1.
Start spaghetti cooking in pan 1. Don't forget to add salt. A bundle with a diameter around the same as a 2p coin is enough for one hungry person.
2.
Break 2 eggs into a bowl and whisk them up. Put them to one side and don't forget about them.
3.
Cut up ham. Carbonara does not include bacon. Also ham is cheaper. Drop ham in pan 2 (ideally a frying pan). Do not turn the pan on.
4.
Grate cheese. Proper carbonara uses pecorino but you can use parmigiano, but again cheddar is cheaper and works just as well. Cheddar with a little parmigiano (or the ready-grated "Italian hard cheese" ) works great. Add to pan 2.
5.
Add pepper to pan 2. Lots of pepper.
6.
Add a small amount of milk to pan 2 - just a little more than needed to cover the cheese and ham and pepper. Turn on to a low heat and stir slowly until it's all melted.
7.
When the stuff in pan 2 is all melted, take it off the heat and put the spaghetti into pan 2. Keep the water in pan 1 boiling away on the heat.
8.
Turn the heat low on pan 2 again and stir until the spaghetti is covered. Slowly add water from pan 1 as it thickens. You don't need to add all of it, but if needed, do. This helps thicken it and also helps the sauce stick to the pasta.
9.
When you're satisfied that it's almost done, turn the heat up to the top and stir for thirty seconds or so.
10.
Turn the heat off, and while pan 2 is still bubbling add the eggs. Stir FURIOUSLY until it's all worked through.
11.
EAT IT.