BF keeps shoving possibility of 3sum/couple 4 sum down my throat
I'm F(22), he's M(25).
Previously I was open to the idea of a 3sum and was super keen.
However, I was sexually assaulted in my sleep by a male friend I trusted and since then my head hasn't been the same-- my bf is well aware this happened because I contacted him when it did.
As a result of this I'm struggling to trust my bf-- he made me re download my tinder and he re-downloaded his, hoping to find another person to join us.
I just can't fathom the thought of a 3 sum right now. I was so open to it before and now I'm second guessing everything.
Does him wanting another person mean he's not really into me?
Is it just an excuse to f**k another girl?
Why does he want to see a guy f**k me?
What if he wants more after that or he isn't satisfied with it just being us?
What if he sees this person outside of it having just been us 3?
What if I see him enjoying it more with the other girl?
If it's a bad experience, I'll just want to break up with him-- does he even care about that if he's forcing it down my throat?
My bf now rarely texts me and if he does it's usually something sexually driven; e.g didn't text me all day and then said, 'oh I want to ask you something.. I'll ask you tomorrow when I see you', when I asked what it was-- turns out he wants to go to a bar and find couples.
I just feel like I can't trust him anymore and it's pushing me away.
Have you or anyone had experiences with 3sums before? What was it like?
Am I being paranoid?
Any suggestions on how to work on myself?
Previously I was open to the idea of a 3sum and was super keen.
However, I was sexually assaulted in my sleep by a male friend I trusted and since then my head hasn't been the same-- my bf is well aware this happened because I contacted him when it did.
As a result of this I'm struggling to trust my bf-- he made me re download my tinder and he re-downloaded his, hoping to find another person to join us.
I just can't fathom the thought of a 3 sum right now. I was so open to it before and now I'm second guessing everything.
Does him wanting another person mean he's not really into me?
Is it just an excuse to f**k another girl?
Why does he want to see a guy f**k me?
What if he wants more after that or he isn't satisfied with it just being us?
What if he sees this person outside of it having just been us 3?
What if I see him enjoying it more with the other girl?
If it's a bad experience, I'll just want to break up with him-- does he even care about that if he's forcing it down my throat?
My bf now rarely texts me and if he does it's usually something sexually driven; e.g didn't text me all day and then said, 'oh I want to ask you something.. I'll ask you tomorrow when I see you', when I asked what it was-- turns out he wants to go to a bar and find couples.
I just feel like I can't trust him anymore and it's pushing me away.
Have you or anyone had experiences with 3sums before? What was it like?
Am I being paranoid?
Any suggestions on how to work on myself?
Very strange. Im a male and would never suggest that to my GF or would even want to have another guy involved in a potential 4 some. NAH!
If there's no trust, get rid of him.
If you want the honest truth, from how you've described him, it sounds like he just wants sex. Get yourself someone better, you deserve someone better if he can't respect your choices.
If you want the honest truth, from how you've described him, it sounds like he just wants sex. Get yourself someone better, you deserve someone better if he can't respect your choices.
To be that obsessive over it is a bit weird. I think you need to sit him down and actually explain that you're not feeling it right now. And maybe you never will be.
All those things you listed are entirely rational concerns that most people would also have. If you're not sure, avoid getting involved in anything like this unless you're more than happy to lose your existing relationship as a result...
All those things you listed are entirely rational concerns that most people would also have. If you're not sure, avoid getting involved in anything like this unless you're more than happy to lose your existing relationship as a result...
Fair enough to mention a threesome once or bring it up now and then (like every few months kinda thing). But for him to pester you or mention it frequently is selfish and annoying - and considering your experience it's disgusting. Seems like he's only staying with you because he sees that as the easiest route to getting a threesome, and has zero respect for you, your feelings and desires.
Original post by vivaronaldoo
Very strange. Im a male and would never suggest that to my GF or would even want to have another guy involved in a potential 4 some. NAH!
Yea, I would have assumed guys aren't into sharing so why would he be open to seeing a guy f**k me. It kind of shocks me that he would want another guy to do this and he wouldn't be jealous.
Also with a girl-- the thought of seeing him do anything would just hit my self esteem. Do you think he's using this as an excuse to get what he wants and then dump me when he's had enough?
Original post by RoyalSheepy
If there's no trust, get rid of him.
If you want the honest truth, from how you've described him, it sounds like he just wants sex. Get yourself someone better, you deserve someone better if he can't respect your choices.
If you want the honest truth, from how you've described him, it sounds like he just wants sex. Get yourself someone better, you deserve someone better if he can't respect your choices.
Yea, I really need to think about this. Clearly he wants it and if I'm unwilling to give it, he'll probably try and seek it elsewhere.
Original post by Anonymous
To be that obsessive over it is a bit weird. I think you need to sit him down and actually explain that you're not feeling it right now. And maybe you never will be.
All those things you listed are entirely rational concerns that most people would also have. If you're not sure, avoid getting involved in anything like this unless you're more than happy to lose your existing relationship as a result...
All those things you listed are entirely rational concerns that most people would also have. If you're not sure, avoid getting involved in anything like this unless you're more than happy to lose your existing relationship as a result...
I explained to him that I wasn't in the right headspace atm especially with previous events happening so recently.
He then told me, 'it's just a thought', 'my mind just wanders when I'm at work and have nothing to do'
It's breaking my heart because I love the guy.. this is ****.
