 5

Zarek

21

Original post by Anonymous #1

so just not reply to the message and move on?

That would be the best thing to do. Maybe it’s clumsy friendzoning, perhaps she saw the 2nd date as just friends, did she suggest how often she wanted to meet, that could be the deadline. However if you’re still curious you could ask her what she means

(edited 2 months ago)

Reply 6

EmilyJade24

9

These are all different ways of putting the blame for your behaviour onto others. This is a way that abusers make their partners think if they (the partner) change then the abuse will stop. It’s a way of being controlling. This abusive behaviour is not because of your emotions, your mental health, your upbringing, or anything that you do. It’s not normal ageing couple stuff. It is a choice he makes about how he treats you.

It is normal to question this stuff, that’s one of the impacts of the abuse. I’m really glad that when you struggle with these thoughts you come here for reassurance.

Reply 7

Original post by Anonymous #1

Hi guys,

I've been out with a girl twice and have asked her out again over text by saying "when are you free to go out?" And her response was "Were you waiting until my deadline was over? I'm free in two weeks, but as a date or..?"

I'm not sure what this means or why she would ask that? Am i getting friend-zoned?

Thanks in advance.

This is your chance to escape the friendzone. Be a man and tell her straight.

Reply 8

EmilyJade24

9

Original post by Wired_1800

This is your chance to escape the friendzone. Be a man and tell her straight.

"Your chance to escape the friends zone" and the "be a man" mindset simply resonates a similar level of vibe you'd expect in the dystopian world of the handmaids tale. Why do you believe he has any right to force a woman from friendship into a relationship by means of 'escaping' the so called friend zone? Be a man and tell her straight? You have no idea the level of harm comments like that cause. It may seem fairly innocent, although being a man results in women trapped in years of abusive and controlling relationships. You should be encouraging him to respect the 'friend zone' and the boundaries the woman has made. Be a man = be toxic and effectively force her into a situation for your own self gratification.

Reply 9

OP

Original post by Zarek

That would be the best thing to do. Maybe it’s clumsy friendzoning, perhaps she saw the 2nd date as just friends, did she suggest how often she wanted to meet, that could be the deadline. However if you’re still curious you could ask her what she means

The second date was so much better than the first and I didn't getting the feeling she saw it as friends. I think I will just tell her that its a third date as that is my intention.

Reply 10

Original post by EmilyJade24

"Your chance to escape the friends zone" and the "be a man" mindset simply resonates a similar level of vibe you'd expect in the dystopian world of the handmaids tale. Why do you believe he has any right to force a woman from friendship into a relationship by means of 'escaping' the so called friend zone? Be a man and tell her straight? You have no idea the level of harm comments like that cause. It may seem fairly innocent, although being a man results in women trapped in years of abusive and controlling relationships. You should be encouraging him to respect the 'friend zone' and the boundaries the woman has made. Be a man = be toxic and effectively force her into a situation for your own self gratification.

This is the silliest post i have read on TSR today.

What you are suggesting is actually the toxic approach to his engagement with the woman. The friend-zone is what happens when some men are stuck in a situation that they sadly cannot get out of and then slowly grow to resent the woman. Some feel that the woman should see them as worthy companions and give them the opportunity to be their bfs.

My suggestion was for the other member to grab the situation and be honest with the woman rather than wallowing in the soul-crushing experience of the friend-zone.

The obvious reality of the situation as a female is that you probably don't know how it truly feels to be stuck in the friend-zone because most of the time, you probably did the selecting. As a result, it is probably difficult for you to comprehend the pain that many men feel being stuck in the rut of being the guy that does not be the bf.

I am also not sure where “abusive and controlling relationships” came from. Telling a woman straight that he likes her does not mean that he would suddenly transform into Jimmy Savile or Russell Brand.

Reply 11

OP

Original post by Wired_1800

This is the silliest post i have read on TSR today.

What you are suggesting is actually the toxic approach to his engagement with the woman. The friend-zone is what happens when some men are stuck in a situation that they sadly cannot get out of and then slowly grow to resent the woman. Some feel that the woman should see them as worthy companions and give them the opportunity to be their bfs.

My suggestion was for the other member to grab the situation and be honest with the woman rather than wallowing in the soul-crushing experience of the friend-zone.

The obvious reality of the situation as a female is that you probably don't know how it truly feels to be stuck in the friend-zone because most of the time, you probably did the selecting. As a result, it is probably difficult for you to comprehend the pain that many men feel being stuck in the rut of being the guy that does not be the bf.

I am also not sure where “abusive and controlling relationships” came from. Telling a woman straight that he likes her does not mean that he would suddenly transform into Jimmy Savile or Russell Brand.

Ignore her.

I told the girl that i meant it as a date and that i like her and want to continue seeing her.

Reply 12

EmilyJade24

9

Original post by Anonymous #1

Ignore her.

I told the girl that i meant it as a date and that i like her and want to continue seeing her.

Excuse me? Why are you instructing people to ignore me and for what reason exactly? This is exactly the point I am making. You may not be aware but due to unintentional bias, you are Seeking to belittle my contribution by assuming that a male persona automatically gives you the right to 'grant' others permission to ignore me. Identifying and calling out unconscious bias by those who, maybe unknowingly, actively feed into the toxicity which lives in the heart of the domineering man is something we all need to shine a light onto

'Ignore her' Yes, ignore the active contributions of a female in a similar other males ignore requests of females too. Ignore her in one scenario means ignore her in every. Just because it doesn't conform the new society model of how a woman 'should be' doesn't make my contribution any less valid.

Reply 13

Original post by Anonymous #1

Ignore her.

I told the girl that i meant it as a date and that i like her and want to continue seeing her.

That’s good to know. Never ever stay in the friend-zone. It is fine to have wholesome platonic friendships with women, but if you want more and it is not there, wish her well and move on.

Reply 14

londonmyst

19

Clarify that you are asking her on a third date and would like to meetup within the next 2-3 weeks.

If she doesn't say yes, her answer is no.
Unless she makes some suggestions for the days and times when she is available to meetup, she's not interested in dating you again.
If she doesn't share your dating interest, move on and end all contact with her.
Good luck!

Reply 15

Anon2463

7

Original post by Wired_1800

That’s good to know. Never ever stay in the friend-zone. It is fine to have wholesome platonic friendships with women, but if you want more and it is not there, wish her well and move on.

Ngl i know this is an old thread but reading that paragraph by EmilyJade24 and then reading your nonchalant reply made me burst out loud at work 😂

Props to you.

Reply 16