Original post by uncommonsensing
Fair enough to mention a threesome once or bring it up now and then (like every few months kinda thing). But for him to pester you or mention it frequently is selfish and annoying - and considering your experience it's disgusting. Seems like he's only staying with you because he sees that as the easiest route to getting a threesome, and has zero respect for you, your feelings and desires.
Yea, he brings it up almost daily and I mentally cannot cope.
That's exactly how I feel. It's difficult too because we're already so deep in this r'ship.
Original post by Anonymous
Yea, I would have assumed guys aren't into sharing so why would he be open to seeing a guy f**k me. It kind of shocks me that he would want another guy to do this and he wouldn't be jealous.
Also with a girl-- the thought of seeing him do anything would just hit my self esteem. Do you think he's using this as an excuse to get what he wants and then dump me when he's had enough?
Also with a girl-- the thought of seeing him do anything would just hit my self esteem. Do you think he's using this as an excuse to get what he wants and then dump me when he's had enough?
Yeah honestly just tell him how you feel. Very strange, not the type of person you want to be having a relationship with imo.
I once had a (straight) guy I dated do the same to me. I'm bisexual, and he'd constantly ask for threesomes, because clearly if I'm into both I must want to sleep with a man and a woman at the same time. I don't view sex like this and it isn't me. He got dumped very quickly. Your boyfriend sounds like the sort of guy who messages random bi women on tinder about threesomes. I really hate guys like that.
I'd ditch him. He clearly isn't into you as a person at all. He's just in it for the sex and you can do better. The most damming thing for me is the fact that he doesn't text you all day when he knows you're going through a tough time. That's not the mark of a loving, healthy, supportive relationship.
To constantly bother someone who's just been sexually assaulted about sex, regardless of their feelings is a scummy thing to do. A normal reaction would be to give you space and let you bring up sex. Go at your pace and make sure you didn't feel any pressure to do stuff you weren't ready for. You deserve better.
I'd ditch him. He clearly isn't into you as a person at all. He's just in it for the sex and you can do better. The most damming thing for me is the fact that he doesn't text you all day when he knows you're going through a tough time. That's not the mark of a loving, healthy, supportive relationship.
To constantly bother someone who's just been sexually assaulted about sex, regardless of their feelings is a scummy thing to do. A normal reaction would be to give you space and let you bring up sex. Go at your pace and make sure you didn't feel any pressure to do stuff you weren't ready for. You deserve better.
I hate how this thread is full of stigma about straight men wanting a threesome/foursome with another guy and their GF.
For what its worth I think the OP is fake news.
For what its worth I think the OP is fake news.
Original post by Anonymous
Yea, he brings it up almost daily and I mentally cannot cope.
That's exactly how I feel. It's difficult too because we're already so deep in this r'ship.
That's exactly how I feel. It's difficult too because we're already so deep in this r'ship.
If you don't want it then he needs to respect that, if he keeps pestering for a threesome then I would think about getting rid of him
Original post by Haviland-Tuf
I hate how this thread is full of stigma about straight men wanting a threesome/foursome with another guy and their GF.
For what its worth I think the OP is fake news.
For what its worth I think the OP is fake news.
Straight men wanting threesomes usually means them hassling bisexual women who aren't interested. From the perspective of a bi woman, it's really f*cking annoying. And I have no tolerance for it at all. When I was with my last girlfriend, we'd get random guys approaching us asking for a threesome while we were out together. Or guys I was Facebook friends with asking for one. It's not some innocuous request. It usually means that they're really creepy. And act like bi women who have expressed no interest in threesomes must want one for no other reason than the fact we like both means we must want both at once, regardless of our actual thoughts and feelings.
Original post by katf
I once had a (straight) guy I dated do the same to me. I'm bisexual, and he'd constantly ask for threesomes, because clearly if I'm into both I must want to sleep with a man and a woman at the same time. I don't view sex like this and it isn't me. He got dumped very quickly. Your boyfriend sounds like the sort of guy who messages random bi women on tinder about threesomes. I really hate guys like that.
I'd ditch him. He clearly isn't into you as a person at all. He's just in it for the sex and you can do better. The most damming thing for me is the fact that he doesn't text you all day when he knows you're going through a tough time. That's not the mark of a loving, healthy, supportive relationship.
To constantly bother someone who's just been sexually assaulted about sex, regardless of their feelings is a scummy thing to do. A normal reaction would be to give you space and let you bring up sex. Go at your pace and make sure you didn't feel any pressure to do stuff you weren't ready for. You deserve better.
I'd ditch him. He clearly isn't into you as a person at all. He's just in it for the sex and you can do better. The most damming thing for me is the fact that he doesn't text you all day when he knows you're going through a tough time. That's not the mark of a loving, healthy, supportive relationship.
To constantly bother someone who's just been sexually assaulted about sex, regardless of their feelings is a scummy thing to do. A normal reaction would be to give you space and let you bring up sex. Go at your pace and make sure you didn't feel any pressure to do stuff you weren't ready for. You deserve better.
You've hit it on the head here. This is literally what it feels like. I just feel a bit used knowing he keeps pushing it.
Yea, I feel like he might be using me to fulfill his fantasies and then once he gets that he'll be gone.
Original post by Haviland-Tuf
I hate how this thread is full of stigma about straight men wanting a threesome/foursome with another guy and their GF.
For what its worth I think the OP is fake news.
For what its worth I think the OP is fake news.
It's not stigma. I'm just trying to understand it.
Definitely not fake news. If you're going to be negative and unhelpful, I suggest going elsewhere.
I wouldn't do a 3sum,4sum or any other sum with anyone as I find it very disrespectful towards the girl.
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